New Year at the Boss's Bidding(25)

Maybe it was just as well the electricity was back on. It would stop  him making the same mistake twice and prevent his life becoming  complicated. He wasn't ready for a relationship. With those thoughts, he  went to his room, intending to take a cold shower and get some sleep,  but as he stood, towel around his hips, looking at his reflection in the  bathroom mirror after shaving, he questioned if sleep would be  possible.

How could he sleep alone after last night, when the woman who'd allowed  him to take something so precious, who'd shown him things he could  never have, filling the night with compassion as well as hot desire, was  only a few rooms away? She was that close, but so very far out of  reach.

A fluid Italian curse left his lips and he flung the towel to the  bathroom floor, as if it was responsible for the wild rush of emotions  coursing through him. Damn it, he wanted her, he wanted the happy future  she'd allowed him to glimpse, the one she'd had snatched from her.

But she doesn't want you. Dio mio! What was wrong with him? Since when  did he believe in relationships and happiness? He'd destroyed Paulo's  family and deserved to be punished over and over. Love and happiness  could never reach him through his barrier of guilt-or so he'd thought.

He got into bed and switched out the light, the darkness wrapping  around him instantly. He thought of Tilly, lying alone in her bed, and  wanted nothing more than to go to her and hold her, but even more he  wanted to love her. Could she have changed him that much in one night?

With a growl of exasperation he threw back the covers, flicked on the  bedside lamp and pulled on his jeans. He couldn't ignore what burned  inside him for the blonde who'd exploded into his life such a short time  ago and had inexplicably become a part of it.

His bare feet were silent on the carpeted landing as he made his way to  the top of the stairs. In the dim light he could see the Christmas  tree. It still mocked him, still reminded him he didn't deserve  Christmas and the happiness it brought.

Did that mean he didn't deserve Tilly and the happiness he'd begun to imagine with her?

Should he stop and return to his room? No, he couldn't turn his back on  not only Tilly but the happiness she would bring to his life. He paused  at the top of the stairs and looked down the corridor that led to  Tilly's room.

They were still snowed in, still away from the harsh reality of the  real world, and that changed things. Was one more night in that surreal  world possible?

He turned away. She deserved better than him and so much more than he  could give. She deserved happiness and love. With heaviness settling  over him, he walked away, turning his back on what could have been if he  hadn't been the man he was.

* * *

Tilly hadn't slept at all and without knowing why had slipped out of  bed and from her room. Where was Xavier now? Was he alone downstairs,  punishing himself? She wished she could make him see he shouldn't, make  him see he deserved to be loved and had to let love back into his life.

She stopped briefly in the darkened corridor, nervous of the shadows  lurking in the old house, but the need to go to Xavier, to be with him,  to love him-for just one more night-was too much. She made her way along  the corridor to the top of the stairs. It wasn't just the passion and  desire that had turned her whole world upside down last night that drove  her on in this madness. It was the love for him, growing deep inside  her. This was far more than being spontaneous.                       
       
           



       

She wanted to show him her love, just one more time, because tomorrow,  however it was accomplished, she was leaving. She had to get back to her  life. The one without love and passion complicating it, but tonight she  wanted to live the fantasy one last time. She wouldn't be leading him  on, not when he preferred affairs to relationships. She would just blur  into one of many who'd warmed his bed. That thought didn't sit  comfortably, but her need for him was far stronger and she wanted to  take the risk that being with him most definitely was.

Nothing else mattered. She had to go to him-just one last time.

As she came to the landing and the top of the elegant staircase she saw  him. Like a vision conjured up from her dreams, dressed only in his  jeans, the look on his face so distant. Traces of vulnerability lingered  in his eyes and she could hardly believe it was the same man she'd said  goodnight to earlier.

'Tilly?' The question lingered in the syllables of her name.

She took a deep breath. Now was a time to be bold. 'I want to be  someone different, Xavier, to live in a world of complete fantasy and be  the woman I was last night-just once more.'

Before she had a chance to register his reaction, he'd come to her, his  fingers brushing down her face as he stood half-naked in front of her.  Her pulse leapt and she looked up into his dark eyes, wondering if he  felt it too, this passion that had taken her over. It was so intense she  trembled like a leaf in the summer breeze.

'You are tempting me so much I can't resist.' His voice held a faint tremor, as if he did feel it.

He lowered his head and brushed his lips lightly over hers and she  closed her eyes as pleasure swept away any lingering doubts about what  she was doing. Her body leaned towards him, but he didn't take her in  his arms, didn't pull her against his body.

She opened her eyes and looked into the fathomless depths of his. They  had only one more night left in this strange world where rules and  barriers were being eroded. 'Xavier?'

'Shhh. Forget the world exists, just for tonight.' His breath whispered  across her lips and she knew it was too late, she was already his.

'Yes,' she whispered, and then pressed her lips to his briefly. 'Just for tonight.'

Somewhere deep inside her she was screaming-no, shouting-that one night  would never be enough, not now she'd fallen in love with him, but sense  prevailed. She knew not to expect any kind of commitment from him.

As doubts rose again he kissed her passionately, pulling her against  his bare chest, making further thought impossible as the desire they'd  shared the previous night erupted once more. Then he swept her up in his  arms and made his way to his bedroom. She could feel each stride taking  her past the point of no return, but she didn't care. All she wanted  was to love him, one last time.





CHAPTER TEN

XAVIER WOKE WITH a start, his bare shoulders cold, but the warmth of  Tilly's body curled against his was a stark reminder of what had  happened last night. Once again they'd spent the night in each other's  arms.

He'd experienced how loving could be and had wanted to be loved by her,  and not just physically. But Tilly had made it clear it was only one  more night, the last time before they returned to their normal lives.  This was just a fling to her.

He reminded himself again that he didn't deserve anything remotely like  love. Not when he'd broken a family apart as easily as his bike had  smashed. He dragged his thoughts back to Tilly. Had she been sent to  punish him?

She'd been distant as she'd left the lounge last night and he still  didn't understand what had compelled him to go to her room. He'd known  it was wrong to want her and he'd turned away, remembering how she'd  told him the previous night had been a mistake. But there had been  moments today when she couldn't deny what had exploded to life between  them. Or was it merely her damn list?

He'd wanted her again but had turned back, accepting if she had wanted  to be with him she wouldn't have made her excuses and gone so early to  her room. But at the top of the stairs he'd sensed her, had felt her  gaze on him. She too must have been drawn by the same need. Although  this time he'd had no darkness to conceal how underserving of such a  moment he was. But it hadn't mattered.

He relaxed a little, the curtains at the corner of the big four-poster  bed partially cocooning them, and he watched her sleep, felt every  breath she took and inhaled the scent that was uniquely Tilly. Her  claims of yesterday morning burned into his mind. He had been nothing  more than a challenge to banish demons from her past, to rid herself of  Jason. Had last night been to make sure she had achieved that?                       
       
           



       

He moved away from her, the soft sigh as she stirred making him drag in  a deep breath against the rise of desire. Whatever her reaction was  going to be when she woke up, he didn't want to deal with it-not yet. He  needed to steel himself against the moment she would turn her back on  him.

It was only a matter of time before the passion they'd shared for a  second night was obliterated by the harshness of daylight, just as it  had been yesterday. He had to send her away. He had to end it, whatever  it was.

He unwound himself from her warm body and got out of bed, pulled on his  clothes and slipped from the room. He didn't trust himself to glance  back at the woman asleep in his bed. He couldn't. Everything was  becoming far too complicated. It had been more than a lust-filled night.  He'd never wanted to feel anything more than basic desire for her. Yet  she'd crept under his defences, giving him hope that maybe he did  deserve to love, that he could put everything behind him.