Wanting What She Can't Have(30)

Lorenzo nodded. "You may wait here," he said, gesturing to the sagging  rattan chairs on the porch. "I will not have you here in our home, until  I know she welcomes you also."

Without waiting for a response, Lorenzo closed the door in Raoul's  face. It was no less than he deserved, Raoul thought as he lowered  himself into one of the chairs. Despite being sheltered against the  front of the house, the cushions still felt damp. Combined with his  already cold, wet clothing, it proved to be an uncomfortable wait ahead.  He didn't care. He'd do whatever it took to have his chance again with  Alexis. And this time, if she was willing, he wouldn't mess up again.

* * *

Alexis drove carefully on the rain-slicked roads. At nearly sixteen  weeks pregnant she was already finding it was getting uncomfortable to  spend long periods in her car. Her tummy jiggled a little as a tiny  occupant moved within her. She smiled. As exhausted as she felt after  today's journey and meetings, those little movements still made her feel  as if she was the luckiest woman in the world. Well, almost the  luckiest.

She had a father who loved her and stood by her, no matter what. She  had a half sister and foster brother who had pledged to support her in  any way they could. She had new life growing inside her-a fact that  never ceased to awe and amaze her. Her business was picking up again  and, in reality, she lacked for nothing. Nothing except the love of the  man she'd lost her heart to. Still, she consoled herself as she  approached the driveway to her father's house, she had more than many  others. Far, far more.

Through the rain, she caught a glimpse of the rear end of a vehicle  standing near the front of the house. She was surprised to see her  father had a visitor. He hadn't mentioned anything about expecting  anyone when she'd phoned him to say she was on the road and heading  home. As she drew nearer to the vehicle, though, recognition poured  through her. The big black Range Rover was painfully familiar,  especially with its VINTNR registration plate.

Her belly fluttered and she rested a hand on the movement. "It's okay,"  she murmured. "Looks like your daddy has come to pay a visit."                       
       
           



       

She gathered up her things and her collapsible umbrella and prepared to  get out of the car. Before she could, however, her driver's door swung  open and there he was. Alexis froze in her seat, halfway through the  action of starting to put her umbrella up, torn between leaping from the  car to demand an explanation for why he was there, and wanting to pull  the car door closed and take a few extra minutes for herself.

"Let me take that," Raoul said, not bothering with the niceties of "hello" or "how are you."

He reached for her umbrella and held it above the driver's door, then  extended a hand to help her out. She really had to get something a  little less low-slung, she told herself as she was forced to accept his  help to get out from behind the wheel. It wasn't as if her sedan was  supersporty or anything but by the time she was full-term, getting out  of here would require a crane.

"Thank you. How convenient that you were here. Just passing by, were you?" she asked as he shut the door behind her.

Her attempt at flippancy fell about as flat as her hair in this weather.

"No, I've been waiting for you," he answered as they half walked, half ran to the veranda where Raoul shook out the umbrella.

Standing in the shelter, her eyes drank in the sight of him. He was  just as beautiful to her as he'd ever been and her heart did a little  flip-flop of recognition. She ruthlessly quashed it. She'd had plenty of  time to think in the past month and while she was inwardly overjoyed to  see Raoul here, she was determined to hold firm to her decision to move  forward with her life, without him. She wouldn't settle for half  measures in anything anymore, especially now when there was not only  herself to consider.

It didn't stop her concern when she saw him shiver and realized that he was soaking wet.

"Come inside," she said brusquely. "You need to get dried off."

"Thank you."

There was a strange note to his voice and she looked at him sharply,  noting his attention was now very firmly on the bulge of her tummy.

"Have you been here long?" she asked as she wrestled her things to find her front door key.

"About an hour," he answered.

"Outside? You're soaking wet and must be freezing cold. Is my father not home?"

"Oh, yeah, he's home," Raoul said with a rueful smile.

"Oh," she said, suddenly flustered.

If he'd already talked to her father she had no doubt that there'd been  more than a few terse words exchanged. Finally, thank goodness, she  found her key and inserted it in the door.

"Hello? Dad? I'm home," she called as she pushed the door open and gestured for Raoul to follow her inside.

"So, you're letting him in?" her father asked as he came through from the kitchen into the sitting room of the compact cottage.

"He's traveled a long way, Dad, and it's pouring rain outside."

"I will give you your privacy," he said stiffly, his dark eyes fixed on  Raoul as if in challenge. "But I will just be up the hill with Finn and  Tamsyn. You will call me if you need me, yes?"

"Sure I will," Alexis answered, and crossed the room to give her father a hug. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Ti amo," he said, holding her close before releasing her. Then, with  another silent glare at Raoul, he shrugged on a coat and stomped out the  front door.

Silence grew uncomfortably around them. Finally, realizing she had to  say or do something, Alexis put her things down on the coffee table  between them.

"I'll get you something to dry off with."

"Thanks."

She was back in seconds, handing a towel to Raoul and stood there  watching him as he toweled excess moisture off his hair. His shirt,  however, was soaked through.

"You can't stay in that," she said. "Would you like a shirt of Dad's?"

"No, I'll be fine, I'll dry out soon. Besides, I don't think he'd-"

"Don't be silly, you'll catch your death that way. At least take your shirt off and let me put it through the dryer."

Raoul stepped up closer to her and took her by the hands. "Alexis, stop trying to find reasons not to talk to me."                       
       
           



       

"Is that what I'm doing?" she said, looking up into his hazel eyes and wondering exactly what it was that she read there.

Even now, after the way he'd summarily dismissed her, her pulse  betrayed her by leaping at his touch. Some things, it seemed, would  never change.

"Yes. Please, sit down. Let's talk."

"Sure, do you want a tea or coffee?"

"Sit," he commanded gently, and guided her to the sofa and sat down beside her. "I owe you an explanation and an apology."

Alexis fidgeted on the chair, unsure of what he expected of her. Did he  think that just because he was about to say sorry that she'd forgive  him everything? He was in for a sad surprise if that was the case.

"Go on," she urged him. "I'm listening."

She forced herself to calm down and pushed back into the seat, absently  rubbing her belly. Raoul's eyes tracked from her face down to where her  hand moved in slow, gentle circles.

"You're looking well," he said.

"You came here to tell me that?" she asked, her tone bordering on acerbic.

"No, what I came here to say is I am deeply sorry for the way I treated you. You deserved more."

"Raoul, I made my own choice when I accepted less," she pointed out.

"I know, but you, of all people-with your loving heart and your giving  nature-you should never have been asked to settle for so little. I knew  that and I took what you were prepared to give without thinking about  the damage it might do. All I was concerned about was me. I just  wanted... Hell, I don't even know what I really wanted. All I knew was  that you offered me a light in the darkness, warmth in the cold. You  made me feel again, but then I felt too much. I didn't know what to do,  so I ended up pushing you away.

"I didn't want to be vulnerable again. When Bree died it hurt so much.  It left me feeling so empty inside that every breath was agony. The idea  of loving anyone again scared me into telling myself I couldn't love  again-that I didn't deserve to."

"Everyone deserves love," Alexis said softly.

"I know that now." He drew in a shuddering breath. "For so long I was  angry-felt so helpless. I hated having choice taken from me the way Bree  did when she didn't tell me about her aneurysm. I'll never know  whether, knowing the risks, she believed she'd get through Ruby's birth  okay or whether she had some kind of premonition that she'd die and  thought it would be worth it regardless, but either way she made choices  that should have involved me and instead she shut me out. Doing that  went against everything we'd promised one another, and if I couldn't  trust her anymore, how could I trust anyone?"