Soldier at the Door(16)
“Has anyone ever encountered an armed woman or child?” she pressed.
Perrin paused. “No,” he said slowly. “Just the rumor.”
Mahrree was unimpressed. “Rumor. Since when do you believe in rumors?”
His eyes flared, and she realized she’d nudged awake the captain again. “Rumor, Mrs. Shin,” he said in a low voice, “was how we knew the Guarders were becoming active again. You might even say rumor is also how I found out about you being marked last season.”
Mahrree scrunched up her mouth, realizing she was losing that debate. So she shifted it.
“Then I suppose you should also believe the rumor that Guarder women can have up to fifteen babies. So, with birth rates like that, might there not be more Guarders? Maybe even tens of thousands?”
“Surviving in the wilderness?” Perrin challenged back.
“Why not? Didn’t our ancestors live in a kind of wilderness at first and have many children?”
Perrin shook his head to clear out the fog. “Mahrree, what’s your point?”
“That the Creator made us capable of having more children!” she nearly exploded. “In order to have reached over one million people in six generations, families were much larger. No one remembers, or even thinks about it, because all the family line records were destroyed. That fire can’t have been an accident. King Querul the First did it on purpose, so generations later no one would remember!”
He stared at her with what she thought might have been fear. But having never seen fear before in him, she didn’t know how to interpret the look that tried to penetrate her mind.
“Perrin, if we remembered—had any records left—as to how many children our ancestors had, we would know we could bear more children. Our bodies haven’t changed in merely one hundred twenty years to produce only two children safely. The Office of Family is wrong! Can’t you see?” she pleaded.
If she wasn’t holding her newborn she would have gripped his shoulders and shook him.
“It’s a lie, Perrin! A lie started by the kings and continued by the Administrators. I don’t know why they want to keep the population down and refuse to let us explore, but they’re doing it on purpose! I’ve searched The Writings and I can’t find anywhere that the Creator said, ‘And when this people has reached one million, cease to multiply!’ We are only replacing now. And many couples aren’t even doing that. But we can! My body can do this!”
“Mahrree, Mahrree!” he whispered urgently. “You’ve got to stop! You don’t know what you’re saying—what you’re imagining. Yes, there are questions about the loss of family lines, but we can’t deal with that now. We just have to live with it.”
He wasn’t holding a baby, so he did grip her shoulders and shake her gently.
“Everything you’re saying—you must realize—is traitorous! Wanting to go against the edicts of the Administrators?! Please, Mahrree, if you love your family, just stop. Remember, the Administrators don’t hold much to The Writings. I’ve heard Nicko Mal say that those who are believers have ceased being thinkers.”
That was the wrong thing to say.
Perrin’s face immediately registered his mistake as Mahrree began to fume.
“That has to be the most illogical, stupid thing I’ve ever heard! We believe because we think! We choose to believe, which indicates a great deal of thought went into the decision! What, if Mal believes he has a mind, does that mean he no longer thinks with it?! Obviously!”
She never was skilled at holding her tongue. Not even with her fingers.
But she had to shake off the narrow-mindedness of Nicko Mal to get back to her point. “But they’ve told us we can still believe! And is not continuing to multiply against our beliefs? Couldn’t we argue that we must follow our hearts?” she implored. “Besides, my mother had only one, and so did your mother. They could’ve had two. Think about this: what if we have the two they didn’t?”
His eyes nearly popped out.
“Now you want four children?!” he screamed in a whisper and looked around quickly. It would have been much safer to have the conversation in the house.
In a closet.
Under a blanket.
Into a pillow.
“Woman, what is with you tonight?!”
“But couldn’t we make that argument?” she pushed. “That we want to have the children our mothers had a right to, but didn’t? With your father’s connections, couldn’t he get us permission from the Administrator of Family Life—”
He shook his head violently as if that would change the view he saw of his wife. It didn’t.