Lust(55)

We fell asleep sometime in the very early morning hours, curled up in  each other on her bed. And then woke the next morning to start moving  her in to my house. So much of my darkness had faded, and I could see  the same reflected in her eyes. I saw happiness in her smiles, and I was  sure mine were the same.

We were turning the page on a chapter in our lives, and I couldn't wait until the next one began.





"Ivy, come on, we're going to be late," I called to her as I walked into  our home office and found her behind her desk with her face in front of  her e-reader.

After she moved in a little over a month ago, I had turned my gym into  an office for both of us. My desk was on one side of the room and hers  was on the other, facing the door. I didn't seem to need the punching  bag anymore; ever since Ivy came into my life, my anger issues were  gradually dissipating, but I didn't want to get rid of all my equipment.  So I kept my row machine and a weight bench in the far corner. I  actually enjoyed the evenings when I'd work out while she sat at her  computer and did whatever she needed to for work.

Ivy was amazing. Since moving in, she had kept herself rather busy with  the book stuff she did. She designed some of the most beautiful things,  and had even used a picture of me for one of her cover designs. You  couldn't tell it was me, though. It was of my back while I was  stretching after a workout. But I must say, it looked pretty good.

"I'm almost done with this chapter, Cade. Just let me finish and I'll be ready."

"No." I stepped into the room and stood in front of her desk with my  hands splayed out on the top, hovering over her. "Your doctor's  appointment is in thirty-five minutes, and it's thirty minutes away. You  can finish it in the car." I knew she was stalling, I just wasn't sure  why.

"It's fine; I'll just reschedule," she said without even looking up.

I took the tablet from her hands against her loud protests, and pulled  her from her chair. "Why are you fighting this so much? Why don't you  want to go? I told you I'd be there with you. I even took the afternoon  off for this."

She closed her eyes and released a deep sigh. "I don't want her to look at me there."

I walked around the desk and stood in front of her, holding onto her  shoulders and tilting her body so that she'd have no option but to look  at me. "I don't understand. I thought we worked through that fear? Does  that still bother you? And when are you going to stop referring to your  pussy as ‘there'?"

"Of course it still bothers me, Cade. It will probably always bother me.  And the P word is meant for the bedroom, when it doesn't sound so bad.  I'd say vagina, but every time I do, your eyes light up-just like  they're doing right now."

I laughed. I couldn't help it if I lusted after my woman as much as I  loved her-which was a lot and all the time. My smile fell when my brain  returned to the original issue, her fear. "But you're fine when I look  at you. I thought you said I saved you."         

     



 

"You did …  you saved me for yourself. Even if we had kept our  relationship professional and you ended up clearing me, I don't think it  would have made any difference when it came to others. With you, I'm  fine, but not so much with other people-man or woman."

We had never talked about what would have happened if I didn't knock her  door down and convince her to come back with me. It always worried me  that one day she'd wonder what it would be like to explore relationships  with other people. She had only been with two men before me, and  neither of them brought emotion to the table. But hearing her admit to  me that she still hated the idea of being looked at by anyone but me, as  sick as it sounds, gave me an ego boost. It went both ways, though. I  still hated the idea of fucking anyone but Ivy on a bed or sleeping with  my arms tenderly wrapped around anyone but her. So I guess it was fair.

"Well, regardless, you have an appointment to get to. So come on." I  pulled her by her arm lovingly until she was following me on her own.  "Just close your eyes and pretend I'm the one between your legs. I'd  talk dirty to you while she's doing her thing if it'd help convince you,  but I don't think she'd appreciate it."

"It might help explain why we're there," she teased as we walked out to the car.

I waited until we were both buckled in and the engine started to purr  before commenting. "You're going there to get birth control; I don't  think she needs to hear me talk dirty to you to figure out why we need  it." Almost two weeks to the day after Ivy moved in, she had started her  period. It was a weird day since she had nearly convinced us both that  she was indeed pregnant, by sheer paranoia alone. There was nothing to  back up her theory, other than the obvious, but she was almost certain  of it-because it happened in books, I suppose. But once we realized she  wasn't, we were both quiet and full of thought.

Honestly, I was relieved that she wasn't. I didn't want that kind of  pressure on us so early in our relationship. We were still getting to  know one another, and working out the kinks of living with someone else.  The last thing we needed to add to that adjustment was a baby. But at  the same time, I had gotten used to the idea of having a family with  Ivy. And that was the sad part. But at least we knew we had plenty of  time for that. When I thought of life with Ivy, there was no doubt in my  mind that it was for eternity. I couldn't imagine life without her.

After the pregnancy scare, we had concluded that it would be a good idea  for Ivy to get on birth control. Condoms were the last thing on my mind  once she was naked, and the way she clenched around my dick as she came  made it extremely difficult to have enough thought in my head to pull  out. It was safest if we found a new safer form of birth control, one  that I couldn't forget to wear while in the heat of the moment.

Ivy decided to go with some ring that she put inside of her every month  so that she wouldn't have to bother with remembering to take a daily  pill. I didn't care what she went with, as long as it meant I could come  inside of her and not have to watch her freak out every month.

It pained me to watch her squirm on the table as the doctor performed  her exam. It was obvious by the expressions evident on Ivy's face how  uncomfortable she was, and when Ivy was in pain, I immediately wanted to  jump into protective mode. But I couldn't do this for her, it was  something she had to face head on and she did. No matter how awkward Ivy  was, she was determined to get through the exam. The doctor did ask her  once about the scarring, but I broke in and answered as clinically as I  could in order to keep Ivy from having to go through the explanation  again. The thankful look in her eyes was all I needed to tell me I had  made the right decision. I would have her back and she'd have mine.  There was a suffocating silence that filled the examination room after  my explanation, but I guess that was to be expected. It was an  astonishing story. But it brought back everything I had felt after she  told me her story, and I could tell she was also reliving the emotions  she had gone through. I kissed the back of her hand and continued to  hold onto it in order to offer her a sense of security. But who was I  kidding. I wanted to feel her hand in mine for my own security as well. I  have no idea what the doctor thought during the rest of the examination  since my attention was on my Ivy, and I wasn't going to break that for  anything.

The appointment didn't last that long, thank God, and once we were  finished, we headed back home. I was officially starting my new practice  the following week. I had been busy getting everything in order to  start up my new venture. By some miracle, my calendar was full and I had  made the decision to hire an assistant after realizing I now had a  reason to be home after office hours and didn't want to waste a single  moment going through the office bills or returning phone calls when I  could be spending that time with Ivy. But with all of that going on, I  hadn't been able to just curl up on the couch and watch TV with her. So  that's what we did when we got home.         

     



 

We watched some romantic comedy that Ivy wanted to see, but I barely  paid any attention to it. I was too busy watching her. The way her lips  curled up at the corners when she thought something was sweet made my  heart feel full. The way her top lip moved over her imperfect incisors  and her chest vibrated slightly when she thought something was funny  made me smile. And the way her eyebrows pinched together during an  intense scene made me want to kiss her forehead until all of the tension  was gone. I had learned so much about Ivy over the month we had been  living together, but nothing made me see her more clearly than watching  her reactions to the things around her or the unconscious facial  expressions during a movie. I could have watched her all fucking day  long, every single day and still learned something new about her.