The First Last Boy(28)

"Ryan won't talk about his past."

"Maybe he's got a good reason." Brooklyn had a funny look on her face.

"What?" I asked.

"I like Ryan okay, especially after what he did for me beating that guy's ass. But you need to be careful."

"Are you referring to his past? It's not like he still has any ties to it, right?"

Brooklyn's gaze didn't meet mine. "I've heard a few things."

I couldn't fathom that Ryan could still be involved with someone like  Chanos. He was still a bad ass and there was something about him that  when he sent one look their direction made other people give him space,  and I'd witnessed that myself, but I'd know if he was back to his former  life. Wouldn't I? Thoughts spun in my head. I'd heard stories. The  drugs, the women, the drive-by...wait a second. What if what had  happened to my mom was somehow tied to Ryan? I mentally slammed the door  on the thought. That was impossible. It wasn't who Ryan was anymore.  Besides that, I knew he'd never cause my family or me to get hurt.         

     



 







RYAN



I left Tana's house after Juvante showed up to take the watch. If she  knew I had people looking out for her, she'd probably get mad, but I  needed to know she was being protected whenever I wasn't there.

The miles to Mama Leena's house passed as I struggled with the changes  rushing toward me. Soon my life wouldn't be mine. I'd get jumped back  into the gang. I thought about the gun. To keep the ugly life I'd once  lived from hurting Tana more than it already had, I didn't have a choice  about the direction my life had taken, but I wouldn't cross that line.  Chanos wanted to put me on a leash, to own me and use me in ways that  would make him a street god everyone would fear. He planned to use Tana  as leverage to keep me on that leash. He'd hold her life over my head.  What he failed to realize was that I was holding onto the other end of  that leash. When I took my last breath and left this world, I was taking  Chanos with me.

I guided the Charger into the driveway and Roman shut off the lawn mower  and wiped his face with the end of his worn out shirt. "Hey," he jerked  his head toward the house. "Clarke is back."

After what happened to Tana's mom, Clarke had taken off, dragging his guilt baggage with him.

"I'll talk to him." I reached back into the Charger through the passenger window and took out the gun.

Darting a look toward the house, Roman said, "Don't let Mama see that.  She's already pretty jumpy." He followed me to the backyard shed.

"Why is she jumpy?"

"Someone threw a rock through Destiny's bedroom window."

"Shit. I'll deal with it." I took the shovel and went around behind the shed.

He grabbed my shoulder. "You'll talk to Clarke. You'll deal with Mama,"  he mimicked in a whiny voice. "Fuck all this talk and let's go do  something."

Slamming the edge of the shovel into the ground, I shoved his hand away.  "Like what? You wanna go play drive-by? Spill a little blood, have a  little blood spilled? Will that make you feel like a man? It won't  change what happened. Don't be stupid. Now, give me your shirt."

Roman pulled it over his head and handed it to me. "So we just do  nothing? Let Chanos think we're pussies? You know he was the one that  called the hit that made Tana's mom end up getting shot."

I wrapped the gun in the shirt and laid it on the ground while I dug a hole. "I'm going to handle it."

"Yeah, because you're the man with the biggest balls and you can start a war all by yourself."

"I didn't start this war." I kept digging.

"Go ahead. Say it. You've been burning with it. It's Clarke's fault.  It's my fault." He hit my shoulder with his palm. "You think it doesn't  eat at me? That I don't think about it every damn day?"

"Back off, Roman. I'm not in the mood for your shit."

He hit me again. I dropped the shovel and punched him below the eye. He  fell backward and then scrambled to his feet to tackle me around the  knees. I rolled over to get him on his back and started whaling on his  face.

Roman took the punches, popped me across the lip and then caught me hard in the ribs.

I gave him a solid right back to his ribs and he grunted.

"Hey! Mama's looking for you. What are you doing?" Destiny's voice rose an octave.

I shoved away from Roman. "What the fuck does it look like we're doing? We're playing tag."

"Whatever." She flounced off.

I lay on my back looking up at the bright blue sky.

"I think you broke my damn nose." Roman sat up and spit blood. He shot  me a look with eyes full of pleading. "You're my brother. The shit you  have to deal with, it's my shit too especially since it's part my  fault."

Getting to my feet, I pressed my hand to my lip. "You fight like a girl."

Roman winced as he traced his fingers around his eye. "So do you."

I dropped the gun into the hole and picked up the shovel to bury it.  "I'll lock the shovel up and then I'll braid your hair, sweetheart."

Roman laughed. "One of these days, I'm gonna beat your ass."

After I finished covering up the gun, I slung my arm around his shoulder  as we went to the house. "Might scare me a little if your lip wasn't  swelling."

"Seriously, Ryan. We do this together."

"Seriously, Roman. No." I brushed past him and went inside the house. I  wasn't going to be responsible for any more blood on my hands. Roman  didn't know the kind of shit Chanos would do and I didn't want my  brother caught up in that. I needed to make sure someone was left behind  to watch over Mama Leena once I was gone.         

     



 





Chapter Sixteen

TANA



In the middle of desperation, you keep swimming as long as you can and  just when you see the shore and think that you're going to be okay, that  your family is going to be okay, you end up caught in a riptide.

The hospital wanted money or they were going to move mom to the county  hospital. The one with the high record of poor patient care and  preventable deaths. They'd been on the news after a patient had died of  an infection they'd ignored. I needed to keep Mom where she was and the  only money I had that would pay the bill was my college tuition. So I  gave it to the hospital yesterday. But I needed money for us to live on.  Without mom's income, things were getting pretty ugly financially. I  was counting pennies and cutting corners, but I didn't know how much  longer I could keep it up. That's the only reason that I reached a point  low enough to call my poor excuse for a father.

As soon as his deep voice came across the line, I gripped the phone. "Um...Mom was in an accident."

"Sorry to hear that." The sound of him typing on a keyboard leaked across the line.

"She's not doing that well."

"Hang on, Montana. Margie, could you get Carl back on the line for me? Okay, go on."

I gritted my teeth. "I had to pay the hospital bill."

"That's the way the real world works, kiddo."

"Dad," I said sharply. "I need some money to replace what I had to pay the hospital. I know that you have it."

"I'm not responsible for your mother's care."

"It won't be for that. The only money I had was my tuition money, so I  used that. But we need money for groceries and to keep the lights on."

"You'll figure it out. Listen, I've got to run to make a meeting. I'll call you later."

I hung up before he did and cursed myself for being so stupid. Had I  really thought he'd jump at the chance to help? I didn't regret for one  second giving up my tuition money but I'd thought that somehow,  magically, I'd make the phone call and everything would be fine.

I tossed my phone onto the table and threw some chicken nuggets into the  microwave. Biting my nail, I tried to come up with a solution,  something that would tide us over for a few weeks.

Mark walked into the kitchen and frowned at the box on the counter. "I  don't want that chicken. It tastes like rubber. Why can't I have  cereal?"

"Because you ate cereal yesterday and you can't have cereal for  breakfast, lunch, and supper." I pushed my hair out of my eyes,  frustrated and ready to cry. The days had crawled by and today marked  two and a half weeks since someone shot my mom. Everything had piled up  at once since yesterday and now after the phone call my nerves had  reached the breaking point.

Today, I'd dropped Mark off at his friend's house, stopped by the  hospital, gone on to work my shift, picked Mark up, stopped by the  hospital again, came home, and cooked. Then I would have to clean the  kitchen, straighten the house, toss in some laundry, and try to get Mark  to go to bed. Tomorrow, the same cycle would begin all over again.

Mark grabbed the cereal from the pantry and I took it from him. "I said no."

He slammed the bowl he'd dug out of the counter onto the table so hard  that it cracked along the side and threw the spoon into the sink. "You  suck at cooking. You suck at cleaning and you suck. You said mom would  come home. You lied. You're not supposed to lie. You suck." His hands  balled into fists.