Never Been Nerdy(73)

“I think so. She wants me to be her maid of honour.”

“And?”

I shrug. “I’m not too sure how to feel about that. I want her to be happy, but I’m getting in the way of that. I should keep my distance. At least for now. I’m going to screw things up for her, and I don’t want to do that. It’s actually the reason why I’m staying far away from my mom’s wedding tonight. She’s getting married at city hall, but a whole bunch of her friends and family are supposed to show up later, but I don’t want to go.

“I don’t want a repeat of last night. I’ve got enough bad luck as it is, and I don’t need to make that situation worse,” I sigh, drinking some more hot chocolate.

“You need to explain this bad luck thing to me.”

I look nervously away from him, anywhere but at his face, but the pull of his eyes are magnetic, pulling me back.

“You mumbled something when you were drunk, kept me up all night. And again, just now.”

“I’m sorry about that. Didn’t mean to keep you awake.”

“Kitten, why aren’t you looking at me?”

I will myself to keep calm. Being a bitch never did anything good for me.

“It’s a curse that’s been put on my family by my nona. She got pissed that I wasn’t named after her and she always hated my dad so she cursed the DiNovro name. Stupid old-school-paysan shit, you know, village idiot type stuff. So I have a lot of bad luck, I ruin a lot of things for a lot of people, and maybe it’s better that Sera and I stop being friends. I’ve always pushed her to get someone better, hell, even suggesting one of my boys would be a more suitable replacement. I was really wrong Dean, incredibly wrong.”

“We all make mistakes.”

“Yeah, but my mistakes take on epic proportions. And you’re one of them.”





Chapter 21





“I had you completely erased from my memory, you know? I tried really, really hard to forget you, and all that stupid shit I did when I was sixteen.” I’m going to start crying again, it’s just a matter of time.

“Dean, I don’t want to hurt you again, I don’t want to hurt you. Thank you for being so nice to me, and treating me with respect. For letting me meet your dogs, and for always feeding me delicious food when you could have just left me to starve. I’m sorry for hitting you with my car. Dean, I’m just on a downward spiral and I’m going to drag you down with me, and I can’t bear to do that to you.

“Find that girl of your dreams, alright? Be happy, for me.” I’m full-on crying now, and my hot chocolate is all blurry in front of me, so I whirl around and try to find my way out of here. I trip over Potter but don’t turn around to see if he’s okay.

All the tears, all the frustration I’ve forced down since my parents’ divorce strangles me, expands all my rage and has me sobbing, sobbing so very hard that I feel my ribs crack and I can’t get a good breath. The whole world is a watery blur, and straight-edged lines become distorted, until I practically nose-dive into the door just in time for Dean to take a handful of my shirt at the small of my back and haul me upright.

His thick arms cord themselves around my ribcage, my breasts pillowed against his forearms. He’s locked them around me, cutting off some of my air, but I don’t care about that. I want him to hold me tight and never let me go, I want him to want me, ruined as I am, fucked up as I am because I can make him happy, because he’s my Hunter and I’m his Sera if I try really, really hard.

I’m pressed tight against his chest, and his face goes into the skin where my throat meets my shoulder and he’s shaking – why is he shaking?

“Jesus Christ on the crucifix, kitten, don’t you see? I never gave up on you, even after all this time. Please stop crying, I hate it when you cry.”

“I can’t… can’t stop. I’ve ruined everything, I ruin everything. I’m the reason my parents split up, I’m the reason my mom decided to leave and chose some other asshole to fuck around with. I wasn’t good enough for her to stay behind.

“I was about to ruin my best friend’s relationship because I was jealous and I thought he was going to break her heart. And they’re getting married, Dean! They’re engaged, and even after all those awful, awful things I said to her, she’s making me her maid of honour! I don’t understand how she can just forgive me like that, I truly don’t understand,” I hiccup and dig my nails into Dean’s strong forearms. I may have broken skin but he doesn’t say anything.

“Please, kitten, please stop crying. You’re just going to make everything worse,” Dean moans, rocking me to the left and right, a little teeter-totter with a six-foot-four giant. “Come I’ll make you something substantial to eat, and I’ll put on a funny movie.”