Razorblade Kisses(91)

“What’s wrong?”

“That, my dear, is the worst coffee I’ve had in my entire life.” Tim wiped his mouth off on his arm. “Shit. You drink that?”

“Yes, it’s fine.” She pouted.

“Emma, that’s putrid. You must have a stomach made of lead to drink that.”

She took a sip of hers. “It’s fine,” she repeated.

Tim grabbed her travel mug and took a sip. His face registered disgust. “You just can’t tell because you have a half bottle of cream in there.”

“You’re a coffee snob.”

“Um, no, I’m not. You just don’t know how to make it properly.”

“Whatever, asshole,” she muttered, looking around. “It’s pretty out here.”

“This is my favorite place in the entire world. I come out here to think, to be by myself, to get away from everything.” He took her hand and led her into the building. “My buddies and I used to come out here and have bonfires and drink beer when we weren’t supposed to. Eventually, I made my grandfather help me bring these bunk beds out for when we were hunting or too drunk to drive.”

The building was one big room. There was a small kitchen in the far left corner with a table for six people nestled near it. That area was separated by three La-Z-Boy recliners and a gigantic television. The three bunk beds lined the wall at the far right, with a door at the back wall.

“Cool,” she said and she meant it. It looked like a pretty simple place to hang without parents when he was younger. “Do your grandparents come out here a lot?”

“Here?” He shook his head. “Meme wouldn’t be caught dead out here.” He shrugged. “Let’s walk around a bit and you can tell me all about yourself and growing up.” His tone was casual, but Emery knew this was planned. He wanted to see if she was going to open up to him. He needed her to. This was either the beginning or the end, and the decision was up to her.

Emery looked up at him, trying to come up with a way to dodge this conversation. “I’m starving. Can we eat first?”

He smiled. “Of course. Let’s take the truck down to the river. We can eat there.”

As they drove deeper into the trees, the greens got richer and the woods more dense. They came to a clearing with a couple of grills, tables, and what looked like a shell of a garage. She could also see the edge of a river from the truck. Tim swung the truck around, putting the bed toward the water. He turned on the radio and pulled out what they’d packed for breakfast.

“We’ll eat on the tailgate.” He motioned for her to grab a blanket behind the seat.

Emery followed him and spread the blanket out on the bed of the truck, then hopped up on the tailgate, kicking her legs a bit. Tim set out bagels, fruit, and cream cheese. They prepared their bagels and Emery sipped her coffee.

“I missed you this week,” she admitted.

He looked up from his bagel. “Busy with work and trying to figure out if I can walk away from you.”

Shocked from his admission, her mouth fell open.

“What, Emma? You basically told me to fuck off, but in a really nice way.”

She shook her head. “I didn’t…I just…”

“Listen, I’m not stupid. I know something has happened to you. I know you ran from whatever it is. I know it has to do with your mom. I know that you refuse to tell me anything about that time in your life and I just needed some time to see what I would do with that.”

Hearing his words made Emery lose her appetite and she sat the bagel on her paper plate. She was acutely aware that she would lose Tim, but there was hope in her heart somewhere that maybe she’d be able to keep him. Or come back to him. Or… Hope. There’s that word again that makes life more excruciating.

“What did you decide?” she asked in barely a whisper, needing but not wanting to know.

Tim finished chewing and stared into the water. After a few seconds, his eyes locked on hers. “I don’t know, Emma. I don’t like lies and I’m not sure I can be with someone who won’t share everything with me, but there’s a part of me that knows you. I mean, really knows you. The part that you want to hide from everyone, the part that makes me understand that you wouldn’t just lie to be cruel, that there’s some deep-seeded reason behind your lies. The part of you that makes yourself look at your scars first thing every morning, so that you don’t forget. The part of you that emerges when I’m inside you. I know it’s real and we’re real and I just don’t want to let that part go.”

A choking noise escaped her lips as she stared into his eyes and he stripped her bare. He looked at her and saw Emery, not Emma. He saw the hurt shell of a girl.