New Year at the Boss's Bidding(23)

'Yes, now, Natalie.' He touched his free hand to her cold face,  shocking her into looking at him. 'Last night needs to be  discussed-right now.'

'No, it doesn't. It happened. That's all we need to say.' She pulled  herself free and walked away as best she could through the snow. The  shrill call of a blackbird startled by her sudden movement made her  falter and he caught hold of her again.

'Don't walk away from me, Natalie.' The gruff harshness of his voice  shocked her as it seemed to echo in the snow-covered branches above  them.

'It doesn't matter if I stand here or walk away, Xavier. Nothing will  change what happened. There is nothing we can say that will change  that.'

'Or the fact that it shouldn't have happened?' At first she thought he  was stating a fact, but the inflection of those last words changed it to  a question. Or was that just his accent?

She looked at him, all the fight that had bubbled up inside her  evaporating, but he was right. Question or statement, last night should  never have happened. Just as she should never have kissed him on New  Year's Eve, they should not have spent last night like lovers. They  weren't lovers and never could be.

'Last night was a one-off, Xavier. A fling,' she said firmly, looking  directly into his eyes, her strength returning with every breath she  took. She'd been scared and had sought comfort in his arms, but had  found so much more. She shouldn't have let her romantic fantasy carry  her away, sweeping to one side her ability to think rationally.

* * *

Xavier looked down into her face, watched as the nervous hesitation in  her eyes turned to sparks of determination. There were things about last  night he regretted, like the fact he'd revealed far too much about  himself, but not for one moment did he wish they hadn't enjoyed the  passion that had flowed between them. He didn't regret making love to  her, making her his.

'A night with a beautiful woman in my arms is not something I am  prepared to apologise for, but I can see you would rather it hadn't  happened.'

'We were seduced by the moment,' she said quickly, barely acknowledging  his last words. 'Can you honestly say that if we had met at a party in  London, we would have spent the night together?'                       
       
           



       

The reality of those words weren't lost on him. The fact that they were true didn't help. It would never have happened.

'I used you...used last night,' she continued boldly. 'I was proving to myself I could move on and now I know I can.'

He let her go, moved away from her, the temptation to kiss her, to  taste her lips beneath his just one last time snatched away by her  revelation.

'Then we both got what we wanted.' The roughness of his words shocked him.

He hadn't been seduced by the moment, he'd been seduced by her, by her  kiss on New Year's Eve, which had been more than just a kiss. It had  held the definite promise of more, much more. But there had been  something else too, something new, something he'd never felt before, and  it had stirred emotions he'd thought dead.

For the first time he'd caught a glimpse of a happy future. He'd seen  it, tasted it. It would never be possible, not now she'd made it obvious  she didn't want him, that he'd been a chance opportunity to chase away  the memory of another man.

If any other woman had told him that, he'd have been relieved, but  hearing Tilly say it cut painfully into his slumbering emotions. It  didn't alter the way he felt about her. If he didn't know better, he'd  even go as far as to say it might be close to deeper feelings, the sort  he'd vowed not to allow into his life because of his guilt over Paulo's  death.

But Tilly didn't want him. She'd only wanted one night. He'd had the  tables turned on him. He pushed the uncomfortable thought aside. There  were far more important things to worry about-like getting back to  London and away from Tilly.

The gates he'd driven through two days ago still stood open, snow  banked up against the wrought-iron bars. The lane that wound through the  trees they'd just walked under was hidden from view beneath a blanket  of fluffy white snow several inches deep. Only two sets of footprints  disturbed the untouched surface of whiteness. He strode past the gate  and out to the road, which was equally unrecognisable. They would not be  going anywhere soon, that much was evident.

He turned to look at Tilly as she stopped next to him, the look of  utter devastation on her face spiking his already guilt-ridden  conscience. Dio mio, as if he didn't already have enough guilt to carry  around.

'So much for leaving today.' Her delicate brows rose sharply in a gesture of haughtiness he hadn't seen in her before.

'Sarcasm doesn't become you, Natalie.' He turned his back on the  snow-covered road and looked down at her. As she glared up at him, her  lips pressed into a firm and angry line, he had to fight the urge to  kiss them just once more, until they became as soft and kissable as  they'd been last night.

'Tilly,' she snapped at him. 'Nobody calls me Natalie now.'

'Is that what your fiancé called you?' he goaded her, and could almost  see the snow melting beneath her feet as her anger simmered over and  towards the boiling point.

She shook her head and sadness crept into her eyes, spiking him with another layer of guilt.

'Nonna.' Her blue eyes were glacially sharp as she looked at him and he  knew he'd unexpectedly touched a raw nerve, that she was thinking about  the grandmother she must have adored as a child.

'I'm sorry,' he said, moving towards her, remembering their brief  conversation about her family. 'Maybe one day you will see her again.'

She shook her head vehemently. 'She passed away a few years ago. My  mother and I didn't have contact with any other family in Italy. It's in  the past and the past can't be changed.'

Just as last night can't be changed. The words drifted casually through  his mind. Would he change it? He wouldn't change a thing since the  moment she'd arrived at Wimble Manor-except her cold rejection this  morning.

'I, more than most, know that is true.' He thought of all the times  he'd wished he could have gone back and changed things, but no amount of  wishing would bring Paulo back. Nothing could change that day, erase it  from his memory, where it was branded for evermore. 'But sometimes,  cara, you can shape the future to mend the past.'

His philosophical words taunted him cruelly. He hadn't achieved that miracle yet.

'If that is true, then we need to use last night's mistake. You and I  both know it would never have happened under normal circumstances, but  it did. If I believed in fate, I'd say we were meant to be here like  this to heal our pain.' She looked from him to the snow-covered lane,  desolation clear on her face. When she looked back at him everything  about her was cool and collected, as cold as the snowy landscape.                       
       
           



       

'Is that what you really think?' He'd asked the question before he'd  been able to halt the words. What had happened last night, those  desire-filled hours together in front of the fire, had been so wildly  passionate, so intense and new. Deep down he didn't want to turn his  back on it. He'd sampled something he might never know again and a part  of him couldn't let that go.

Despite her strong, almost flippant attitude this morning, her sharp  words and obvious disappointment at not being able to leave, she too  wanted more. She might be hiding behind the taunting admission of  wanting a fling, but she couldn't ignore what drew them together-just as  he couldn't.

'No.' She looked at him then began the long walk back to the manor  house, forcing him to follow. 'We were just in the wrong place at the  wrong time.'





CHAPTER NINE

TILLY STAMPED THE snow from her boots as she opened the back door of  the manor house, grateful to be out of the cold wind. Xavier hadn't  spoken since they'd turned back from the gates, but his presence next to  her had been dark and brooding. He hadn't denied last night had been a  mistake, or that it would never have happened if his plans hadn't been  changed.

It went against everything she believed in, but she still wanted him,  still hungered to explore the passion that simmered, waiting for a touch  or a kiss to spark it back into life. She'd given away a piece of her  heart-exactly what she'd never wanted to do.

'I have work to do this afternoon.' His heavy accent gave away the fact  that he was not as in control as he wanted her to think. She'd learnt  that much about him. 'I also need to find out when the power is likely  to come back and if there is any way we can get out of here today.'

He definitely didn't want to be with her any longer. Last night had  been enough. She'd started to tell him she wanted him, that she believed  they were meant to be here, but his frozen expression told her he  didn't share that view.