Razorblade Kisses(108)

“Are you okay?”

“I wanted to apologize, Rachel, for everything. Noah told me…”

“You talked to him?”

“He came to Key West a couple days ago and called me on my shit. Told me I wasn’t being fair to you. You’ve done everything for me and I was just waiting to die.”

“Oh,” Rachel squeaked out.

“He was right, it wasn’t fair. I…Ashley’s death threw me, Rachel. Not only did I blame myself for it, she did too. My thirteen-year-old sister told me that she wouldn’t have done it if I’d stayed.” That’s not what it said, but it was certainly how Emery felt.

“Emery…”

“Just let me finish, Rach. I’m devastated. I’m empty, but I’m alive. My sister was thirteen and she’d just been raped. I understand her blaming me. It took me four months to realize she was in a horrible place when she wrote that letter. She blamed me for leaving her and maybe I should be blamed, but so should my mother and that fucking…” Emery could barely think his name, let alone say it. She sighed. “I understand…”

“That’s bullshit,” Rachel said over Emery’s words.

“I understand she didn’t mean it. I hope she knew I loved her, Rachel, but I did leave her there. My mother failed her like she failed me and it ruined us both. Ashley’s pain was too much and I’m a shell of a person who fucks up everything, but I’m going back. I’m going to beg Tim’s forgiveness. To ask him if he wants to know me…”

“He knows you Emery, the real you. He doesn’t care what you call yourself. “

“Rachel, I’m glad Noah’s happy. I’m humiliated you let him read my letters, though,” Emery admitted, her voice full of mortification.

“It was the only way, Em. He didn’t understand. He was really mad at you when you left. I needed him to see that you didn’t want to leave and that you mourned the loss of him. I don’t know what he said to you, but I’m glad it worked.”

“I’m sorry, Rachel. I’m sorry for everything. I promise I’ll try to make it up to you.”

“Oh good, that’ll be fun.” Rachel yawned.

“I’ll let you go, I just wanted to apologize and tell you that I’m headed back to Savannah.”

“When can I see you?”

Emery’s heart soared that even after what she’d done, Rachel was right there. “I don’t deserve you.”

“It’s not about what you deserve. When people love each other, they…” Rachel’s voice broke with emotion.

“I owe you everything,” Emery whispered.

“You owe me nothing. You’re my best friend and I need you, just like you need me.”

“I missed you.”

“Good, asshole, now get your shit together and get to Atlanta to see me. We have a lot to talk about and you need to meet with my dad too. He set up the foundation and bank account and all sorts of shit with the money your mother left you.”

Emery laughed at Rachel; always back to normal so quickly after a lapse in emotion.

“I love you and I’ll call you later.”

“You deserve to be happy, Emery. Remember that.”





CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE

Coming Home



Butterflies were so numerous in her belly that she thought she would vomit as she drove the route directed by her GPS through Savannah. She had no idea where she was going or how Tim donated a piece of land in Savannah to the foundation that Rachel and Derrick set up for her. The Ashley Shaw Foundation. She couldn’t think of the name without seeing her sister and tears forming in her eyes.

As she navigated in the city she’d come to think of as home, she scratched at the bandage on her left wrist under her sister’s name. It covered a new tattoo, one she decided to get the minute she realized what she’d done and, hopefully, what waited for her. Under the bandage she bore a tattoo in teal ink to remind her that hope made her want love and love made her accept hope. It was a heart that melted into an anchor, with a dove flying above it. So that she’d always remember to have hope, even when it hurt.

Emery pulled into a wooded lot and squinted to make sure she was at the right place. The unpaved driveway wound through woods a bit before she saw a clearing and a one story house, but her eyes were drawn immediately to a figure clad in only shorts and tennis shoes. Tim had his hand over his eyes, shading them as he watched her approach. She felt bile rise in her throat. Meme had told her where he was, but she didn’t know how he would react to her sudden appearance.

The oppressive August heat made sweat break out all over her body as she stepped out of her car. Or was it nerves? Tim stood next to a riding lawnmower, staring at her like she was some foreign object he had to examine.