Never Been Loved(109)

Maybe I’m too late.

No. No fucking way.

I grab Matty from her, but now Sera’s fishing for keys and hands them to the kid. Oh yeah, those are mine.

“And then they put this light in my eyes and told me not to look at it. Isn’t that funny? How can I not look at it, Daddy, when it’s right in my face?!” Matty tells me, but I only catch about two words out of his story.

Sera’s not looking at me still. I’ve got her eyes on me, yeah, but she’s seeing past me, like I’m a ghost.

No. Don’t do this. Please.

She puts a smile on her face. I don’t know who it’s for. She waves and she’s off, leaving me with my… son, and leaving us to deal with what’s she’s left behind.

I don’t think I can move, I’m pinned in place.

Why the hell am I always the one trying to get her back?

You’re the one ruining everything. Obviously.

Can’t she turn around and tell me she wants me? Tell me I’m better than sticking around with Aly because that’s what everybody else wants? What does Sera want, anyway? I’m good enough for a hand job only?

Relax, man. Regroup. You’re not thinking straight.

“Thanks for the ride, Aly. Here’s something for your gas.” I get a twenty out of my pocket and toss it in the passenger seat. I’ve been hollowed out and the world’s gone grey. Sera took all the life out of it the minute I let her walk away.

“That’s a fucking joke, right?” she sneers, and I feel Matty tense up in my arms.

He’s either going to ask her for a quarter or…not.

“Who’s going to drive you home, you stupid piece of shit?”

“That shouldn’t bother you from going on your way.” Matty’s plastered himself onto me, and is holding on tight. Yeah, he’s a little kid, but he sure as shit know what’s going on, and Aly’s screeching isn’t helping matters.

I need to get to Sera, and I fucking need to get rid of Aly.

I don’t have time for this. One day, when I’m more sane, and I have Sera back, I’m going to settle this shit once and for all. I’m going to tell Aly that she needs to start taking care of herself, that she needs to grow the fuck up and get her shit together.

Now is not that time. I ignore her, the slamming of her car door, and the eventual peeling out she does out of the parking lot. I’ll deal with that later.

I get my phone out and dial Eddie, doing the smart thing for once.

“Hunter?” he answers. “Is everything all right?”

“Sure, Eddie. I know it’s late for you, but I need a lift back to my place. I don’t feel well enough to take the bus right now. You know what? It’s okay, Eddie. I’m gonna stick around here for a bit. Sorry if I woke you, have a good night.”

“Hunter, which hospital are you at? Who’s sick? Is the boy all right?”

I grunt. “Yeah, Eddie. We’re both good. I’m just gonna relax for a bit and then I’ll make my way home until I’m good enough to drive. It’s okay.”

“Are you certain?”

I smirk. “Yeah, Eddie. I didn’t think it through. I’ve been doing that a lot lately.”

“Stay there, I’m on my way.”

And although I should tell him no, I should tell him to go back to sleep or wind down, I stay quiet. Eddie’s the only dad I ever really had, and I need him here. I need to listen to him and lay shit out.

“I’ll be waiting. Call me when you get here.”

“I will, my boy. See you soon.”



Eddie’s holding a sleeping Matty and staring at me with disappointment. There are only two people I never wanted to let down in my life, and those were Jules and Eddie. Seems I haven’t learned my lesson.

“You’ve been making a lot of bad decisions, Hunter. Why?” I watch Eddie rub Matty’s back, and I wonder if he feels like he ever missed his chance, not being a dad – especially when it comes natural to him like breathing.

I envy him that, I really do.

I rub a hand through my hair, and think of Sera’s face when she saw me with Aly. I should be over there right now, telling her how sorry I am, how pathetic I am. Maybe it’s time to let her go, though, for real this time.

But how in hell can I do that when I’ve glimpsed an amazing future with her and now I have to go on living, fucking pretending that I didn’t see it, that it doesn’t exist?

I need to think, and I need to plan.

This isn’t going to be easy.

Then again, loving Sera Delos is so easy, I’d have to put in the work somewhere.

“You love her, don’t you?” Eddie asks, eyes looking straight through me. Matty lifts his head as if still in a dream and blinks a few times. He demands to go to the bathroom by himself through a yawn, and since the emergency waiting room is pretty much deserted, Eddie and I walk him over to the single stalled-washroom and wait outside.