Never Been Loved(106)

“Right.” She yawns. “I’m tired, I want to go to sleep now. Would you shut up? Wait a sec, Hunt. Who’s Jules?”

I know she feels it, my hesitation, the way I’m strung tight. I was doing so well… and I can’t get into this now.

Not when Sera’s not mine yet.

“It doesn’t matter. She’s Matty’s mom and she died a long time ago. Sweet dreams, baby.” I kiss her, feel the distance between us even though I’ve practically molded my body around her. I’ve fucked shit up.

Again.



There’s a tug of war in the morning that I let Sera win. She gets out of bed, and even though I let her, I think we both know I’m in no shape to be getting up right now. My sugar’s high enough to make me feel like I should do nothing for the next forty-eight hours. It’s something like right after stuffing my face Thanksgiving dinner and feeling like a ton of bricks are in my stomach and sleep is the only thing that sounds good.

I’m foggy this morning, and when I open my eyes and blink a few times, my vision’s still blurry. Just another reminder of how diabetes is kicking my ass. And I was good yesterday, I really was.

I didn’t eat shit, and fuck, what Sera and I did, it’s pretty much like a workout at the gym. So I should’ve been cool. Maybe I’m going to have to adjust my insulin, keep tabs on how I feel with the new change.

Fuck.

Couldn’t I just be thinking about coffee like a normal person?

I hear Sera waking the kid up, tickling him awake. I haven’t heard him laugh like that in a long time. Shit, what am I doing here?

“What’s up, little man? What’s with the glum face?” I hear Sera ask him.

“Where did you come from?”

Oh, shit. Yeah, didn’t think of that when you were dreaming about Sera’s pussy, now were you?

“Well, uh, from next door, of course!”

“I don’t like Sundays,” he says.

“Nobody likes Sundays, kid. It’s a fact of life.”

“Tomorrow is Mondaaaaaay,” Matty whines. “I have to go to school tomorrow, and I don’t wanna!”

The kid’s legit crying. I need to get up, I need to get up.

My legs are solidified with cement, and my abs just won’t listen and contract to shove my ass up. I need my insulin, bad.

C’mon, MacLaine. Deal with one emergency first. Sera’s got this.

“Matty!? What the bloody hell is going on?!”

I shuffle out of my room, holding onto the wall ’cause my head is swimming. I get to the kitchen and listen with half on ear on the pair of them.

“Kids at school make fun of meeeeeeee. They say I can’t play with them because I can’t keep up. They won’t even let me try, Sera! Daddy says everyone gets a chance, sometimes even two! And they won’t give me one, ever! It’s not fair!”

“You know, kids used to make fun of me, too.” There it is. There it fucking is.

“Is that true?” Kid, she’s not lying. Can’t you hear it in her voice?

“Yeah. Everyone in my grade used to make fun of me. But I had some friends who made me forget about all that stuff for the day. They helped make me feel better. Do you have any friends at school who can help you like that?”

“You’re not sick.” The kid says ‘sick’ like it’s personally caused him harm. That’s my fault, too. I get a syringe ready and nab my insulin from the fridge. Squinting to get the dosage right, I think about going into Matty’s room and asking Sera to check it for me. I blink hard a few times, and the numbers come into focus.

I was right on the money. Plunging it into my thigh, gritting my teeth against the slight pain, I keep listening.

“It didn’t matter,” Sera explains. “People, anybody, they make fun of you because you’re different. It’s the way it is, little man, and I’m sorry about that.”

“How are you different?”

“I’m not... I’m not like everybody else. I’m not...I’m not beautiful like other girls. A lot of people made fun of me because of that.”

Yeah, Sera’s not going to be walking a fucking catwalk. So the fuck what? She’s beautiful. I need to tell her more.

“Who said that to you? I’m gonna – I’m gonna kick ‘em in the shin!”

That’s my boy. Is that okay, Jules? That he’s mine?

“Matty, I’m telling you this because I want you to know you’re not alone. Find a friend at school who makes you laugh, or who you can play hide and seek with and doesn’t mind if you get tired too fast.”

Shit. I woulda told him to knock the little shit kid down on his ass. That’s why Sera’s the brains in this duo, and I’m the dumb brawn.