The Space Between Us(37)

"I already took three pee tests and they came back positive," I said,  quieter now. Her face softened and she leaned a little closer.

"What's your name, dear?"

"Charlie," I nearly whispered.

"Charlie, it is very uncommon to get a false positive result on a  pregnancy test. It happens, but it is rare. It is more likely to get a  false negative. The tests you took at home, they are very reliable. But I  would be happy to have our staff administer another urine test for you,  just in case you need that to feel more secure about the result."

"I really wanted a blood test."

"Sweetie, even if you were at a hospital, or an OBGYN's office, they  would still only give you a urine test. It's how we do it. I'm sorry  you're upset. Would you like us to give you a urine test?"

I looked at Reeve and she just rubbed her hand along my back, trying to  offer her support. I looked back to the receptionist and nodded. She  gave me a slight smile and then took Reeve and I back to an exam room.  She gave me a little cup that was sealed shut and gave me the  instructions. I went into the private bathroom and peed in the cup,  again, cursing modern technology for not making this whole process  easier on emotionally ravaged women just trying to learn their fate. I  washed my hands at least three times and took the cup back to the exam  room.

A few minutes later a nurse came in and greeted me with a friendly  smile. I tried to smile back, but I probably looked like I was  grimacing. She was talking about the weather, how it was getting  chillier. She took a little, tiny slip of paper and dipped it in the cup  then laid it on a paper towel. She continued to chatter about how she'd  spent her weekend. After a minute she looked back down at the paper and  then smiled at me.

"Positive."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. It's positive. You're expecting." I was not in the least expecting  this. What a shitty way to tell someone they're pregnant.

I bit my lip, trying to keep the tears at bay again. I don't know why I expected a different outcome, but I had hoped.

"But I'm on the pill. I had my period just three weeks ago. This just can't be happening."

"I can't speak about your birth control, but I can tell you it is common  for women to still menstruate even while pregnant, especially in the  early stages."

"Why don't I know this? Why doesn't anyone talk about this?" I was about  to lose it. I could feel myself breathing faster and my heart was  beating quickly.

"You're free to remain in the room as long as you need, dear. Let me  leave you with some information. Know that we are here five days a week  and you can always come talk to one of our counselors if you need to."  She handed me a few pamphlets. I sifted through them and gathered that  they were information on the choices I was faced with. Abortion?  Adoption? Parenting? There was no pamphlet for Crawling Under A Rock And  Praying This Is A Dream.                       
       
           



       

Reeve and I walked home. For someone whose life had been so drastically  altered in the last two hours, I didn't feel any different. I was tired,  but figured that was from all the crying and the vomiting. Other than  that, I couldn't tell I was currently creating a human being in my body.  That was a real crime. Mother Nature should make it painfully obvious  the instant you become pregnant. Your skin should change color or your  belly should light up. Something. Anything to give us a clear  indication. Something to help along the people, like me, who just  couldn't believe this was happening to them.

When we made it back to the house I found Asher sitting in the foyer. He  looked up when we came in and smiled. But his smile immediately turned  into a frown when he saw me.

"Are you ok? What's wrong?" I obviously wore my current mental state on  my sleeve. He held me immediately and I couldn't stop the tears that  fell against his shirt as I rested my head against his chest. Our bodies  could do amazing things: trick you into believing your birth control is  working, grow a fucking person, produce enough tears to fill a lake and  still have more left to cry.

"Why don't you guys go up to our room? I will keep everyone out of your hair," Reeve said to Asher.

"Thanks," he said and led me up the stairs to my room.





Chapter Eight

I felt his chest moving up and down. That is what woke me up. The sound  of his breath leaving and entering his lungs, the rhythmic movement of  my head bobbing up and down as he breathed, the warmth of his hands on  my back. I don't remember coming to my room with Asher and I don't  remember lying down with him, but I was curled up on his chest, our legs  intertwined with each other, his arms wrapped around my body. My eyes  fluttered open and I looked right into the slate-gray pools of metal  looking back at me.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hi," I responded, just as quiet. We looked at each other for a while. I  was sure he was wondering what happened to me and all I could think  about was what I was about to do to him. To us. Right now he was in his  purgatory. His life was still the same as it was yesterday. He was still  a nineteen-year-old guy with no real worries or responsibilities. And I  was about to ruin it.

"Wanna tell me what's going on?" He said, running one of his hands  through my hair. I took just thirty more indulgent seconds to remember  us as we are in this moment, holding each other, loving each other. I  didn't know how he was going to respond to my pregnancy, but I knew  nothing would ever be the same.

"I got sick again on the way home from your house this morning." My  voice was so quiet. I didn't have the energy to speak any louder.  Perhaps I felt like saying it loud enough for someone else to hear it  would make it more true. "Reeve and I were trying to figure out why I  was sick again. If it was something I ate or a bug. Then we both kind of  realized that both times I got sick it was in the morning." I turned my  head slightly to look at him, waiting for the realization to strike  him. Some sadistic part of me must have wanted to watch the look on his  face as his world came crashing down around him. "Reeve thought I should  take a pregnancy test."

I watched as the color slowly drained from his face. His chest stopped  moving up and down because he stopped breathing. His hands did not brush  through my hair. He understood what I said and what I hadn't said. I  felt one solitary and lonely tear trek down my cheek and I did nothing  to wipe it away. It was what it was. A symbol of how alone I felt in  that moment, still wrapped in his arms, yet so far away from him.

"Did you take one?" He finally managed.

"I took four."

"And?"

"They all came back positive."

He sat up, forcing me to move from where I was laying on him. I watched  as he slid to the edge of the bed, running one hand through his hair,  the other resting on his knee. "You're pregnant?"

"That's what everyone keeps telling me." I reached out to press my  fingers to his back, to make a connection, to feel something besides the  fear that is coursing through my veins. He stood up the moment my  fingers reach him and the contact was lost. I felt him moving away from  me.

"You've been on the pill since forever," he pointed out, as if that  would change everything I had just told him. I took a deep breath. He  hadn't had hours to take this all in as I had. He was processing  everything now and I tried to remain patient, giving him the same  opportunity I had to freak the fuck out.

"I know, Babe. It didn't work."

"Didn't work? It always works. That's its one job. To keep you from getting pregnant. Did you miss a pill or something?"                       
       
           



       

I tried really hard to keep my voice even and not let anger take over my  emotions. "No. I didn't forget to take a pill. I took them every day,  like clockwork. Every. Day."

"Then tell me how this happened?" He paced now, back and forth from my door to my window. Back and forth.

"Sometimes things just happen."

"What are you going to do about it?" He stopped pacing and was looking at me. He was still across the room.

"It? What do you mean? We haven't even spoken about what our choices are."

"You have to get rid of it."

"Stop calling it an it! It's not an it. It's a baby!" He was instantly  just an inch from my face. And even though just seconds earlier I wanted  him to be close to me, I didn't want this Asher anywhere near me. He  was angry and I could see the rage in his eyes.

"It's not a baby, Charlie. It's just a mass of cells right now. It's not  a person, or a baby, it's a thing. It's a parasite. We can't have a  baby. We're too young. We're both in school. We can't take care of a  baby. Think about it. There's only one choice."