Razorblade Kisses(110)

He inspected her new tattoos and shook his head.

“I missed everything about you. I missed your eyes that know what I’m thinking just by looking at me.” She kissed his eyelids. “I missed your touch, especially those hands that know exactly what my body wants.” She kissed the palm of both of his hands. “I missed your arrogant nature and your ability to see right through me.” She straddled him and ran her hands through his hair and kissed him. Emery ran her thumb down the side of his face. “I missed you so much.”

“You have no idea,” he mumbled.

She inhaled deeply, looking him directly in the eyes. “So…my stepfather started raping me when I was thirteen.” Her gaze never strayed from Tim’s eyes; she wanted him to see her while he heard all of this. Not like last time. “He continued to rape me until I was sixteen and Rachel talked me into leaving.”

Tim’s hands gripped her hips tighter, but he didn’t say anything.

“I was so dumb, Tim, I made so many mistakes.” She closed her eyes for a second. “If I knew then…I would’ve told someone other than my sixteen-year-old juvenile delinquent friend. I would’ve saved my sister. I would’ve forced him out of my house.”

“That’s a lot to ask of a sixteen-year-old,” Tim soothed.

Emery opened her eyes and sought his again. She continued her story, walking him all the way through Nashville and her escape to Savannah. Tim listened and held her.

“That day Rachel called me and told me to meet her, I knew something bad had happened, but I just had no idea what it would be…”

“Shhh, Emma, you don’t have to tell me. Rachel filled me in on that part.”

“No, Tim. I do have to tell you. I want to tell you everything…everything I should’ve told you from the beginning.”

He pulled her as close to him as he could without being inside of her. Typically, she’d push back, but instead, she breathed him in. She inhaled the sweat, the grass, him. Emery let him hold her, his arms creeping up around her torso.

“Ashley was such a beautiful little girl. She had this smile that would light up an entire room.” Her voice broke.

“Baby…”

“Listen, let me finish, because I’m gonna need to tell you all of this really fast, okay?”

She felt him nod his head and exhale.

“So I went to her funeral. I sat far away and watched them lower her into the ground and everything I’d been trying to accomplish by leaving and living just disappeared. I couldn’t see anything but my vengeance for him and there he sat, with my fucking mother, at her graveside. Like he was fucking grieving.”

She blinked and focused her gaze on Tim’s chest. “I went to their house to kill him. I wanted to kill him. I was ready to kill him. Then my mom showed up and said she was the one that had been looking for me because she wanted to fix whatever had made me run. She allowed my sister to be raped too, just like me. She hadn’t known until Ashley…” she swallowed, “until she read it in Ashley’s note. I didn’t tell her when I could have or I should have. I was young and stupid, but I look back and wonder if she would’ve done anything about it then. I don’t know…”

“Babe, I know this is hard.” He squeezed her. “You’re so brave.”

She took a deep breath and continued. “She took my gun and shot him and then shot herself. Then I came back here got drunk and Meme took me to Lucas’s house. I thought he was dead too and it was too much. And then I attacked his mother. God, how could I even live with myself after all that? I felt like poison and it would be best for everyone if I just left.”

Tim pulled her tighter, if that was possible.

“My sister killed herself because he raped her. He raped her because I left. So basically I killed her,” she rationalized, “and I’m going to have to live with that.”

“You know that isn’t true,” Tim whispered.

“It’s how I feel, though. It’s my truth and that’s all that matters.” Emery saw acceptance and what she knew was love burning in his eyes. “What I’ve been really confused about is Lucas…”

“The black bag you saw was a dog Lucas had brought home. The boyfriend shot the dog in front of Lucas and then beat the shit out of him in front of his very drunk mother.”

“Oh God,” she whispered.

“He’s fine. He was a little confused because you disappeared, but he’s doing okay. I know he’ll be excited to see you.” Tim swiped a stray hair from her face and kissed her gently, parting her lips with his tongue.