Forever Dark(77)

“It was.” He laughs looking up at me. “I don’t know what it is about that beach that just brings us all together.”

I nod, thinking back to the memories on that beach playing tag football, boys verses girls only we were playing for kisses. The situation we’re in now is so completely different it feels like those days never existed. But I still have the memories.

It feels good to sit here with him and not feel like I want to punch him too. It feels like old times. He finally gets it. I can see it in his eyes.

“Have you seen Madison?”

I laugh. “I saw her the day after Christmas. She texted me and needed someone to talk to. It’s a strange feeling…” I whoosh out the breath I was holding, “Usually before big games, I text her and we…,” I shrug knowing he knows what I’m talking about, “get together. Sort of my stress relief.”

He gets what I’m saying because he did the same, only his relief got him into trouble.

I want more than anything to be with Madison in that way but I don’t want the departure. I want her to stay.

I know letting her back in could be bad.

But what if it’s not?

What if I can give her that forever we both deserve?





December 30, 2013

Longhorns Vs Ducks

Valero Alamo Bowl San Antonio, Texas



I always told myself, this is my last time. The last hit. Always the last.

But that last time never came.

Years went by and that last never came. Now it was here. It wasn’t easy. It’s not easy to do because the moment I’m surrounded, the moment I feel that feeling, I sink.

As I stand in the stadium at the Alamo Bowl, I want this feeling more.

I remembered back in high school before the championship game, Cash and I talked. I was there to calm him down should he need it. Only he didn’t. Cash is always one hundred percent focused.

I felt like before this bowl game, he also needed me right then.

Okay, maybe I needed him.

The coach gave us front row seats down by the Ducks’ sidelines even.

Macy and I flew into San Antonio the night before the game and stayed in a hotel not far from the stadium. We were so tired by the time we got there we both crashed pretty early.

The next morning I woke up to Macy puking in the bathroom.

“Are you okay?” I ask peeking inside the door.

She’s standing at the sink running cold water over her face and then reaches for the toothpaste and toothbrush. “Just nervous.”

Stepping inside the bathroom I rub her back. “You’re going to be fine.”

Macy’s always had stage fright. She can sing so well but she’s never sang in front of a crowd even one-tenth this large.

“Now,” she sets down the toothbrush and faces me. “Let’s get you ready to see Cash.”

My sister loves makeovers. Loves them. So I let her give me one. Curled hair, make-up, all of it. Even let her get me into a pair of skinny jeans, knee high boots and a fitted jersey with Cash’s name and number on the back. When I take a look at myself in the mirror, I don’t even know that girl anymore. I thought she was gone.

Turns out all I had to do was take that black hoodie off and comb my hair. Well, maybe not just that. It helps that I’m not all strung out and haven’t been for three weeks.

Remember when I said three weeks is when it hits you again.

I wasn’t lying.

I feel it now more than ever but I’m trying. I’m fucking trying.

Macy turns to me before she leaves to go prepare and hands me the note she wants me to give him. “Text Landon and he’ll get Cash out of the locker room for you. Then surprise him.”

“Before the game?”

“Yes. He’ll love that. He needs to know you came for him.”

She’s right. She’s absolutely right.

I text Landon when Macy disappears with the coach where he took her back to the locker room or somewhere back there where she would wait until the opening ceremony. I’m not wild about sitting by myself but I have to until she’s done.

Where are you?

Landon replies immediately. At the stadium. Want to see him before the game?

I was hoping you’d say that.

K. Meet me down by section A and I’ll get him out there.

I snuck over there and waited, fidgeting with my hair and shirt constantly. It’d been a long time since I actually curled my hair and wore make-up. I wondered if he’ll even recognize me.

Ten minutes later, Cash comes out wearing his Oregon Ducks t-shirt and a pair of warm-up pants and scratching his head. I think he was napping. One look at me and he seems confused.

“Madison… what are you doing here?” He takes in my appearance, my hair, my face, my body and then back up again. “Holy shit… you look beautiful.”