Never Been Nerdy(68)

“So you met him at Rockland for…”

“Oh, to help him pick out the ring. He didn’t need my help, though. MacLaine had it all figured out. The freaking thing is so Sera. He was being all shady as fuck when he called me to meet him there, too, and it freaked me out. I thought it was a trap.”

Dean chuckles and lifts his hand up, palm facing me. “You get a high five for the good use of that quote.”

I smile for real this time, and slap my hand against his. Dean then twines our fingers together and leads me over to the couch where he sits in one corner and I’m in the middle but he’s still got my hand. Shit, he can probably feel my cardiac issues right through the skin of my wrist.

“So what’s got you all upset? You look like you’re about to cry,” he says in that quiet, assured way of his. My lip might start trembling if he keeps speaking to me like that.

I could hate how easily he can read me, but then again, it’s the best feeling in the world.

I tug my hand free and settle both of them on my lap. I stare down at my immaculate cuticles and think that Sera never even bothered to take care of her nails, or fix them after they chip with those wacky colors she wears (TARDIS blue, I kid you not!).

I’m prettier than Sera; I take care of myself, and I watch what I eat. I’m beautiful on the outside; my wrapping is more attractive in so many ways but Hunter MacLaine took one look at me as I opened Sera’s apartment door all those months ago and dismissed me with those crazy-blue-Paul-Walker eyes of his, and asked for her specifically. Without even giving me a chance to give him my very best smile.

I saw how happy she was, how much she blossomed under his support, how much she learned about herself by loving both him and Matty. And I thought I could break that up?

I’m nothing but a lump of coal in a pretty package.

I talk to my lap because it’s easier than seeing Dean’s disgust.

“The first thing I felt when Hunter asked me if the ring he chose was good enough was absolute, pure jealousy,” I say, voice mousy and small. I squeeze my eyes shut, and hear my pulse ratchet up its beat in my ears.

“I’m so jealous of what they have and it’s going to kill me. I don’t know what I’m going to do if she wants me to be her maid of honour. I really have no idea how I’m going to stomach that day.”

Silence.

The dogs come rushing to us, Potter struggling and failing to jump up the height of the couch. He’s frantic, yipping out for help, and I take pity on him and settle him in my lap. I stroke his back, feel his tiny spine and hip bones underneath his meagre flesh and muscle. He kills me with his cuteness when he sighs like he’s so exhausted and curls in the space between my crisscrossed legs and sleepy snuggles into the leg of my jeans.

“I’m really mad at myself for feeling that way. I also want to cry, and scream, and yell at Sera not to go ahead with it, not to say yes.”

Dean clears his throat, and nudges me with his giant knee. “Why?”

I blow out a breath and continue petting Potter’s ears. The little guy turns over in my lap and shows me his belly for special petting. I shrug, it’s such a useless movement but I’ve got so many words clamoring to come out of me, I don’t know what to say first, and how to sugar coat them so I don’t sound like such a bitch.

Then again, be yourself and all that.

“Marriages don’t work. We have tons of statistics to prove that. And Hunter… Hunter’s a diabetic, Dean. He can’t be spontaneous, he can’t go for a damn walk outside without needing to check his sugar and decide if he needs to eat something or not. That shit’s ridiculous! Plus, he has a kid, Dean! An actual kid! They’re doomed before they’ve even started.” I take a deep breath, and peek up at him. His face is completely impassive, and I can’t read his eyes too well.

“Sera loves junk food, I mean, hello. And because of the two of them, she can’t have any of it. Why does she have to sacrifice so much when he can’t give her as much back?”

“How do you know that?” Dean asks. There’s an edge to his voice and I can’t tell if he’s pissed off at me or, say, Potter for clearly adoring me so much.

“How do I know what? I see it! I see it when they’re together!”

“Has Sera ever complained about any of this?”

“Please, Dean, I think I know my best friend.”

Dean shakes his head, like you would to someone who is clearly not getting it. “That shit isn’t important. You think if Sera really, and I mean really, wanted some chocolate she couldn’t chow down in her car, at work, wherever, but anywhere away from Matty and Hunter? You’re just making up excuses now, and fuck if I know why.”