Never Been Nerdy(71)

I don’t know what to say. I can’t call her a bitch because that’s exactly what I would’ve said if the roles were reversed. Huh.

“I’m with Dean right now.”

“Has he knocked some sense in you, yet? You better not ruin him, K, he’s too good for that! I swear to Castiel, you do anything to hurt him, I’m going to… I’m going to find another maid of honour and you’ll have to live with the shame for the rest of your life!”

I feel like I’ve been slapped. There was just too much information to deal with.

“Maid of Honour? What? Dean? Who?”

I’m making no sense but Sera knows what I’m saying. “Yeah, you’re going to be my maid of honour! You said some real shitty things but I know why you did, and even though I didn’t deserve any of that, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt. You were angry and riled up and terrified and humiliated and you took it out on me. Not cool, K, but that’s fine. The Winchesters know I’m not going to hold it against you. That’s what you do, K, even when all the cards are down, or some other Poker analogy I don’t understand - you still keep fighting for who you care about. You don’t just give up, and I’m not giving up on you.”

My throat’s on fire, and I’m struggling to breathe. There’s a hole in my chest, expanding, getting wider, tearing everything open with harsh hands.

“I don’t think you should give me another chance, Sera,” I whisper and start walking towards Dean’s bathroom. I set Potter down at my feet, who just curls up between them and starts napping again. Man, I envy him that ability.

“I’m an awful friend. You shouldn’t give me another chance. You shouldn’t do that.” I swallow hard, and rub the tears off my cheeks. I hiccup and chew on my lip to keep quiet.

“Hang up on me now, and go celebrate with Hunter. Have some hot jungle sex and orgasm twelve times, okay? Be happy for me, Delos, just be happy.”

I hang up, and grab a wad of toilet paper to soak up my tears.

The only thing is they don’t stop falling.



***



“Are you okay in there?” Deans asks, after knocking on the bathroom door. Maybe he has to take a piss, and I’m hogging the bathroom.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I say, but my voice is all watery and weak and he has to know that I’m in here, bawling my eyes out, no matter how quiet I tried to be.

“C’mon, kitten, come on out. I’ll make you some hot chocolate from scratch and top it with homemade whipped cream, okay?”

“You keep feeding me like this, I’m going to weigh a thousand pounds!” I whisper-yell, and blow my nose.

“Hot chocolate, kitten. Homemade. Did I stutter?”

That’s probably a reference, too, but I don’t know from what movie. There’s no pressure though for me to understand, and because I can’t see him, he doesn’t give me the crazy eyes begging for me to understand the reference like Sera sometimes does. I never told her, but it always made me feel stupid, and left out.

Dean doesn’t make me feel like that at all.

“I’m coming out, just gimme a sec.” I get up off the toilet and Potter hops to it with me, looking at me like we’re going to go on an adventure together and he’s game. I look at my reflection and try to wipe off the meager makeup I put on this morning, wiping the mascara trails under my eyes, practically rubbing my skin raw ‘cause that shit is waterproof.

When I’m satisfied I come out, and smell the deep cocoa smell that is homemade hot chocolate.

“You know,” I sniff, “my dad used to make me hot chocolate almost every school night because I had trouble sleeping. Even when I didn’t have trouble sleeping, I never told him, because I loved getting something that he made from scratch. Pretty stupid, huh?”

Dean looks back at me from stirring the pot of milky deliciousness. “Not stupid at all. It’s a long con if I ever heard of one. I wouldn’t mind making my little girl hot chocolate every night. With toasted marshmallows on top topped with cinnamon. Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“You want kids?” The question is very…intimate. I mean, I don’t even know if the Josh, Eli, Russia and Alex want kids. We’ve never talked about it, and knowing this about Dean seems more than a bit invasive.

“Yeah. My little brother Max is in New York, I think I told you that already.” I don’t tell him he didn’t.

“I don’t get to see him much and I miss the little asshole. I don’t know, I always wanted a bunch, now whether a bunch means three or five kids, I’m not too sure.”