Soldier at the Door(13)

“I never dared before,” she admitted, “But now I must. When I was a teacher, parenting a child or two seemed such a great burden. But now that I’m a mother I see what an adventure it is. My view of the whole world has changed in only one short year. But Perrin, why does the adventure have to be so restricted?”

He sat up and eyed her sternly. “For the good of the community! You know that. Do you need a history lesson? I feel like I’ve been giving those a lot lately,” he added in an odd mumble to himself.

“No, I don’t!” she snapped.

“Mahrree,” he said firmly, “you know The Drink’s far better than what the kings used to do to women who kept having babies. Besides,” his tone turned matter-of-fact, “we’ll run out of space if people have too many children, and women’s bodies can’t birth more than two children without permanent damage. The Administrator of Family Life’s studies proved that. Notices were everywhere.”

“Yes,” Mahrree said with a dangerous gleam in her eye, “Dr. Brisack did that, correct? Quite convenient, don’t you think, that a study verifies the very practice they’ve already engaged in for the past fifty years?”

Perrin stared at her, recognizing her debating voice. They fell in love debating each other over two years ago in public, but his expression hinted he knew he wasn’t about to enjoy what was coming. “What is this all about?”

“I find it very difficult to believe that Brisack’s study verifying that women can only safely birth two children was completely unbiased and objective,” she announced.

“Mahrree,” Perrin sighed, “as Administrators go, if we were forced to have one over for dinner, he’d be my first pick. He’s actually a very decent man.”

“And you could cook that dinner yourself,” she declared. “The very decent Administrator of Family Life is perpetuating a very convenient lie.”

“You’re accusing the Administrators of lying?” His eyebrows rose. “Are you sure you’re not still experiencing the lingering effects of birthing? The Commander of Edge can’t have a wife speaking traitorously,” he said, only half in jest.

Mahrree sighed. She had to tell him everything she was thinking. She was quite confident how he would react, but she couldn’t keep quiet. That was what he loved about her, wasn’t it? Her passion about speaking her mind? Her ability to think of things in new ways? That she cared for no one’s opinion but the Creator’s? That’s what he told her at their wedding two years ago. Tonight it was time to see if it was still true.

Besides . . .

“You’ve admitted yourself that the Administrators aren’t always forthcoming,” she reminded him. “You’ve shown me enough of your father’s messages about the ‘color of the sky.’ And it’s not traitorous talk. It’s just . . . well, have we really evaluated all our options? There must be more places for us to settle! I mean, there’s so much land, yet the Administrators limit us to only this region. Why not go west to where the ruins are? We can build around them. Every report that comes back says they’re poisoned, but I simply can’t believe that. Terryp didn’t go crazy from poison 138 years ago—he went crazy with eagerness! And there are no more people there simply because their time is over. Their Test was finished! They didn’t die because of poisonous ground or air. It doesn’t make sense. If they died, then where are their bodies? Shouldn’t there be some kind of bones or remains?”

Perrin just stared at her, absently running a finger up and down his son’s tiny arm.

Mahrree wasn’t sure what she saw in his eyes. She knew her words were disloyal, but if she couldn’t trust her husband with her thoughts—

She took advantage of his stunned silence and plowed on.

“And the mountains, what’s on the other side? No one’s tried to find out. I’ll admit I’m not sure how to traverse that boulder field—could take a few days, I imagine—and getting up and over the mountains would undoubtedly be difficult, but you told me yourself a few weeks ago that going through the forest wasn’t what you expected, and was actually comforting. What if the boulder field is the same way? And the mountains? We don’t know because we’ve never tried! The only thing in our way is the Guarders! And Perrin, what if you eliminated every last Guarder above Edge? If any survived, maybe they’re gone, or frightened of you. Can’t we try to take advantage of your success?”

Perrin continued to stare, seemingly absorbing only half of what she was saying. His voice was quiet and low when he finally spoke.