The Space Between Us(36)

As soon as the words were out of her mouth I felt my world drop away  from me. Reeve and I were still looking at each other in the mirror and I  watched as her face moved from confused to shocked and I felt my face  go from thoughtful to scared and entirely terrified.

"No." I said as I mouthed the word around my toothbrush. "No, no, no,  no. Not possible," I said and then spit out the toothpaste mucking up my  words. "Reeve, get that look off your face. It's not possible. I can't  believe you would even say that out loud." I wiped my mouth on a towel  and walked back into our bedroom.

"Charlie, I'm sorry. But, aren't you even a little bit curious about  this? You've gotten sick two mornings in the row, but felt fine in the  afternoons. When was your last period?"

"Three weeks ago! I'm on the pill, Reeve! I'm not pregnant."

"And you haven't missed any pills lately?"

"No! I've never missed a pill. It's practically my religion. I take them every day at the same time. I'm very responsible!"

"Ok, ok. I'm sorry. You're right. You're probably not pregnant." I shot a glare at her.

"I'm not."

"Well, if you're so sure you're not, then what's the harm in taking a test?"

"I can't just go and buy a pregnancy test," I half whispered, half  yelled at her. "What if I see someone at the store? Or what if I know  the cashier?" I was admittedly starting to panic.

"I'll go and buy it for you. No big deal. Charlie, people buy pregnancy  tests all the time hoping they're positive. The cashier doesn't have to  know you're just a sophomore in college without a job, or a marriage, or  really anything at all."

"You are so not helping right now, Reeve." I walked over to my bed and put my head in my hands.

"I'm gonna go buy a test and then you'll know for sure." I heard her  moving around the room and knew she was putting clothes on to go to the  store for me. My brain nearly poured steam out of my ear trying to  comprehend what was happening. Had I forgotten a pill? No, I was sure of  it. Had I taken any antibiotics? I had heard from my doctor that  antibiotics make the birth control pill ineffective. No, I hadn't taken  any medication except the fucking pill. There was no way I was pregnant.  It was an impossibility. I took some more deep breaths and watch Reeve  continue to ready herself.                       
       
           



       

When she was all dressed she stood in front of me clutching her purse to  her side. "There's no use getting yourself all worked up over nothing.  Don't start to worry or panic until you're sure what you're dealing  with." Those were her parting words to me as she left to buy me a  freaking pregnancy test. Yeah right. Don't panic. Sure.

It might have been the longest thirty minutes of my life that passed  until Reeve returned with a small brown paper sack hidden underneath her  jacket.

"I didn't want to risk any of the sisters seeing it," she explained. I  wanted to point out that no one would be able to see through the paper  sack, but knew she was just trying to help me, so I kept my mouth shut.  She pulled three boxes out of the sack and held them out to me.

"Three kinds?"

"Yeah. I figured you wouldn't be satisfied with just one." She shrugged  her shoulders. "I wouldn't be," she added. I took the three boxes in my  hand and took a minute to study the back of each one.

"Conveniently enough, the directions are all pretty much the same," I muttered.

"You've always been really good at taking tests," she said quickly. I  gave her a puzzled look. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. This  is really intense and I just spouted whatever came out of my mouth. I  know this isn't helping. Do you want me to get you some water? Do you  think you even have enough pee to take all those tests at the same time?  Maybe I should take one too just so that we have a control test, you  know, like, one that will obviously be negative since I haven't had sex  in a millennia?" I stood up and wrapped Reeve in a tight hug.

"Thank you for rambling. I know it's dumb, but watching you lose your  mind a little made me feel better about the fact that I'm about to lose  mine." I looked down at the tests again. "What if they're positive,  Reeve? What am I going to do?"

"I don't know, Charlie. You'll have to make that decision with Asher, I suppose."

"Oh my god, Asher. I totally hadn't thought about him. Shit." I dropped my head into my hands. "This is all kinds of fucked up."

"You don't know anything yet. Go pee on some sticks. We won't know anything until you've done it."

I looked at the tests in my hands and then at the bathroom door. Was I  ready to do this? Even though I was sure there was no way for me to be  pregnant, I was so careful, it kind of seemed like none of it mattered  at that moment. I had no control over the outcome of the tests and was  totally and completely left in the hands of fate. I felt powerless and  it was an unnerving feeling. I took a deep breath and convinced myself  they would be negative. They had to be.

I took the tests into the bathroom and peed on all three sticks, which  isn't as easy as all the commercials make it seem. I left all three  tests sitting on the counter, walked back into the bedroom and sat down  at my desk. I stared at the clock, waiting for the obligatory three  minutes to pass. Both Reeve and I were stuck in some sort of purgatory  for those three minutes. I stared at a clock and she stared at me.  Frozen. I possibly had three more minutes of life the way I was used to  it. Three more minutes of being a carefree, nineteen-year-old college  student. Three more minutes to do everything in life I wanted to  accomplish before I had kids. If you think three minutes goes by  quickly, try waiting three minutes to see if your life was going to  change completely. It's agonizingly slow.

When the time had passed, I looked at Reeve from my chair. "I can't  look." She nodded at me and walked into the bathroom. She was in there  forever, it felt. When she finally came out I couldn't read anything on  her face. She could have just learned the secret of life and I wouldn't  have ever known. She walked right up to me and placed the tests on the  surface of the desk and placed a hand on my shoulder.

Two pink lines. A blue plus symbol. The word pregnant.

I was fucked. In all senses of the word: literally, figuratively, emotionally  –  fucked.

My hand came to my mouth and covered the silent sob that leaked out. In  my head, I heard myself scream so loud that windows shattered. People  came running. The cops came to investigate. In reality, I was silently  dying inside. Mouth open, eyes watering, crying but not. I turned and  found Reeve right there, wrapping her arms around me, softly running her  hand along my hair, comforting me as everything I knew about my life  was changed. We stayed like that, her arms wrapped around me as I cried,  until I felt like I could breathe normally again. I pulled away a  looked up at her.                       
       
           



       

"What am I going to do?"

"I think you should call Asher. He needs to be here for you right now."

Suddenly, telling Asher that I was pregnant seemed like the hardest  thing I could ever possibly have to do. How would I explain this to him?  How did this even happen? I wasn't ready to talk to him about it. I  turned back to my desk and started searching the internet for a clinic I  could get another test done at. I had seen them around before and I  needed someone else to confirm this for me.

"Charlie, what are you doing?"

"I need another test. A blood test. These could be wrong," I said as I  swept the three tests into the top drawer of my desk, landing right next  to a calculator and a few pens. I slammed the drawer shut.

"You think all three of those pregnancy tests are wrong?" I turned to look at her.

"I need something else, Reeve. A doctor or a nurse to tell me the  results. Please, just let me do this." She sighed loudly but didn't  argue with me any more about it.

I found a pregnancy resource center not too far from campus that opened  an hour ago. "Will you come with me?" I asked Reeve hopefully.

"Of course." I breathed a little easier knowing I wouldn't be going alone.

When we got to the clinic, nothing was going as planned.

"What do you mean you don't do blood tests?!"

"Just exactly that. We only do urine tests. They are just as accurate as  blood tests." The woman sitting behind the desk at the clinic looked  aggravated by my outburst, but also looked like she'd dealt with crazy  college students freaking out over a pregnancy before. She was calm, but  obviously wasn't going to take any crap from anyone.