New Year at the Boss's Bidding(28)

       
           



       

She nodded, not able to say anything. The hard expression on his face  told her he wouldn't want her to. All he wanted was to get away as fast  as possible. Even now he was turning and walking back towards the car.

Before a single tear sprang from her eyes she made her way to her flat,  wanting to get inside and shut him out of her life for good. Behind her  she heard a car door slam shut and an engine start. The man she loved  was leaving. She wanted to turn, wanted to catch one last glimpse of  him, but that would only intensify her pain.

She'd got what she wanted. The opportunity to move on from Jason, to be  a different woman. What she hadn't planned on doing was falling in love  with a man who could leave and never give her a second thought.

She put her key in the lock, the first step to returning to her normal  life. A soft whisper slipped from her lips. 'Arrivederci, Xavier.'





CHAPTER ELEVEN

XAVIER HAD REPLAYED Tilly's parting words over and over in his head all  night, her voice soft and barely above a whisper. Then her eyes had met  his, hardness he'd never seen in hers making them resemble ice.

He could still feel the finality inside him, the realisation that what  he'd discovered with her was over, that nothing more would ever come of  those three nights they'd spent at the manor. He couldn't tell her he  didn't want to see her again, that he still carried guilt from the  accident and didn't deserve what he saw in her eyes. Instead, he'd used  her favoured shield of professionalism, asking for her bill.

The chauffeur-driven car pulled out into London's afternoon traffic  heading for the airport. He sat back and thought of Paulo's widow and  the charity event she was holding tonight in Milan and knew he couldn't  go. He couldn't leave London, leave Tilly. Last night he'd done nothing  but think of her and knew he wanted more than a brief affair. He wanted  the forever she secretly craved. But did she want it with him? He had to  know.

He had to see Tilly, had to tell her he wanted her in his life. He  couldn't allow guilt to rule him any longer, because if those three  nights at the manor had been the start of something special he couldn't  let it pass him by. She'd helped him find peace and had begun to free  him from the guilt he'd carried since the accident. But more  importantly-he loved her.

He pulled out his phone and dialled. 'Sofia,' he said calmly as Paulo's  widow answered, then spoke firmly in Italian. 'I'm not going to be able  to get there this evening. Can you forgive me?'

'Is it the woman you were snowed in with?'

'How do you know that?' Suspicion narrowed his eyes and the urge to confide in her was overwhelming.

'Your emails were full of her. Go to her, Xavier. You've punished  yourself long enough. Paulo would want you to be happy and so do I.'  Sofia's firm words lifted the fog that had clouded his mind and he knew  exactly what he had to do.

After wishing her luck for that evening, he ended the call. 'Change of  plan,' he said to the driver, and instructed him first to go to a  jeweller's in Knightsbridge then to Tilly's address, the one that was  emblazoned on his memory.

Impatience and apprehension filled him as the car turned around and  negotiated the heavy traffic. All he could think of was Tilly. But would  she see him? He had to make her understand he couldn't accept her  goodbye. He couldn't walk away.

During those dark hours at the manor, as the blizzard had raged, they'd  shared their innermost vulnerabilities and were now inexplicably  connected-whether they liked it or not.

A short while later he stood on the street where they'd said goodbye  and thought of the vulnerable woman he'd held in his arms as darkness  had shrouded them. He let out a deep breath. The evening darkness of  January was beginning to descend. It was as if he'd been transported  back to that night in front of the fire, the night Tilly had exposed  every vulnerable emotion he could possibly feel. Each one was with him  now, some urging him on, forcing him to cross the road to her flat and  knock on the door. Others held him back. But none of them could be  ignored any longer. He wanted Tilly, not just with lust and passion but  with something much deeper and more profound.

He didn't believe she'd only wanted a brief fling. How could what  they'd shared have been so intense if that was really true? He cursed  the fact he hadn't challenged her or told her he didn't want to say  goodbye. Just as he hoped she had been doing, he'd hidden behind the  fear of rejection-but he couldn't do that any longer. Paulo's widow had  made him realise that.                       
       
           



       

* * *

Tilly watched from the window as Xavier stood on the street, his  indecision clear, before he crossed the street and made his way to the  main door of her flat. Her heart thumped hard and memories of those  blissful nights at the manor rushed back from the place she'd locked  them. She'd successfully done that, but now his unexpected presence made  her wonder what would have happened if she and Xavier had been forced  to stay in the manor longer.

He would have tired of her within days and she wouldn't have been able  to hide her love, something he wasn't capable of. That night in front of  the fire she'd tried to heal his pain, tried to love him, but all he'd  wanted had been to get away as fast as he could.

What did he want from her now? In an act of self-preservation she'd  made it quite clear what had happened between them had meant nothing and  would never be repeated.

Judging by the internet pictures she'd seen of him out last night-hours  after they'd said goodbye, with a very beautiful woman hanging on his  arm and every word-he had moved on. Forgotten her completely. It was  what she'd wanted, but it didn't make it any easier. She loved him, had  missed him next to her at night.

The need to know more of Xavier, to see his handsome face again, had  made her do the one thing she'd never done before-look up a man on the  internet. Not just as a professional check for business purposes but  because she'd had to.

Initially she'd been looking for information on the accident, wanting  to know why he blamed himself, and had found nothing to suggest anyone  had blamed him. Then with one final click she had stumbled across photos  of him looking more than comfortable with a new woman at a celebrity  party. Pain had slashed through her. Hurt, betrayal and finally  resignation. He would never look at her in any other way than for a  casual affair.

At least now she could understand his haste to get away from the manor.  Not only did he regret their intimacy, he'd moved on, his next conquest  waiting in the wings.

Her doorbell rang, distracting her from the painful thoughts, and with a  heavy heart she pressed the button to open the main door of her flat.  It was time to be brave, move forward and not look back. She couldn't  let Xavier know that being with him had made her realise she'd never  loved Jason, or that he'd stirred her childhood memories as well as her  heart, and that as soon as she'd returned home she'd set about  contacting her father's family in Tuscany, ticking off another item on  her list.

Now they wanted to meet her. She should be ecstatic, but her elation  was tinged with sadness. She'd wanted to tell Xavier, thank him for  giving her that final push, that final bit of courage. Her bag was  packed and she was leaving at the weekend, but first she had a night out  with Vanessa.

That thought lifted her spirits a little, even though Vanessa had  grilled her constantly about this mysterious Italian with whom she'd  spent an entire three days locked away from the world. After a bit of  pressure she'd told Vanessa that she'd ticked an item off her list, that  she'd moved on from Jason, but she couldn't admit she'd fallen in love  and given him her virginity, something Vanessa had had no idea had still  existed. Not when the man in question was even more capable of breaking  her heart than Jason had been.

A loud knock on her flat door jolted her from her thoughts and she  looked through the viewer to see Xavier, his back to the door,  impatience in his stance as he waited for her to open it. There was no  mistaking who he was. She'd know that rigid set of Xavier's shoulders  anywhere. They, along with everything else about him, were imprinted on  her mind for evermore.

She pushed her hands through her hair and took a deep breath. She had  no idea what he wanted, but it wasn't her. She took in a deep breath,  preparing to face the man she loved.

'Xavier,' she said as she opened the door, injecting a happy note into  her voice, one she was far from feeling. 'We agreed. Remember?'

As soon as she'd said the words, she knew she'd given herself away. The  way he coolly assessed her sent her nerves jangling and she resisted  the urge to give in to the need to babble on. She didn't have to explain  herself to anyone, least of all Xavier Moretti.