Soldier at the Door(17)

“The High General challenging the Administrators?” he asked as if to make sure he heard her correctly.

“You defied them all by going in to the forest again!”

“That was different! Mahrree, this . . . this—I can’t think of a worse idea! Do you know of anyone who deliberately had more than two children? I mean besides the occasional twins or triplets?”

“No, not really. But I think that’s because no one has tried—”

“No, it is not,” Perrin said darkly. “Many have tried. I don’t know about this village, but I’ve seen the families from other villages who’ve attempted it.”

A smile began to grow on Mahrree’s face. “So it’s possible?!”

“No! It’s not!” Perrin repeated in a panicked whisper. “Physically, maybe yes. But in no other way!”

He sighed and sat down in front of her.

“When I was in Command School, I served for a time in the King Oren’s courts building, as all future officers did. I saw several families come in with two children and a mother large with expecting. Mahrree, they were broken apart.” His voice became husky as he saw the tears building in her eyes. “A court would evaluate the parents, always find them unfit to care for so many, and disband them. The father would be incarcerated for not ensuring his wife took The Drink—”

Mahrree’s chin began to quiver.

Perrin tenderly tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. “The mother would be sent to a building which houses the mentally ill because she was unfit to care for any children. And their children—”

Tears were already streaking down Mahrree’s face.

“—the children and the new baby would be given to different sets of parents, people who found themselves unable to have babies. The Administrators merely took the kings’ Office of Family and put Dr. Brisack over it. Nothing there has changed.”

Mahrree shook her head in anguished grief. “The Roons claimed as their own a four-year-old only a few weeks ago,” she whispered. “The little girl said her family travelled to Idumea, then they disappeared.” She closed her eyes and sighed. “Saysha was told the girl’s parents and younger brother were taken by Guarders. Guarder snatched. Oh Perrin, they weren’t, were they? Her mother may have been expecting again!”

He smoothed her hair. “Don’t tell Saysha your suspicions,” he warned her softly. “Just let her enjoy becoming a mother. That’s all that can be done now.” He kissed her cheek. “Do you understand why we can’t risk this? Even if my father merely mentions your idea we might be under suspicion. Our babies could still be taken. I love our children, too. Let’s be grateful we have them, and desire no more than we should.”

“Oh, I wish I could, but I can’t! Because I . . .” She faltered as she sobbed. She’d had it all figured out, too. It could have worked. It could have . . .

But now?

“Because you what?” he asked quietly.

“Because I dream!” she burst out. “I dreamed the night we were engaged, and the night Jaytsy was born and again when Peto was born, and a few other times, too—Perrin, it sounds crazy, I know, but I was sitting with children all around me. And there was a huge house, with weathered gray wood, and window boxes and herb plants growing in them. We needed something so large for all the family. And there were mountains. And the children were ours. Lots of them. Over a dozen, I think. And I was so happy!”

Perrin’s face showed no new emotion. “Mahrree, a dream’s simply a dream. The coincidence that it came on significant nights for you is, is, is . . . just a coincidence.”

Mahrree was stunned that he didn’t seemed moved by her revelation. In fact, he seemed to think nothing of it at all, and that bothered her intensely. It’d been so important to her, so comforting, so exciting, so glorious—

So nothing to him.

“Are you sure it’s not a gift from the Creator?” she tried again. Maybe it was the captain that was in charge of his mind right now, not her husband. She had to find her Perrin again. “Are you sure a coincidence isn’t really a miracle? In The Writings there are accounts of people having dreams that came true.”

He sighed. “Mahrree, I don’t think it happens anymore. I like to believe they did, but now . . . have you heard of anyone recently dreaming, I mean, dreams with meaning?”

“Oh Perrin, people don’t share such dreams lightly. It took me more than two years to dare tell it to you.”

Perrin sighed again. “Tell me more about it. What else is there? Any landmarks, any activity?”