Never Been Nerdy(70)

I swear Kal’s giving me the stink eye, making sure I stay on my side of the couch. It’s like he knows I’m no good, and he’s tolerating my presence being even this close to his master, but he sure doesn’t like it.

I can’t concentrate on the movie. Han Solo and Luke Skywalker are just another face, and my thoughts are in turmoil. I keep staring down at my phone, now nestled in my hand, wishing and hoping Sera would call me, text me, teleport me into her presence so she can swear at me and excommunicate me from her friendship circle.

I deserve it, I know I do, but there’s a tiny, niggling part of me that thinks I can somehow turn this around, that I can somehow make this alright.

Maybe I should just call her up and warn her about what Hunter’s going to do. About what he’s going to ask her. Maybe then she’ll have to really think about it and get herself ready for the proper answer she wants to give.

I nearly jump out of my skin when the call display shows her smooshed face against the window, and stare down at my phone for a few heartbeats. Should I answer? What if she yells at me, screams and cries? What if she says all the truthful hurt-filled words right back at me?

Swallowing, and looking away from Dean, I put my hand on Potter’s back and feel myself calmed by his doggy breathing pattern. Shit, I really do need to buy a dog of my own.

“Hello?”

“Katie?” Sera’s voice is pinched and quiet and my heart starts running the hundred-meter dash.

“Yeah?” It takes me three tries to get my voice working right.

“I’m… I’m engaged.”

“Yeah?” I hope I put enough surprise into that. Then again, maybe not.

“Yeah… I’m… I’m a bit of a wreck right now. And I had no one else to call.”

Well, motherfucking shit, that slices me deep.

Well, what did you expect? Confetti?

“I’m glad you called,” I say, but I don’t sound perky at all. I sound like I’m waiting for the bomb to go off and I don’t know which direction to run.

“Congratulations, Delos. I’m so happy for you.”

“Are you? Are you really happy for me?”

I squeeze my eyes shut, until all the blackness fades away, and fireworks start dancing behind my closed eyelids. “Yeah, Sera. I’m very happy for you. You deserve to be happy. You know that, right?”

Her breath hitches, and I hear murmuring in the background. Maybe Hunter’s crying, too.

“I don’t know anymore. It just seems… kinda unreal right now. I… I’m no longer pregnant. I went to the hospital and everything, and I miscarried, and all that shit that my parents used to tell me came bubbling up and that’s why I couldn’t go with you to your mom’s rehearsal dinner, K. I wanted to be there, but I was bleeding, and I couldn’t get up out of bed, and I thought Hunter was going to go crazy and Matty was crying right along with me.”

I pull in a sharp breath like I’ve been stabbed. My lower lip trembles, and shame burns me right through as I think of all those awful things I said to her, all those words I meant in the heat of the moment.

“But you didn’t have to tell me those awful things, K.” Sera’s voice gets harder now, meaner, and it’s nothing less than I deserve. Maybe my bad luck rubbed off on her, and made her lose the baby.

Maybe somehow, with my shit personality, my shitty behaviour, hell, with every single word I’ve ever said to her since we became friends, I didn’t help her out as much as I thought I did. I didn’t make her believe in herself more, I didn’t do enough. And maybe that’s why she lost the little spark of life in her belly.

Just as I’m wallowing in my self-pity, Sera continues the conversation, weaving in the lyrics from Gotye’s “Somebody that I used to know”.

I stand up quickly and nearly cause Potter to bungee jump off my lap without the safety of being attached. I somehow grab him with one hand, and start yelling. I’m not even sure Dean realizes what I’m doing. If he tells me to fuck off after ruining his movie I might just kick him in the balls. Or stomach. He should be able to have kids someday.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Here I am, thinking you’re going to tell me to suck it, and you never want to speak to me again and you’re playing nerdy reference games that aren’t even nerdy?! What the hell?!”

“Don’t you yell at me, Katie! Don’t you fraking dare! Next time I see you, I’m gonna punch you in the boob!” She growls. I want to throttle her right now.

“You’re the one who can’t get your head out of your ass for five minutes and see what you’re doing to yourself and the people around you. Fraking hell, what is the matter with you? Where the hell are you, you and I are going to have words, and they ain’t going to be pretty, I promise you that!”