The Space Between Us(39)

The pain was unreal, and it was coming and going in waves. I was in the  bathroom, bent over in pain, trying to call Reeve. When I finally got  ahold of her, I begged her to pick me up to take me to the hospital.

"Something is wrong," I cried.

"I'll be right there."

I made it to the front of the building and only had to wait a few  minutes for Reeve's car to come screeching around the corner. When I got  in, I was trying to keep the pain from my face.

"What's going on?"

"I'm just having some pains in my stomach. Can we stop at Asher's house first please?"

"Charlie, if something's wrong you need to go to the hospital."

"I need Asher." She looked at me hard for a few seconds and then pulled  away from the curb. My stomach cramped the whole drive to his house and  when Reeve parked, I had to take some deep breaths before I could get  out.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

I shook my head. "I will be right back. I just need him to come with  me." It hadn't occurred to me that he might not even be home. I hoped he  was in the house; I needed him more at that moment than I ever had  before.

I walked through the door that lead into the dining area. I gasped and  grabbed onto a table to keep myself upright as pain shot through my  abdomen. I cried out, but tried to muffle the sound, not wanting anyone  to find me crying in the middle of their house. Once the pain subsided a  bit, I walked gingerly towards the stairs. I started to climb the  stairs slowly, one step at a time, afraid that some sudden movement  would cause more pain. I made it halfway up when another bolt of pain  rocketed through me. This time though, along with the pain, came a warm  wetness between my legs. I was bleeding and the realization made me  silently cry out. I slowly continued up the stairs and eventually made  it to Asher's door.

Hot tears ran down my face, but I was still silent, wanting just to get  Asher and get out of the house. I didn't need anyone finding me like  this. Bleeding and crying in a frat house. I needed to get out of there  unnoticed. I turned his doorknob and pushed the door open slowly.

I bled.

I cried.

I lost my baby, of that I was sure.

I stared at the only boy I'd ever loved, the boy who had promised me the  world and then disappeared, laying underneath a blonde who was  straddling him. Naked.

My hand flew up to cover my mouth. One hand silenced the pain I felt  watching Asher fuck someone else, the other hand covered my belly,  trying to hold on to the last moments I had with my child.

My mind was in shock, not wanting to believe that Asher would really be  having sex with someone else. And I might not have believed it if I  couldn't see my name, the name he'd given me out of love, in bold black  ink, covering the arm that was wrapped around whoever was atop him. I  left the door open and ran as quickly as I could out to Reeve's car.  When I made it in the car, all the cries I held in came pouring out.

"Please Reeve, get me to the hospital." She peeled out of her parking spot and drove down the street.

"What happened up there?" Reeve looked panicked as she sped down the street. "Charlie, talk to me. What's going on?"

"I'm losing the baby, Reeve. I can feel it. I'm bleeding and I'm losing  the baby." More sobs came from me, but I couldn't stifle them back,  couldn't hold them in. My hands were occupied, cradling my stomach, the  pain overwhelming. "Asher was in his room with some girl."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, he was fucking someone else while I sat there bleeding in his  doorway." Reeve was silent. I didn't really expect her to have anything  to say. What was there to say? "I don't want to talk about it. Just get  me to the hospital."

Once we got to the ER it was a complete whirlwind. The nurse at the  admin desk saw me, saw the blood between my legs, and ushered me back to  a triage room immediately. She tried to argue with Reeve that she  couldn't come and Reeve promptly put her in her place. I managed to  convince the nurse to let her stay with me, confiding in her that I had  no one else.                       
       
           



       

I was given a gown and when I changed, I cringed at the amount of blood that I had actually lost.

"Oh my god, Charlie," Reeve said from her chair. I tried not to look,  but it was impossible. Most of my pants were soaked with blood. After  getting the gown on and climbing on the exam table, I could still feel  more blood emptying out of me. The cramping was getting worse and it was  all I could do to hold my stomach until the doctor came in.

A woman with dark hair entered the room pushing a machine. She looked me  over, her face not showing any emotion, and introduced herself.

"I'm Dr. Lance. You're Charlie?"

"Yes. That's me," I squeaked.

"How many weeks pregnant are you?" She asked while she started fiddling with the machine she'd brought in with her.

"I don't know exactly. I haven't had my first pre-natal visit yet. My  last period was five weeks ago." The doctor nodded and moved closer to  me and the exam table.

"Ok, Charlie, I am going to do an ultrasound on your stomach to try and see what we're dealing with, ok?"

I nodded my head, unable to use my voice in that moment. I was already  positive about what was happening. Dr. Lance squirted some gel on my  stomach and then took something from the machine that looked like a  remote control, placed it on the gel, and moved it around. I looked up  at the screen and it looked like a TV without a signal  –  black, with  little, white snow. Finally, there seemed to be a bigger black area on  the screen and the doctor stopped moving the wand around.

"Ok, here's your uterus, Charlie." Time stood still. I silently prayed  to hear good news. I begged someone, somewhere, to hear me and to save  my baby.

"Do you see these two circular looking areas?" She said as she pointed to two small round objects on the screen.

"Yes," I managed.

"Those are the babies. You look to be about ten weeks along. But, I'm sorry, Charlie. Neither one has a heartbeat."

"Babies?" I cried.

"Twins."

"And they're gone?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Oh my god," I cried. I rolled over onto my side, caring nothing about  the doctor or her examination, and gave in to the wave of grief that  washed over me. I felt arms wrap around me and I heard Reeve's voice in  my ear, whispering apologies and comforting words I didn't understand.

Even though I knew what was happening before we entered the exam room,  hearing the words, being told that I lost not one but two babies, broke  me. For just a moment I wanted to die with them. I wasn't sure I had  anything left to continue on for in this life. I pictured Asher's hand  on the small of that girl's back, him enjoying another woman, while I  was losing my babies. I couldn't possibly imagine walking out of that  hospital and having anything to go back to.

Would I be able to hold my babies in the afterlife? Would they be the  chubby-cheeked, smiling angels I pictured them to be? Could I hold them  close to me and breathe in their baby smell? Could I sing to them the  same songs I remember my mother singing to me? Could I see my mother  again? Would she be waiting for me, my two angel babies in her arms?  Perhaps, we could all be together again. Maybe.

My thoughts were interrupted by Reeve's voice.

"Charlie, you need to come back to us."

The only thing that kept me tethered to this world was the fear that  death would only bring nothingness. The pain I felt made everything  real. The babies were real. The agony of remembering them would be  better than not having anything at all to cling to.

"Charlie, please, look at me."

I finally rolled back over to look at Reeve who was also crying. The  doctor still stood next to the exam table, a concerned yet professional  look on her face.

"Why … " I choked on the words. "Why would this happen?" I asked the doctor.

"Healthy women miscarry babies more often than you'd think. It's a sad  yet true fact. Sometimes the pregnancies just don't take or there is  something wrong with the babies that we just can't see at this early  stage. There is no indication that women who experience a miscarriage  can't go on to have full-term, healthy pregnancies later in life. I'm  sorry."

"But what was wrong with this pregnancy?" I asked again, desperate for answers, desperate for a reason. "Why my babies?"

"There's no real way to know, Charlie. Miscarriages, especially in the  first trimester, are common, unfortunately. But listen to me when I say  this. There is nothing you could have done to prevent this from  happening. This was not because you did something wrong. This just  happens and I can't give you a reason, medically."