Forever Dark(78)

I smile. For once it’s not forced.

“I mean it. You look amazing, Mad.” He takes a step forward, like I’m not real. “How did you… did you fly all the way here?”

“I walked.”

“What?”

I laugh. “Nothing.” And then I blurt it all out. Everything I’ve been meaning to say. “I love you, Cash. And I know I’ve said it before but you needed to hear it today. Before this game. Because sometimes we don’t get another chance. I know that I’ve let a lot of moments, opportunities, pass me by. I can’t do that anymore. And I want you to know what that love means. Like the kind of love where I want to be better. I have to be better. I want to be everything I can and never let you down.” I look up at him. “Here’s my moment.”

He shakes his head and leans back against the wall. “Remember what I said. You can’t do it for me. You need to do this for yourself.”

“Don’t you see… I am because of you.” I tell him on the verge of tears. He has to know that yes, I’m doing it for him, but I am because I want that. “That’s not being co-dependent. That’s me being honest. Sometimes we don’t do things for ourselves and that’s okay. No matter what the motivation, at least we’re doing it, right?”

He nods, his brow creasing and then I start to cry because I want him the way it used to be. No more of this early morning texting. “I want my grape Jolly Ranchers back and those sweet kisses in the bleachers. I want to write check yes or no notes and lay with you in a blue-lit morning where you don’t leave. I want that Cash, I do.”

He’s quiet and I’m nervous as to what he might say next. “I met a girl when I was nine.” He says warmly stepping toward me. “And then life got in the way and shit changed. I still loved her, through it all. I never stopped. What happened, what it did to us doesn’t change that. Nothing you can say or do would ever make me stop loving you. I’m forever.”

I had no idea how Cash would react to me that afternoon, or how any other day would go. But I had an idea right then.

Without hesitation, his mouth crashes to mine and mine eagerly obliged as he backs me against the wall. Sucking his bottom lip between my teeth, I bite down slowly and then pulled him into me by his shoulders. My back in the concrete wall again, he moves closer, his mouth firmer and then his tongue is in my mouth, hungry, rushing desire through my entire body in ways we never imagined were possible.

That kiss could have set the stadium on fire. Never had he kissed me like that.

“Wait for me, here, after the game.” He says pulling away from me with a sigh. “Please.”

He said please.

I can’t deny him. As if I actually would.

An hour later, the start of the opening ceremonies is set to begin, the teams’ bands cover the field, and I’m actually getting nervous for Macy and Cash. My hands are sweating and my stomach is in knots.

Imagine how they feel.

I’m looking around the stadium, in awe of the attendance here, when I spot Landon coming down the steps to me.

I start to panic. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to find Macy. I know you didn’t come alone.”

“Oh, yeah, uh,” I really start to panic, he raises his eyebrow. “She’s in the bathroom.”

“I’ll wait for her. I need to talk to her.” And he takes a seat.

Shit. He’s supposed to be down there where he has a better view. Damn it!

“Don’t you have to be on the field?”

“No. I’m not playing.”

I sit next to him. “You should be with your team.”

“I’ll go back down when Macy comes back. I need to talk to her.”

Shit. I sit down as the marching band comes on and I see Macy down on the sidelines. Landon coming up here ruined the surprise.

“What the fuck?” he sits up straighter when he spots her at the fifty-yard line with a microphone in hand. “You said she was in the bathroom.”

“Ladies and gentleman, here to perform your national anthem, Ms. Macy Thomas!”

Landon is literally speechless beside me. He looks like he’s not breathing and I’m pretty sure Macy isn’t either by the shaking of the microphone. “What is she doing?”

I hand him the note Macy gave me to give to him. He reads it, smiles, and looks up.

When the opening notes begin, she looks like she’s going to vomit but then she sees Landon beside me and smiles as she begins to sing, her voice shaking during those first few notes. “Oh say can you see by the dawn’s early light…”

I’ve never heard the national anthem sang so well. I’ve never been more proud of my sister as I was right then. I also don’t think I ever screamed so loud, or heard Landon scream so loud. He was literally jumping up and down for her when it was all over.