I give her a half smile. “Okay, I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll put on some hot tea. I’m sure you’re freezing after getting drenched.”
I go inside the bathroom and take off the damned trench coat. It crumples to the floor at my feet. I almost feel like stomping on it; looking at it represents my naive stupidity. Who do I think I am, anyway? For the love of God, what was I ever thinking? I pull on the pink sweat pants and cinch the drawstring before tying it. The shirt she left me is far from normal. It has rapper Lil Wayne’s mug shot and says Free Weezy. I shake my head and put it on anyway. Never did I think I’d see the day I wore a mug shot on my chest. I turn toward the mirror and see how terrible look. She’s right—I look like hell. I sigh and tuck the damp strands of hair behind my ears and pick up the coat. The smell of tea brewing fills the air and when I get back in the living room Janette is sitting Indian style on the sofa waiting for me.
“Okay, come and sit. Tell me what happened.”
I drop down onto the sofa next to her. I don’t even know where to begin.
“You’re never going to believe everything that happened tonight. It was bad… then bad again… then wonderful and amazing, then tragic. Just thinking about it exhausts me.” I lean my head back and turn toward her. “Everything is so messed up. I went to his condo and James showed up—he followed me and then—”
“What? He did fucking what?” Janette said, interrupting me. “Oh hell. Please tell me he didn’t ruin things with Mister Sex-on-a-Stick.”
I close my eyes and sigh. “I wish that was all that happened.”
“What then? Spit it out. You’re killing me here.”
I sit upright and look at her, trying not to cry because that’s all I feel like doing.
“James left. It wasn’t that huge of a deal. Brisban and I had an intense night—the sex was incredible, as always, but tonight things changed and then changed some more. He gave me a key to his place and told me he has feelings for me. From there things went from amazing and confusing to a disaster.”
The tea pot whistled loudly, and she hops up. “Just a minute. Hold that thought.” Soon she returns with two cups of tea and I start again. I give her all the awful details. Her face goes from shock to sadness to more shock. Even Janette is rendered speechless by my tale which sounds more like fiction rather than real life.
“I know. It’s a lot to take in. I’m still reeling. That’s why I didn’t want to go home and be alone. I’d never be able to sleep anyway.”
Janette reaches out with both arms. “Come here.” I lean into her, needing the hug my best friend was offering. “I’m so sorry, hun. This sucks major ass.”
I sniffle and literally cry on her shoulder. “I know. It’s so fucked up, Jan. I don’t know what to do.”
She leans back and looks at me. “You do what you feel is right. Not what you think is right, but what you feel.”
“I don’t know what I feel. That’s the problem.”
She gives me her all-knowing glare and tilts her head to the side. “I think you do. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself. You care for him, I know it. It’s written all over you.”
I stare into my lap, rolling the string of the sweatpants back and forth between my fingers.
“It doesn’t matter if I care for him. Things are way too complicated now.”
She picks up her tea cup and blows on it slowly before saying anything else. “That’s bullshit and you know it. You didn’t know. How could you have known? And, so what…you know his story with his wife.” She takes a sip and sets her drink back down. “You would’ve found out anyway if you two stayed together. Eventually he would’ve told you. I don’t think this is as major as you think it is.”
“Then why does it feel that way?”
“Here.” She hands me my tea. “Drink some of this and warm up. And that’s easy. You’re in shock over everything, which is completely understandable. Once things have time to process for each of you I’m sure you can talk things out.”
“I don’t know. He has so much to deal with now, especially with this development about their daughter. I mean…what if this could bring them back together? I have no right to stand in the way of that.”
Janette puts her hand to her forehead. “God, you are such a fucking saint. Stop thinking about everyone else for once. I love you to pieces but, my gosh, you have to think about you right now. Of course you aren’t going to get in between them and what they are dealing with. But you can’t sit around and dream up ideas about things you know nothing about. Have you even read the entire story? Do you even know how things ultimately ended with them?”