Lust(48)

I wanted to wait until she was asleep before drifting off, but there is  something to be said about sleeping peacefully. It happens to those who  are content. The people with nothing plaguing their minds had nothing  keeping them awake. I had never experienced it firsthand and now I knew  that it was true. I let go and allowed my mind to take me places I had  never been to before... and it took me there with Ivy in my arms.





I was on my back with my right arm still shoved beneath the pillow and  my other arm hooked over my face. I stilled for a moment before opening  my eyes; something woke me up. I needed a moment to figure out what it  was. And then I realized that even though my arm was still beneath the  pillow, there was nothing occupying the pillow anymore.

I moved my arm away and turned my head to check where Ivy was; she  wasn't lying next to me. Instead, she was standing next to the bed,  putting her clothes back on. Worry settled into the pit of my stomach as  I stared at her back, wondering where she was going so early in the  morning; the sun was barely up and we couldn't have gone to sleep long  before that.         

     



 

I threw the covers off and stood, deciding to get dressed as well. If  she were going somewhere, I would go with her. Maybe she was just hungry  and needed some food. I'd feed her-anything she wanted. Her head turned  but her body stayed facing away from me. There was a look on her face  that I couldn't place and it caused the hairs on the back of my neck to  stand at attention. I couldn't understand where this was coming from. We  had a good night together-no, an amazing night.

"Where are you going?" I asked as I walked around the bed to her.

She pulled her shirt over her head without looking at me. "I really do  need to get home. I need a shower and clean clothes. I have work that  needs to be done and I just need to go home." She said it as if she  needed a hundred reasons to leave in case I had rebuttals to any of  them. That worried me because it meant she was desperate to get away  from me.

"Is everything okay, Ivy?" I asked, concerned.

She nodded but still wouldn't look at me.

I walked up to her, not giving her space to turn away, and held her chin  with my fingers. I waited until she opened here eyes before talking. "I  don't know what happened between last night and right now, but I really  want you to talk to me. Don't just walk out on me without talking about  it."

She smiled up at me and her eyes softened. "Cade, I just really need to  get home. I don't have anything to talk about. I feel gross, I need my  own toothbrush, I want my own bed, and I desperately need clean clothes.  I feel like a bum right now."

Her reasons made sense and I felt like shit for questioning her, but I  still couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong and she just  wasn't telling me. "Okay, I'll give you a ride then. I have to go to the  office anyway; I have been gone for a week and need to get things in  order. Just give me a few minutes to get dressed."

"No, Cade, you don't have to do that. I can just call a cab. It's not problem."

"That's ridiculous. You don't live far from the office and I really do need to go there."

Her face fell as she nodded in agreement.

I dressed quickly, throwing on a tee shirt and jeans, and then rushed  through brushing my teeth and slipping on shoes. I was scared that if I  turned my back for too long, she'd slip right out the door. There was a  new tension in the air, one I couldn't place. It felt like she wanted to  bolt and I couldn't handle that so I rushed through it all while  keeping one eye on her.

"Are you sure everything is okay?" I asked as I drove her back to her  apartment. She was quiet in the car and it left me feeling unsettled. "I  can't help but think something is going on that you're not telling me."

"I'm just tired. Had a long few days and a rather exerting night last  night," she teased with a small smile. That helped a little. Her smile  didn't seem forced. Maybe she was only tired; God knew I was. I felt  like I could sleep for a week.

"Okay, get some sleep and call me when you wake up. I'll just be doing  paperwork and getting things in order," I said as I pulled into her now  familiar parking lot.

Ivy opened her door without even waiting for me to get out and help her.  Her feet were out of the car and on the pavement before she turned  around to look at me. "I don't know how long it will take; I'm really  tired. I might just sleep all day and then through the night again. So  don't plan your day around me."

I could only nod as she slipped from the car and closed the door behind  her. I knew nothing about relationships, but I did know enough to assume  couples kiss before parting. Or at least show some kind of affection  toward one another. I just chalked it up to her being tired and needing  sleep. I couldn't put too much thought into it without going insane so I  made up excuses and drove to the office.

Excitement bubbled up inside as I sat behind my desk. I had a purpose  and couldn't wait to get started on it. I knew what it was that I wanted  to do and get straight to work getting it done. My mind was made up-I  would no longer work as a sexual surrogate. I would leave that behind  and move on to what it was I had gone to school for. I had to go through  my list of clients and explain the situation, offering assistance in  finding another form of therapy or possibly another therapist. I had  been the only technical surrogate within two hundred miles, yet there  were other sex therapists-they just didn't get as hands on as I did.

I spent hours going through each and every one of my clients, calling  them personally. I contacted other therapists I've worked with or had  been in contact with to inform them of my decision and let them know I  would be referring patients to their practices. I had been a joke to  some, demeaning what I did to their colleagues and looking at me as if I  were nothing but a pervert, but most simply accepted it and kept their  opinions to themselves. Those are the ones I referred patients to. The  others didn't seem to grasp the changing in times and knew they would be  of no help to the people that needed it.         

     



 

I decided to take a break around noon, knowing I needed food since I  hadn't had much over the last week. It showed in my body, too. I must've  done some training while I binged on alcohol because my knuckles were  beaten and bruised and my punching bag had been yanked from the ceiling.  That was going to be a mess to fix, but so would be the holes in the  walls around the house. Apparently, I had made quite a mess, breaking  and smashing things, but I couldn't remember any of it and there was  very little evidence left behind after Ivy cleaned it all up. The only  reminders I had of the last week were my hands, my weak body, and the  destroyed drywall. My break from work couldn't have come at a better  time. I had a lot to fix. And I would start it at lunch.

I picked up my phone and dialed a number I hadn't used a long time. It  rang twice before a very confused woman answered. "Hey, Krista. I know  we're not supposed to have lunch until next week, but do you think you  could meet me today?"

"Uh," she said, dragging out the word that was filled with puzzlement.  "Yeah. Is everything okay?" Leave it to my cousin to assume something  was wrong just because I was calling her and asking her for lunch.  Granted, it had never happened before, but that didn't automatically  mean something was wrong.

"Yes. Everything is actually …  really good. I just wanted to talk to you."

We made plans to meet at our usual spot. I knew I would get there first  since I was ready to leave and she still had to finish what she was  working on, but I was okay with that. It would give me time to gather my  thoughts before I unloaded everything on her in no particular order.

She walked into the restaurant fifteen minutes after I did and carefully  made her way toward me. An awkward smile stretched across her face and I  knew she'd have a million questions for me, but I also knew she would  give me a chance to explain before berating me with them.

"I've decided to quit my job," I said as soon as she sat down. No  greeting or asking how she was doing, just the first confession.

Her lips pursed and her eyebrows pinched together at the bridge of her  nose. "How can you quit, Cade? You own the practice. How does one just  quit something they own?"

"Easy. Just stop doing it. And that's what I've decided. I'm not going to do it anymore."

"So what are you going to do instead?" she asked, curiosity lacing her tone.

"I'm going to go back into marriage counseling. I'm keeping the practice  and the office, but I'm changing what it is I'll be doing there. I have  to file some paperwork and stuff and that will take some time, but I  think I need the time to get things in order. I've never really taken a  break from work before." And that was true. In the last twelve years, I  had taken two vacations, and those were nothing more than extended  weekends.