The First Last Boy(34)

The bedroom door opened and light from the hallway slanted across the bed. Tana hovered in the doorway. "Ryan? Are you awake?"

I eased up onto one elbow. "What do you want?"

She came into the room. "I'm sorry for what I said in the kitchen. I  know that you'd never do anything to hurt any of us." The bed dipped  when she sat beside me.

I lay back down and linked my fingers behind my head to stare up at the  ceiling. I sucked in a breath when she put her hand on my bare chest.

"You've pulled away from me ever since-"

I didn't want to look at her, didn't want to have to fight the tug-of-war going on inside of me. "It's better this way."

"It feels like everything is changing and I'm losing my best friend and  I'm scared." She leaned closer, so close that the warmth of her breath  fanned across the side of my face. "I need you to hold me. I need you. I  know it makes me sound weak and pathetic and...don't make me beg for  the comfort of being held."

Like they had a will of their own, my arms lowered and wrapped around  Tana. One second we were staring at each other in the dim light shed by  the open door and the next, she was lying across me and we were kissing.  I was a thief taking comfort and pleasure from someone I had no right  to touch. But Tana Shaw was the one addiction I'd always crave. I'd have  to die to stop wanting her, to stop needing her.

She roamed my body with her hands and I didn't have the will to push her  away. Not this time. One more time, I promised myself. One final time.  Her hands were eager on me, searing my flesh, laying claim to skin she  didn't know she already owned. She kissed the side of my neck, the width  of my shoulders and trailed kisses down the center of my chest. Dipping  lower and lower until she put her mouth on the waistband of my boxers.         

     



 

"Tana-"

"I want you this way, but you'll have to teach me." Her hands dipped  into my boxers, lowering them and she reached in to cup my raging  erection. She dipped her face down and ran her tongue along the side of  me, stopping at the head to gently suck on the side of it.

Oh shit.

"Like this?" She pulled me into her mouth and I almost pulled a charley  horse in my thigh because my muscles clenched so hard. When her hand  squeezed my balls, I couldn't form a coherent word. I could only take a  few seconds of her giving me pleasure before I had to stop her. I  grabbed her arms and hauled her up the length of my body, shifting and  rolling her over until we were side by side. I wanted to tell her that I  loved her, that I always would, but it would only make the inevitable  parting harder. Instead of words, I used my lips and my hands to show  her what I'd never be able to say.

There was a difference this time than the first time we'd been together.  A bittersweetness that made my throat burn. I kissed Tana softly, then  slowly eased her out of her clothes. She helped remove mine and then she  was beneath me, opening up her legs, letting me in, her smile shy and  trusting.

I was hers.

She was mine.

For tonight.

I plunged into her, rocking her body, gently loving her with everything  that I was. Tears leaked from the sides of her eyes and I kissed her as I  kept moving. "Don't cry, baby."

"I'm not sad. It's just..."

I couldn't let her say the words I knew were on the tip of her tongue.  She would shatter me if I heard them. I'd never known love and I'd  craved it all my young life. Now here it was, in the most beautiful,  purest form waiting for me and I couldn't take it. "Shh..." I eased out  almost all the way and then back in, increasing the tempo until Tana  breathlessly begged me. I worshipped every inch of her skin with my  lips, my hands, and my body until she clutched at my shoulders, raked  her nails across my back and called my name.

Then I let go, freefalling from the darkness into beautiful Tana. My  heartbeat. She shuddered beneath me and sobbed out that she loved me.  She kept her eyes squeezed shut, probably thinking she would see  rejection in my eyes. But had she been looking, she would have seen the  heartbreak in them instead.

Tana slept in the crook of my arm and I held on as tightly as I could  without hurting her. I watched her peaceful slumber for hours while  wishing I had the power to stop the new day from dawning. Her breathing  was slow and even, her lips slightly swollen from mine. I gently  smoothed the hair from the side of her face. She didn't stir.

"I love you, Tana Shaw. You will always own me," I whispered as dawn broke. Exhaustion crept in and I finally slept.





Chapter Twenty-Two

TANA



I woke up alone in the bed with the memories of last night to keep me  company. It had been different with him. The first time had been as wild  and intense as attending a rock concert. This time was like a long,  slow love ballad. I eased over and felt along the floor for my pajamas,  dressing quickly.

My body was satiated, my heart full. There was no longer any denying  that I loved Ryan and I wasn't going to lie to myself about it anymore. I  wandered into the kitchen. There was a note on the table and I  recognized Ryan's handwriting. Left the Charger so you could get to the  hospital. The keys were beside the note. After I reread the words, I  felt a little deflated, then I immediately chastised myself.

Ryan didn't owe me anything. He'd never promised me anything. I was the  one who'd thrown myself at him. I was the one who'd broken his rule by  falling in love with him. I set about getting some breakfast together  and Mark appeared, yawning and rubbing his head.

"I can make oatmeal," I said.

When he hesitated, I added, "It's the microwave kind with fruit."

"Okay." He poured himself some juice and sat down. "Did Ryan leave?"

"He did."

"I wanted to give him these." Mark set a miniature collection of superhero figures on the table.

"You can give them to him when you see him tonight."

"But I wanted him to have them before the fight."

Trying to keep a casual tone, hoping Mark knew more than he'd said, I asked "What fight is that?"

"The one he's fighting for you."

I dropped the box of oatmeal and bent to retrieve it. "Why is Ryan  fighting for me?" A myriad of different reasons ran through my mind but  none of them made any sense.

"For money."

"Did you tell you this?"

Mark shook his head. "I heard him talking to Juvante on the phone this morning."         

     



 

"I want to talk to him." I picked up my phone and Mark waved his hand. "Stop! You can't call. You'll wreck his concentration."

"Tell me what you know, Mark."

"I know I'm hungry."

I took a bowl from the cabinet, set it on the counter and stuck some water in the microwave to heat. "Now tell me."

"He makes money to give to you if he fights."







RYAN



Juvante and I waited in his car until others arrived. We were in the  lower level of a parking garage in the heart of Michigan. Construction  equipment lined the outside of the garage waiting to be set to use. The  garage was being redone so the employees of the financial building  across the street had to park elsewhere. This gave us the space we  needed. We'd be long gone before they even showed up for work anyway.

As a group of guys and a few of their girlfriends exited their cars, Juvante and I joined them.

"Ryan, man, never thought I'd see the day," a guy I knew as Eddy greeted.

I nodded at him and Juvante slung his arm across my shoulder. "I watched  an old fight someone videotaped of Bobby. He likes the left. Retreats,  then he goes for a kidney punch."

I wiped my nose with the back of my hand, feeling the adrenaline start  to flow. We didn't have to wait long for a circle of people to form. The  referee, a slender guy in a backward ball cap walked into the center  area and started pointing out the obvious. "Watch the columns. Keep it  clean."

Bobby and I shook hands, then I walked to my side and he did the same.  The sea of people pressed together, making a human boxing ring. If I had  to guess, I'd say there was at least forty guys. The referee called out  our first names and fight records, then stepped back and clapped his  hands.

I knew this one would be easy. Bobby had a few more pounds on me, but he  wasn't good with follow through. He wasn't from the streets and thought  about his moves too long before he acted. That always cost him. There  was no time to think in the fight. You hit or you got hit. Pretty damn  simple.

Bobby danced forward, shifting his feet quickly and threw out a round of  air jabs. I dodged his hands and slid close to land a hard blow to his  abdomen, putting my weight behind it, making it count.

He grunted and winced and immediately dodged to the left. Not giving him  any respite, my next jab caught his ribs. He grunted again and with his  arms up, fists locked at his face, he surged forward and landed a blow  on the side of my arm. Just what I was waiting for. While he had his arm  out, he'd left an opening. I snaked my hand in and landed a blow to the  side of his jaw. He staggered backward, his teeth slamming together in a  hard snap.