New Year at the Boss's Bidding(29)

'Sì, mi ricordo.' His brisk tone left her in no doubt he wasn't here to rekindle the passion they'd shared. 'May I come in?'

The piercing intensity in his eyes sent exasperation rushing through  her, but she bit back her retort. If he thought he could come from one  woman back to her, then he had got it drastically wrong. Just as she had  done, trusting him at the manor. 'I am rather busy packing.'                       
       
           



       

He looked surprised and she couldn't help the smile that tugged at her  lips. 'Where and when are you going?' The firmness in his voice couldn't  hide the shock her news had given him.

'I'm going to Tuscany to meet my father's family.'

'Something else crossed off your list?' The hard look in his eyes made a chill run down her spine.

She nodded. 'I have you to thank for that.' It was true. If he hadn't  made her talk about the past, unlocking a door she'd hidden behind like a  terrified animal, then she wouldn't be going. She wouldn't even have  contacted them.

'And when would this be?'

She stood back, giving in to the need to see him again. He walked past  her and into the small flat she proudly called home, only too aware it  would be inferior to what he would be used to-but he was in her world  now. He glanced at her passport and boarding pass, which sat neatly on  her kitchen counter. 'This Saturday?'

'Yes.' She resented the fact that he'd helped himself to the  information, realising he was now very different from the relaxed man  she'd shared a few passionate nights with. He might be in her world, but  he'd brought his own agenda with him. 'What is it you want, Xavier?'

Unexplainably irritated by his presence, she glared at him, wanting to  know why he was there, but another part of her dreaded the answer,  especially after seeing last night's internet photos.

'We need to talk.' He moved a step closer and it was all she could do  not to move away. She stayed firm and lifted her chin a little, looking  directly into his handsome face, noting the hint of stubble and  realising that even at the manor, when everything had been so different,  he'd been clean-shaven. As she looked more closely she saw lines of  tiredness etched on his face.

'There's nothing to say, Xavier.'

'You know part of the story, now I want you to know the rest.'

Why was he talking to her like this? Cautiously, allowing a bit of hope into her heart, she responded, 'Go on.'

'Christmas wasn't something I celebrated, not after destroying Paulo's  family.' His face hardened, all trace of humour gone. Whatever it was  that had happened at the racetrack that day haunted him still.

'So why the New Year dinner party?' She sensed there was more but knew  he wouldn't tell her. He hadn't when she'd asked about his aversion to  Christmas at the manor. She had been kept behind his defensive wall.

'The New Year dinner party was for the benefit of my parents. Nothing  more.' His dark gaze met hers and she saw confusion and honesty in them.  'An item crossed off my list.'

She touched his arm and those intense dark eyes searched her face. 'I  think you're being too hard on yourself. You're punishing yourself when  you shouldn't.'

'Because of me and my need to win that race, my friend is dead. I had  to be hard on myself.' The words snapped from him and the pain in his  voice froze the air around them before shattering it.

'I don't know much about motorcycle racing, Xavier, but I do know  accidents are investigated and reports are made.' She tried to placate  him, tried to smooth the pain. They might be in her small flat, back in  the real world, but right now it was as if the magic that had caught  them in its grip at the manor had returned, weaving around them,  shutting everything out.

'I don't need a damn report to tell me it was my fault. I know that,  here.' He thumped his fist against his chest, the pain in that action  evident.

She wanted to reach for him, to wrap her arms around him and let her  love wash away all that misplaced guilt, all that self-inflicted pain,  but something held her back. She still didn't understand why he was  there. Why now when he'd only just been in the company of a new woman?

'I saw it on the internet, Xavier.' The words were a firm whisper,  severing the thread of connection that had just woven itself around  them. 'Nobody blames you.'

* * *

Xavier stood and looked at Tilly, her blonde hair falling around her  shoulders, and he remembered how it had felt, how soft it had been as  he'd slid his fingers into it before kissing her.

'You looked it up?'

Her gorgeous blue eyes widened in shock and she drew in a quick breath,  but she didn't move. After what felt like an eternity she finally spoke  again, her voice holding an unsteady quiver. 'Yes.'

'And what did you decide?' This was his worst fear. She blamed him,  believed he was guilty. Why else would she look him up on the internet?                       
       
           



       

'That you are being too hard on yourself.' Firmness entered her voice  and as he looked into her eyes he could see determination there and a  strength he'd never noticed before. Her words echoed Sofia's.

He realised that right now he had the biggest fight of his life on his  hands. The fight for the woman he loved, the woman he wanted in his life  for evermore. This was worse than being on the track, pushing the bike  harder and faster to win. If he lost this fight, he'd lose everything.

'Why are you here?' The sharp question fired at him, dragging him from  his thoughts, focusing his attention on what he was there for-the woman  he loved.

'To talk to you.' It was all he could do not to reach for her, not to  draw her close and kiss the surprise from her beautiful face, but  already he could see her backing away emotionally. She was slipping  behind the wall she'd built to keep everyone out and he couldn't let  that happen.

'Why? It won't serve any purpose.' She stepped away from him, trying to  put as much distance as possible between them. For the first time in  his adult life he was unsure how to read a woman's actions, especially  as he still hadn't worked out what he was going to say. All he knew was  that he'd had to say something.

'We are no longer strangers, Tilly. Dio mio, we have spent two nights in each other's arms like lovers.'

Lovers. The word raced in his head. He hadn't wanted to love her, but  it had happened and now all he wanted was her love. She'd touched  something deep inside him. She had changed and healed him.

When it had happened he didn't know, but it had. He recalled the first  moment he'd seen her standing in the courtyard at Wimble Manor as the  snow had drifted to the ground around her, landing on her red woolly  hat, which he'd found so very amusing. Had that been the moment?

'No, Xavier. We agreed. Those nights meant nothing.' Was she really dismissing what they'd shared as nothing?

That first moment her lips had met his rushed back. He was there once  more, standing by the Christmas tree, loaded tension swirling around  them, dragging them deeper and deeper under the spell of love.

Now that spell was no longer. The harsh glitter in her eyes didn't hold  any softness, any love. If anything, they held contempt.

'It doesn't have to stay that way.' He moved towards her but she stepped back.

'It does, Xavier. You are not the type of man I need. You would never make me happy. We have to say goodbye.'

He frowned, trying to process her words. 'Goodbye?'

'Yes, goodbye.' She stood firmly in the middle of her living room,  glaring angrily at him. What had changed in such a short time? 'So, if  you don't mind, I'd like you to leave.'





CHAPTER TWELVE

TILLY'S HEART BROKE as she stood there, knee deep in deception. She had  to be strong, had to keep her emotions under control, anything that  would stop her going to him, throwing her arms around his neck and  herself at the mercy of the love she had for him. Love that had  overshadowed every other emotion she'd experienced in those few days at  the manor.

What had happened over the New Year had been deeper than the passion,  more addictive than the sensual feel of his touch. It had also happened  with such speed it seemed impossible, but there was no doubt. Not any  more. She'd fallen in love with a man who'd been looking for nothing  more than a distraction to while away the hours of being snowbound at  New Year.

'There isn't a future for us, Xavier, there never was.' She kept her  voice devoid of emotion as his eyes narrowed. He was watching every move  she made. Did he suspect she wasn't telling him the truth?

'Do you seriously expect me to believe that?' He moved towards her, his  voice heavily accented and becoming softer. 'When you were a virgin?'

Stunned, she could only look at him, knowing the truth of his words.  She'd given herself to him, believing, even though they didn't have a  future, there wasn't anyone else in their lives. It had meant so little  to him he'd gone straight to the arms of another woman.