The First Last Boy(31)

"I don't hate you." Her expression was bland, like I was a stranger she was talking to about the weather.

The disappointment radiating from her followed me out. As soon as I set  foot on the porch, the door shut behind me and she locked up. I hung  around outside until Juvante showed up. For once, his usual humor was  missing. He jerked his head toward the house. "How are they?"

"A mess."

Juvante glanced at me. "Where are you heading?"

"To the hospital."

"Oh, man." Juvante sighed. He thumped my shoulder. "You're not going to  find what you're looking for. She can't give you absolution for the  things you did in the past that led to her shooting."

"I need to do this."

He nodded. "Alright, man. I'll keep watch."

I walked around the Charger and opened the door. "When I get back we need to talk about setting up a few matches."

Juvante's eyes widened. "Thought you were done with those once you went to work at the garage."

Bare knuckle boxing was a good way to break the bones in your hand if  you landed a jab wrong against an opponent's head. I hadn't wanted to  risk injuring my hands because I'd wanted to work on cars. I'd wanted to  leave any kind of violence behind. Too late for any of that now. "I  have to do it," I said. "And I need big draws."

"Chanos put you up to this?"

"No. This is for Tana."

He nodded. "I'll talk to Brooklyn's brother. We can probably get a few  thousand dollar ones right away. You've been missed in the cock fights,  man."         

     



 

I grinned at that. Everyone knew the fights were about two things. The  money and who was the baddest ass. "See ya." I eased from the driveway  and let the night swallow up the car.





Chapter Eighteen

TANA



I rolled over in bed and punched the pillow, then flopped onto my back  and stared at the ceiling. It was hot in the house and the air  conditioner wasn't working well. The heat combined with thinking about  Ryan made it hard to sleep. Where had he gone? To another girl? I'm done  with him, remember? So what if he went out to screw some other girl? It  wasn't my business and it didn't matter to me. My heart lurched, making  me a liar.

Oh, who the hell was I kidding? Tossing aside the sheet, I reached for  my robe and froze. There was a noise at the front of the house. Oh my  God. I crept from the room and when I reached the living room, I crawled  to the door and peeked through the window beside it. Juvante? What the  hell? Standing up, I yanked open the door. "Juvante!"

He jumped and spun around. "Damn, girl. Give me a heart attack."

"What are you doing here?"

He looked uncertain and I knew it had something to do with Ryan. The two of them were as thick as thieves. "What's going on?"

"Nothing's going on. Can't a guy stop by to see his brother?"

"It's after midnight. What couldn't wait?"

"He used to read me bedtime stories. I miss that." Juvante made a show of fake sobbing and wiping away tears.

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Seriously."

Juvante sat on the porch steps. "He has some business, alright?"

"Whatever." I sat next to him, trying to find the courage to ask the  question I hoped had a good answer. After a few minutes of silence, I  asked, "Is he with another girl?"

"Another...no, no. Nothing like that." He smirked. "So that's your issue? You and my boy, huh? I knew he was hitting that."

Irritated, I said, "We're nothing more than friends and I'm not even sure we're that now."

He slid away from me. Looking up at the stars, he said, "If there's any  lightning, I don't want to sit anywhere near your lying ass."

Twisting my fingers together, I said, "Ryan's not interested."

"Is that right?"

I sighed and shook my head. "I don't know why I'm talking to you."

"Because you secretly want me?"

"You know it. How are things with Alexa?"

He lifted his shoulders. "She got mad when she found out I was joining  the Marines instead of sticking around to play house with her. She  dumped me."

"I'm sorry. You want to talk about it?"

"Nah. I beat somebody up and felt better."

I laughed. "You're crazy." He put his arm across my shoulders and  grinned at me but his smile faded when I said, "Now tell me why you're  really here."







RYAN



I had to make a stop before I went to the hospital. It was probably a  stupid idea and I sure as hell wasn't a religious guy, but I'd try any  avenue to fix what had happened. As I pulled into the driveway of Mama  Leena's house, I shut off the engine and let the Charger coast to a  stop. Then I tried to be as quiet as I could getting into the house.

Roman was asleep on the couch, his mouth open, his snores filling the  room. Destiny was at the kitchen table flipping through a magazine and  drinking a Coke. She shut the magazine when I walked in. "Hey."

"Hey yourself." I went into my bedroom and she followed. I didn't want  her to know my real mission tonight, didn't want anyone to know, so I  grabbed a duffel bag and started throwing some clothes into it.

Destiny watched from the doorway. "You're moving out?"

"I'm going to stay with Tana for a little while. She needs help taking care of Mark."

"Brooklyn or Shelby couldn't do it?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask. I offered. Do me a favor and pack my shaving stuff."

"Okay."

When she didn't leave, I stopped moving around the room and looked at her. "What's wrong?"

"That brick through my window. Do you think that meant anything?"

"Just some dumbass kid, probably. Why? Are you worried?"

She looked over her shoulder when Roman let out a particularly loud  snore. "With the fearless Roman around? Why would I be worried?" She  smiled at me and left.

When I was alone, I raced to the dresser and yanked open the top drawer.  I rooted around the socks until I found what I was looking for. A  necklace with the patron saint of healing on a small silver pendant. It  had belonged to my mother and was the only thing of hers I owned. My  bastard father had destroyed everything else. I folded it into my hand  when Destiny came back to hand me the shaving stuff.         

     



 

"Thanks." I shoved the necklace into my pocket and then took the bag  from her to stuff it into the duffel bag. I walked into the living room  and Roman sat up with a jerk. He blinked sleepily at me, then swung his  feet off the sofa. He grunted a greeting and then wandered into the  kitchen scratching himself.

Destiny shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"Lock up." I waited on the porch until she did and then stood there a  few minutes longer just listening to the sounds in the neighborhood.  When I was satisfied that nothing was going on, I threw the duffel bag  into the Charger and took off for the hospital.

It didn't take long to get there and since I was good at sneaking into  places, getting to Ms. Shaw's room undetected was easy. I hated seeing  her lying in the bed so still and pale, knowing that I might as well  have been the one to put her there.

I eased down into the chair beside her bed and leaned close. "Uh...Ms.  Shaw. It's Ryan." I exhaled. "I don't know if you can hear me." An image  of my mother flashed into my mind and I bowed my head. Would she have  been ashamed of the man I'd become? Of the damage that I'd left in my  wake?

"I uh...I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry." I eased up on one hip and  pulled the necklace from my pocket, resting the weight of it in the  center of my palm. I had vague memories of my mother wearing the  necklace. Distorted images of her smiling face, her kind eyes.

I swallowed. "I should have saved you." I looked at the bed. "I should  have saved both of you and it's my fault. I was trying to be a good man  and steer clear of Chanos. He struck first and that's on me." I took a  deep breath. "But I wanted you to know that I'm going to make it right. I  swear. I'll also make sure Tana has her college money and I'll take  care of her and Mark for you. And I hope that you can forgive me for  this. Um...I guess that's all." I slipped the pendant into her hand and  draped the necklace around her wrist.

My cell phone buzzed and I snatched it up to silence it before a nurse  busted me. The text was from Chanos. You were supposed to be here. You  want to visit Tana in there next?





Chapter Nineteen

TANA



I fell asleep at some point after talking to Juvante who never did tell  me why he'd shown up at my house so late. He'd kept changing the  subject. I yawned and rose on one elbow to check the alarm clock. Not  quite seven. I flopped back down in the bed and then the odor of coffee  and bacon hit me.

For the briefest of seconds, sadness washed over me. The smell was  synonymous with my mom. Every morning. Coffee and bacon. I combed my  fingers through my bed hair and went to investigate.