Razorblade Kisses(106)

“I…” She never thought she would see Noah again, but she was going to put it all out there. “I had to, Noah. I thought he found me and I couldn’t go back, not after knowing that people like you existed. I didn’t want you involved in my mess. You fixed me. You made me better. You helped me understand that I could be better. You showed me that there was something out there for me besides pain. When I was with you in Nashville, I was happy, and then it all slipped through my fingers. I had to leave the only thing that put a smile on my face every day and I had to start over. I had to…”

Noah put his hand on Emery’s, attempting to comfort her. He’d always wanted to make her feel okay. “I know. Rachel showed me all the letters you wrote me.”

“She what?!” Emery started to feel betrayed, but then she just shrugged because she didn’t feel anything anymore. “It was hard, Noah. I didn’t want to know anyone because I didn’t want to lose them again. Losing you was harder than what he did to me. I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry. I’m fatal to anyone I’m near. That’s why I’m here by myself.”

“You don’t know anything,” Noah said, sadly shaking his head and looking at their hands, now intertwined.

“I’ve lost more than I’ve ever had, Noah. Every time I try, I lose, and I lose more every time.”

“You can’t give up, Em. You’re better than that.”

“No, Noah,” Emery turned her head so that she couldn’t see his face, “I’m not.”

Noah nodded. “I’m married,” he blurted.

Another smile came immediately to her face. “I saw that,” she pointed at his ring. “I’m happy for you. You deserve it. You helped me when you didn’t have to. You allowed me to realize that not all males are like him. So who is the lucky lady?”

“Do you remember Vanessa?” Noah asked, watching her.

Emery thought for a minute. “Your hot tutor?”

“My hot tutor,” he confirmed. “I didn’t even see her when you were around, Em. I guess you blinded me somehow.”

“I’m sorry.”

“We’re pregnant.”

“You’ll be an awesome dad,” she said sincerely.

“I hope so, but I’m scared.”

She raised her eyes to his. “Of what?”

“Of messing him up.”

“It’s a boy?”

“Yes.” His wide smile made a little crinkling at the corners of his eyes.

“You’re pretty perfect. I don’t see you messing any kids up.” Emery turned the paper over in her hands, unsure of what to say next.

“You know, everyone is scared of things, Em,” Noah said and rubbed at the hem of his shorts.

“Sure.” She shrugged.

Quiet washed over them like the waves crashing at the shore. They had nothing else to say to one another. She’d given up and was going to stay here, anonymous, counting down the days of her life.

She sighed and stood up. “I’m sorry, Noah. I’m sorry for everything. For getting you mixed up with this, for leaving you after…”

“One of the best nights of my life? Yeah, that was soul crushing.” He sighed. “I’d never told a girl I loved her before that night. You are a fantastic person, Em. You made falling in love with you easy.” Noah pulled an envelope out of his pocket and gave it to her. “I told Rachel that this wouldn’t work, that you wouldn’t care that I was here.”

“I can’t care anymore,” she said. “I can’t let myself care about anything.” She didn’t know if she was trying to convince him or herself.

“Em, I hate that this happened to you. You were perfect. Even with everything that asshole put you through, you lit up a room. Now you look like you’re just waiting to die.”

Her head fell in defeat. He was right. She’d come here to wait for something, anything to help her escape this sad existence.

“Listen, I’m leaving in the morning. It was great to see that you’re alive and all, but you need to come home, whether it’s to Rachel or this cop in Savannah who can’t seem to get over you. I know how that feels.” He laughed uncomfortably. “You have people that want you no matter what, and they’re willing to wait for you, to build you a place to come back to. You’re spitting in their faces by staying here, at a bar, waiting to die.”

She stepped back from him like he’d slapped her across the face. Is that what she was doing, spitting in Rachel’s face? Her intentions were good. If she disappeared, then it would be easier for everyone. Emery retreated from Noah, putting a hand up in goodbye, and then turned quickly and walked back to the bar.