I DROPPED THE WATCH. THE sound of it hitting the top of the dresser reverberates in my head as a pulsating, throbbing pain begins in my temples. I can’t speak and can barely think.
“Candace, what’s going on? You look sick.” He walks over and bends down, picking up the puzzle pieces. It seems as if everything is happening in slow motion, almost as if I’m on the outside looking in at this unbelievable sequence of shocking events. Watching him grasp the pieces of his promises to Dawn, I begin to tremble. The words of her manuscript start to pillage my thoughts, so many that I can’t absorb them all at once. The confusion on his face is devastating. This terrible realization of how the parallel of our lives changes everything for us rains down upon me. It’s as if freezing, ice cold rain is piercing me like daggers in the middle of winter.
“I have to go.” My voice is shaky and the fact that I’m naked doesn’t even begin to represent how exposed I feel. Even though I didn’t know who he was until just now, I feel an extreme amount of guilt. The pain and sorrow in Dawn’s book penetrates my shell and pricks at my soul. The man I’ve been falling for is the love of her life. Heartaches and the life crushing tragedy of losing a child was shared by these two people. Dawn and Brisban were broken together. They needed to heal together. I can see the hurt on his face as he looks down at the pieces of his love for her.
I don’t belong here.
Not only do I not belong in his home but I don’t belong between them and the possibility of their reconciliation. He’s obviously been lost since they divorced. Finding me on that website was just a band aid for the absence of her. I start scrambling for my coat and pull it on hurriedly. My regret for not wearing clothes is at an all new level.
“Why? What’s happening here? And what does my watch have to do with it? Or these?” he holds up his hand, opening it. The puzzle pieces rest in his palm and my eyes fill with tears. A knot in the pit of my stomach twists and my mouth feels like I’ve been chewing on cotton balls. I start to respond but I can’t. If I try to talk I’m just going to sob. The buttons on the coat are being difficult, or my hands are, but either way I can’t get them all fastened as quickly as I’d like.
“Candace, please!” His voice is raised. I look up at him and can feel my chin quivering. Closing the space between us he places his hands on my shoulders and lowers his head so we are face to face. “What the hell is going on? Talk to me, dammit. You’re scaring the hell out of me.”
I shake my head back and forth. “I…I can’t do this anymore.” Tears fall down my face. A dark line forms between his eyes as he frowns, the confusion painted plainly on his face. “I’m sorry. I…I…have to go.” His confusion fades into fear then sadness. He’s so easy to read. Brisban always wears his emotions for all to see.
“I don’t understand. I need to understand. Please tell me what this is all about.” He’s pleading with me and I don’t have the heart to tell him. He will feel so violated knowing I know every intimate detail of his life with Dawn and their daughter. He reaches out and cups my chin with his warm hand. “You have no reason to be scared of me. Whatever it is, just tell me.” His beautiful eyes trace my face. The tiny creases at the edges grow deeper as his confusion heightens.
“Brisban,” I start. “It’s so complicated.” I pause, trying to formulate some kind, any kind, of response that will pacify the situation in this moment. “I just…it’s—”
He’s searching my eyes for answers. Before I can continue the doorbell rings.
“Dammit.” He looks toward the stairway and drops his hands to his sides.
“It’s okay. I really do need to go. Can I please just call you later?” I hope he can hear the pleading in my voice. I need him to let me go. I need to think.
“Whoever it is will go away. I’m not answering the door. And if you think I’m letting you walk out of here in the state you’re in, you’re mistaken. Something is seriously wrong and I’m not letting it go. Wasn’t I clear with you tonight? I care for you, Candace. Do you understand?” He runs his hand through his hair and shakes his head back and forth. “I feel like if you walk out the door right now that I’m losing you forever. I don’t know why, but that’s what this feels like. And I’m not losing you when I’ve only just found you.”
The doorbell chimes over and over again. Whoever it is isn’t going away.
Oh God, I hope it isn’t James. I can’t deal with him right now.