Never Been Loved(107)
“I don’t know anybody like that.”
“I bet you do, you’re just not thinking properly. I think you have a bad memory, kid. Any other boys or girls?”
“Candace likes Harry Potter, too! She told me one time, when we were sitting next to each other at lunch.”
“How do you know she likes Harry Potter?”
“She said his name, Sera.”
“Right,” Sera says.
I’m grinning now. This conversation has me actually smiling. Time to make an appearance.
“Good morning, kid.”
“Hi, Daddy! I’m hungry.”
“Eggs and bacon?” I ask him, looking at Sera, lying down next to him, one hand keeping her head up on an elbow.
“Uhhhhhh, are there sausages?” he asks. “I like sausages better.”
I smirk. He’s always gotta make me work for it.
“Yeah, I got that, Matty. Brush your teeth and come help. We’re going to make Sera breakfast today.”
“How come?” he asks.
“Sometimes when someone makes you feel happy, you do things for them without saying thank you,” I say, hoping that sounded right. I keep my eyes on her, and will her to get it.
“Why can’t you just say thank you?”
“How many times are you going to say thank you to Sera for reading to you every single night, huh?”
“I say it every night.” Matty’s right down panicked. “I tell you every night, don’t I? I love reading Harry Potter with you! Thank you, Sera!” He grabs her and kisses her on the cheek. I didn’t even get the chance to do that this morning.
“You’ll understand when you’re older, kid. Just remember what I said for now. C’mon, buddy. Go brush your teeth, and put some socks on. I’m starting with or without you in five minutes.”
Matty flies out of his bed, jumping down and colliding with my legs before rushing to the bathroom.
I move to Matty’s bed and crouch, getting a hand on the back of Sera’s neck. Her eyes are dark, and she’s sucking in her bottom lip.
“How are you?”
“I’m hungry, actually.”
“S’not what I meant, but I’ll give it to you this one time.” I kiss her on the cheek, then the corner of her mouth, then full on. She gives me back what I wanted, so I pull back and smile. We’re going to be good, as soon as I tell her all of it.
How I basically have lied to her this entire time about Matty being my kid, even though I’m the only dad he’s ever had. How I’m basically the reason Jules is dead.
“We have to talk, you and I.”
“All right.”
“Another time. When you can have the space you need to do what you need to do.”
“Cryptic much? You’re worse than The Riddler, you are.”
I think that’s Batman. Maybe.
My mouth’s still doing the happy thing, but I’m just not feeling it. “I have to be. You’ll understand soon.”
She gets a hand up, palm out. “As of this moment, are you a drug dealer?”
“No.”
“Do you have a criminal record? Do you think you should have a criminal record?”
“Depends who you talk to.”
“Uh, not inspiring confidence over here.”
“I wasn’t the best of people when I was younger, all right? I promise you that my life has changed since then. I just need to tell you so you know whose mouth you’re kissing.”
“Have you killed anyone?”
“Not me.”
“You swear to God you’re not involved in any more illegal activity? Like you’re a hundred percent squeaky clean?”
I get closer, watching her legs open so my ribs hit either side of her inner thighs. I wanted to be doing something else in this position, but this shit’s important, too.
“I’ll swear to Bruce Wayne if you want. I promise you that is all over with.”
“Then why all the secrecy? What could be so bad about what happened years ago?”
“I want you to know about me, the bad and the repulsive. Only then will I be deserving of you. I swear to Christ I’ll never let you down. Ever. You can count on me.”
“I need you to answer me first. You think I’m important in your life?” Sera asks.
“Absolutely.” Deep breath, MacLaine. Brace yourself.
“Do you think I’m important enough and Matty’s important enough in your life that whatever happened in the past will make me run away from you both?”
“Yeah.”
“And you think once I know the truth, and nothing but the truth, I’m going to run away screaming, right? And you’re hoping I can perform some sort of miracle and stay with you?”