Three Thousand Miles(9)

“Alanna, is there something more that you would like to tell me about him?” she says, as she looks deep into my eyes.

“No, I just want you to understand how I feel about everything. The parties and the high society crowd do not interest me anymore. I have realised that life is more important and I can’t be drawn into that lifestyle anymore. Not when I know how hard life is for other people.”

“Alanna you have always cared too much about other people but that’s just who you are however, I don’t want you to miss out on life because you feel guilty.” I sigh and I know that my mom is right in what she is saying. I know that I am not a bad person and going to a glamorous party will not make me a villain. However that does not stop the aches of guilt that I have on how selfish these parties and people can be. While they sip on their champagne, and talk about their trips to Paris, somewhere out there an innocent child is going through what Adrian has. That feeling takes over my body, I begin to despise the people around me and their selfish ways, and all I feel like doing is rushing out and helping those who are in need.

“I am not missing out on life, but the priorities in my life have changed. I am not the same girl that I used to be.”

“I can see that Alanna and I am very proud of you for caring so much about others. But I still feel that you need to concentrate on you and especially now.” My mom takes my hand and I can see that she does have my best interests in mind so I look her and I say.

“I will focus on myself but I can’t give up on Adrian.” She rolls her eyes slightly and fidgets with her skirt. I feel that she has more to say and I want everything to be out, so I am going to quiz her on how she really feels.

“You look as if you have something more to say,” I say looking her directly in the eye as I sit up further in the bed. My mom moves back from me a little.

“Have you ever considered Michael as an option?” I am shocked at her words and I feel that I want to know on how she feels about Michael.

“What about Michael?” I have an idea of what she will say, but I ask anyway as I want it to be clear.

“He clearly cares for you and I feel that he would be a better choice for you. I don’t feel that would take the control as much as Adrian and possibly you would have a better life with Michael.” I listen to her speak and I cannot process what she says. Why would she think that I would be better off with Michael? I do not understand why she would want me to choose him over Adrian has she listened to anything that I have said?

“Why would you want me to be with him?”

“Because he loves you and he saved your life. Surely you can see that now you are bonded with him and trust me you will not get over a thing like that. Every day you live, every time you breathe, you will owe all that to him and I could never imagine Adrian living up to that.” I hold my head in my hands, is what she saying true? Will I treat Adrian differently after what Michael has done? I lean back and I push my hair from my face with my hands. I exhale and I try to respond.

“You are right that I do owe everything to him and I feel very strongly towards him and maybe he would be the sensible choice. However, I do not love him the way I do Adrian. I have thought of all the possibilities and if I were with Michael, things would be different. But I would not have that great love, I would just be settling for him and he deserves so much more than that.” My mom reaches out and takes my hand.

“Sweetie I just want you to be happy and if Adrian makes you happy then who am I to stand in your way. However, Alanna you have to promise me that you will take better care of yourself. After what has happened you should put your priorities in order and make the most of life.” I smile and I slowly shift over to her. I wrap my arms around her and hold her as tight as I can. I breathe in her Chanel no5 perfume and think back to a simpler time. It was the night of my senior prom and Sophie and I were getting ready in my mom’s oversized bedroom. We sat at the massive antique white dressing table. My mom’s jewels and pearls lay before us as we styled our hair until it was the most perfect that it could be. Our glamorous ball gowns lay on the bed set out with every accessory possible. My dress was a Vera Wang that my mom had specially bought me. It was a soft baby pink and was very fitted and faltering. The tight bodice showed of my tiny waist and the back flowed until it reached the floor. The white, stitched-in, pearls and diamonds were a special touch that my mom added. She had wanted the dress to be as special as it could be and that is exactly what it was. It was my dream dress and it twinkled in the light. I felt unique as I danced away at my prom. With Sophie also in a custom designed gown. Her’s was lilac, it fitted her like a glove it flowed down her back, and she looked stunning. I remember that night vividly and I still hear the music that played. I think of my life and how I thought that night, it was complete. I did not have a boyfriend but I felt that I did not need one. If someone had told me then how things would pan out then I would have laughed in there face and told them. “That wasn’t me, I am not the type to be defined by a guy.” When the night ended and when Sophie was named prom queen and I saw how happy that had made her. I felt that nothing would ever matter as much as this. Most of the girls were jealous and thought Sophie did not deserve to win. Inside I felt that there could be no one else who deserved it as much as she did. I hated the comments that the rude girls made and I despised the fact that they would insult Sophie in the way they did. I knew they were cruel but that night jealously took over. I arrived home to find that my mom had waited up for me. She sat in the living room with her favourite book and sipped away at a hot chocolate. I walked in and her eyes light up. We talked for ages about everything that had happened at prom. She was a little surprised that Sophie was crowned prom queen however; she felt that Sophie needed that in her life and was glad that it made her so happy. We sat by the fire and talked for hours and there was a distinctive smell of her favourite perfume, which filled the air, as I lay closer to my mom. I will always remember that night and remember the aroma of Chanel no5.