Three Thousand Miles(13)

“That’s ridiculous it’s not his fault.”

“I know that, but I am just saying that from the way Adrian was acting he did blame himself.”

“That’s why I have to talk to him. I have to make him see that none of what happened could ever be his fault. He needs to understand that I am going to be ok, he doesn’t have to worry about me anymore.” I have to fight back a tear as his glowing eyes enter my mind.

“He needs to pick up the phone and stop sulking.” Katharine says in an urgent voice.

“How can I make him answer me there is no way for me to do that?”

“We will have to figure this out you can’t go on like this you and Adrian are meant for one another.”

“Again, what can we do?”

“What if I called him?”

“Do you really think he would answer?”

“It’s worth a shot and he doesn’t have my number so he might think its business and answer.”

“I don’t know but if you feel you want to then, yes, try it.” Katharine reaches into her bag and takes out her phone. She flicks through the numbers but does not dial.

“I don’t have his number.”

“Get it from here,” I say as I hand over the white Blackberry that he sent me. Katharine flicks through my phone until she comes across Adrian’s number. She quickly types it into her phone and looks to me before she hits send.

“Are you sure that you want me to do this?”

“Yes, why wouldn’t I?”

“Haven’t you stopped to think about, if he does answer, what he might say?” I realise that I have not. He could say anything from, he does not love me anymore, to that he has found someone else. Now that Katharine has planted doubt, my mind is working overtime. Even with all the negative thoughts, I have, I still want to her to call him. I need to know that he is ok and that possibly he is thinking of me. I take a deep breath and I say.

“Yes, I have thought about it, and all the possibilities, but I still want you to call him, I know that I would regret it if I told you not to.” Katharine does not answer instead she hits the call the button. The phone begins to ring and I can feel my heart race as we wait for Adrian to pick up. My chest is thumping even harder the longer I wait for him to answer. I look to Katharine and I notice that she is just as nervous as I am. Katharine’s face has lost its entire colour and her eyes are blinking rapidly. Her breathing is heavy as she holds the phone to her ear. I notice the movements of her face as I look down to floor.

“Hello”, she finally says and I realise that Adrian has answered. My heart is now pounding and I feel that if it beats any faster it will jump out of my chest. I immediately focus my attention on Katharine.

“Adrian it is Katharine, please don’t hang up!” She says her voice sounding urgent. Katharine walks over and sits next to me on the bed. She puts the speakerphone on and begins to talk to Adrian.

“Adrian, I need to talk to you,” her voice now sounds weaker than before.

“Go ahead,” Adrian says and my heart feels as if it has sank into a deep ocean at the sound of his muscular voice.

“Where are you Adrian?”

“That is not important, how is Alanna?” He says in his deep London accent. “She is fine and recovering well, she needs you.” My nerves are shot and I cannot bear listening to his voice. I want to scream out to him, how much that I love him but I hold back and take in his words.

“I am glad that she is ok but, you are wrong, she doesn’t need me in her life.”

“She does need you, she loves you and you love her too, don’t deny it.”

“I know how she feels, but Katharine she is better off without me I only bring risk to her and I won’t allow that to happen again.” Katharine stares at me, as I stare back I see that her face is mystified she must find this hard to understand. If this was Katharine in my situation, I know that I would be a lot sharper with Adrian.

“You are making no sense,” I hear Adrian sigh.

“Katharine, I am bad for Alanna and the sooner everyone sees that the better.” “No, you are what she needs, you cannot abandon her like this.” She says now sounding sharper.

“She will get over this and she will see that her life is better and safer without me.” I feel the urge again to scream out to him but, yet again, I resist.

“If you believe that then you are crazy, she will never get over you, she loves you too much to even try.”

“Yes, I know that she loves me, I thank god every day that I met her, and she showed me how to care and how to you love. I will never get over her but I know that if I care for her then I have to let her go.” He says in a desperate but sad voice. I am, scared by what he is saying. I felt that this was all just a brief thing and that he would come round in time. Hearing his words now seems too real and my worst fears about losing him are now realised. I try my hardest to fight back the tears that fill my eyes however, I am unsuccessful and they start to pour freely from eyes. Katharine looks to me and her face is sympathetic, she quickly reaches into her bag and pulls out a white tissue that is, designed with little daisies in the corner. She hands me the tissue and I nod to her in appreciation. I wipe away as much of my salty tears as I can. Katharine looks very annoyed now and I can see the frustration in her eyes.