Three Thousand Miles(11)

“I see but how did you two get together again? After all, he did hurt you before, what changed?” She looks bewildered by my comments but at the same time, I know she will have answer for me.

“I went to his room after the surgery and I knew from the way I felt in his presence that there had to be more for us. Seeing him lay there helpless and scared I have never seen that side to him before and it captivated me. I can’t put into words how I feel about him.” I sigh and continue talking to her.

“Did he make the first move on you?”

“Not exactly, during his stay at the hospital which was for about a week or so? I visited him daily and he, unlike you, did not sleep a lot. So there was a lot of time for us to talk about things and the feelings I had for him became stronger. I told him how I felt and to my surprise, he said he felt the same way. Alanna, I know that Michael also has feelings for you but I am willing to look past that because both Michael and I know that you are infatuated with Adrian.” What can I say back to her? She is now with Michael and there is nothing that I can do about it. She is right in what she is saying: that for me it will always be Adrian. However, I still feel very strongly about Michael and I am beginning to worry why he has not come to visit me yet? I want him to be happy and if Katharine can make him happy then I will have to accept that although it is hard to take and I will need time to adjust. Again, I did wish for this but somehow I feel that my wish is not a miracle but instead a disaster and I am not one-hundred-per-cent happy about it. I need Michael more now than I did before and with Adrian away, he is the only part of him that I have left. The only part that proves that Adrian was not just a dream, he was real and the way he felt about me was real. I will never go a day without thinking of him. My heart is aching from not seeing him and now that I do not have Michael in the way that I used to, my pain has only worsened. I feel that I am to suffer without them in my life. I need at least one before I can ever be happy. I slip out from underneath the covers and position myself on the edge of the bed. My foot hits the cold floor and I look to my friend. Her face is anxious but if I look long enough into her eyes, I can see that she is happy. I remember when she first saw Michael and I feel that she knew from that moment that she wanted him. She longed for Michael and followed him around like a lost puppy until he took notice. Her days were spent spying on him and wondering where he was. My mind rushes back to the first time that I saw him with her. Leaning against the lockers of Columbia his eyes were piercing and her smile was gorgeous they looked wonderful together and I was happy for them. Until things turned sour they were the “it” couple of the moment. Every girl was jealous when they saw her with Michael. Katharine masked in the glory of having someone like him. She felt she deserved to be with him and I could not have agreed more. They broke up and Katharine fell apart, to this day, I remember his words, “she was fine for a while but I don’t want to be with her”. I cannot imagine how he now feels about her. I worry that he is forcing himself to be with her so that he has someone to fall back on now that he knows we can never be together. As much as my heart is aching for Adrian, it still races for Michael. The very mention of his name gives me goose bumps that I wish I could explain. But no matter how hard I try I can’t find the words all I know is that I can’t be without Adrian or Michael. I look at Katharine for what feels like the thousandth time .I realise that I have to be supportive of her and Michael. I cannot show my true feelings because, if I do, I will risk losing my friend. There is no way that I go through losing another person who I care so much for. I consult with myself on what my approach to this situation will be. As I conclude, it is clear to see what I need to do. If I want Michael in my life then I need to be ok with him and Katharine. I will focus on just being their friend and be there if they need advice. It will hurt to see him with her however, he is not my boyfriend and he is not obliged to me. I need to realise that I cannot control him. What would give me the right to say that he could not be with someone who cares for him? I do not have any right to question what he does. He has to be free to live his life and I have to allow him that luxury.

“Katharine,” I say as I turn fully towards her.

“Be with Michael he is an amazing guy he will always treat you right and promise me that you will look after him and be the best that you can be to him.” Katharine smiles and takes my hand she looks into my huge brown eyes.

“I will Alanna, I love him,” I do not answer I simply take her in my arms and we hug for what seems like the first time ever.