Razorblade Kisses(102)

Rachel looked at Derrick and then followed Emery into the bedroom. “Listen, I know you’re upset…”

“Upset!” Emery spun around and yelled. “Upset? You don’t know shit. I can’t even describe to you how I feel because it is so beyond anything I’ve ever felt. There’s no name for this emotion,” she choked out.

Rachel stepped close to Emery and tried to hug her.

Emery shook her head. “You should’ve told me, Rach. You should’ve known that Ashley was raped. I needed you to know.” Her voice caught with emotion she needed to wring out of herself like water out of a wash rag. Emery was so fucking tired of emotions.

Rachel’s eyes went wide and she stepped back. “Emery…” she warned.

“I can’t handle all of this. I don’t know how.” Emery slumped on the bed. “I’m so mad. I…”

“You can’t be mad at me. After all the …”

“Yes, the fuck, I’m mad at you. I’m mad at you the most, because you said you’d watch after her.”

Derrick’s boots made his presence known before he entered Emery’s room. He pointed his finger before he even said anything. “Emery, you need to be careful. Think before you say any more. All Rachel has ever done is save your fucking ass.”

Rachel sagged into him.

Emery’s rage consumed her. “Just get the fuck out of here, both of you. I can take care of myself.”

“What—” Rachel’s face crumbled at Emery’s tone.

“Come on, Rachel, let’s give her some space.” Derrick took her hand and began pulling her out of Emery’s room.

“Emery, I need you to calm down and then we’ll be back,” Rachel said through clenched teeth. “I’m giving you an hour before I expect your apology.”

“Fuck you.” Emery turned around and walked toward her closet.

She heard the door slam as Derrick and Rachel left. Now she had no one. Now she would leave. Emma Simpson would be left on the floor of this apartment where she’d never be seen or heard from again. Her job would be filled by some other nameless, faceless bleeding heart that wouldn’t be able to help anyone either. All the kids on her caseload would be shifted to someone else. Emma’s absence in Savannah would be swallowed up and no one would give a shit.

She began throwing clothes in a suitcase. She left her notebooks, the ones that reminded her she was okay. She left her computer; she’d get another one. Noah’s jersey lay in a heap on the floor in her closet for someone to find. Emery didn’t want anything that tied her to any of the people she was before. They didn’t exist anymore.

Emery stopped at the door and looked around the apartment, appreciating the memories that she’d try to forget. She pulled the cuff that Rachel had given her out of her pocket, the one that reminded her to be brave. She let it fall from her fingertips and the harsh sound as it hit the floor prompted her last round of tears.





CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

Make Me Wanna Die



Twenty minutes later, she was sailing down 95 and hurrying to get lost on the road. She stopped at a fast food restaurant and ate breakfast. After wiping everything that was Emma Simpson off her phone, she set it on the table and walked out of the restaurant. Her life was over, now she just had to go somewhere she wouldn’t hurt anyone she loved anymore.

Her windows were down and The Pretty Reckless blared from the speakers. Her hair blew around in a mess of tangles and despair. Tears no longer flowed like a leaky faucet; she’d cried herself dry. She’d lost herself again for a while in Savannah and in falling in love with someone she didn’t expect. Now Tim knew that she didn’t really exist and that everything about her was a lie. Lucas was dead. Ashley was dead. Her mother was dead. Phil was dead. Emery was truly alone.

The pain was too much to rationalize and the thought occurred to her to turn around and kill Trina, that wench of a mother. That wretched human being that was allowed a child. This world destroyed people, herself included, but she had hoped that Lucas would survive his abuse, like she had. She’d hoped that he’d survive and become someone happy and healthy, due, in part, to her. She wanted to help him and she’d failed. Hope. It had tempted her with its beauty and suffocated her with its reality.



It was only after she saw signs for Miami that she felt like she could breathe. Pulling off the exit, she stopped for gas then bought a pre-pay phone at Wal-Mart in South Beach. As she was walking through the doors to leave she saw two girls—young, maybe sixteen—giggling and holding hands. It reminded her of Rachel. I will miss that. She missed Rachel already. Emery had always known that she needed Rachel and now she felt that loss in her bones. Tim was someone she wouldn’t even allow herself to think about.