Never Been Loved(30)

"Only if she isn't too tired," I say, hoping that's the right answer.  She should just tell me to fuck off; tell me she's too tired. She  doesn't have to read to Matty, she doesn't have to do anything she  doesn't want to. So I decide to give her an out. "And buddy, she looks  sleepy."

"No way, she doesn't! Look! Her eyes are open." Damn kid-logic. Always right on the money.

"Yeah, I'll read to you. What do you want?" she asks, and I want to drop Matty and gorilla-beat my chest.

"Peter Pan!" Matty says, pushing up from my shoulder, looking straight  down at Sera as we make our way to the basement elevator lobby.

"Again?"

"We didn't get so far last time, I fell asleep! I want to read about  Peter and Wendy going to Neverland!" Matty says, the elevator now  ringing with his voice.

"All right, I'll get the book and come right over, okay?" Sera looks at  me to see if it is okay. Abso-fucking-lutely. "See you in a bit."

Sera goes to her door, and I go to mine. I put Matty down on his bed,  pulling out his Spider-man pajamas, and helping him get into them. He  jumps in mid-air, crosses his legs, and makes impact with the mattress.  The kid's excited and doesn't mind showing it. Maybe I should read to  him, too?

I rub my face with both hands, trying to get my brain in on the prospect  that Sera's coming over, but I can't muster up the energy to get  nervous about it.

But the hesitant knock does come, and once I let her in, I say, "You don't have to do this, you know."

"I know. But I want to." Who wants to read to a little kid after a  long-ass day? Who? "Where's Matty's room?" she asks, and instead of  telling her, I use it as an excuse to touch her again by grabbing her  hand and bringing her to his room.

I turn around and her eyes have popped wide and she's taking in every  little detail of his room. My grin is wide as I watch her eyes go left,  right, up and down to catch the sheets, the pajamas, the paint on the  wall, the carpet and the few toys scattered on the floor.         

     



 

The first thing she says? "You have Transformers sheets!"

"Autobots, roll out!" Matty looks up at her like she's magic.

"All right, scoot over, kiddo. We're going to Neverland." I watch Matty  scoot over to the far end of the bed, right up against the wall and get  under the covers. Sera climbs in next to him, her sweats on, her hair up  in a bun, no make-up on. My heart trips up its rhythm again, and I  swear if this keeps happening, I'm going to need heart medication.

"You have to close your eyes now, Matty, and imagine every word I'm  telling you, all right? Picture what I'm telling you, and you don't need  movies," she says, voice low and hypnotic. Matty does as she says, and I  make my way out of the room, letting them go on their adventure  together.

I go to my room, hurriedly pick up the clothes off the floor, dirty  underwear and socks, and sniff at some jeans that need washing. Christ,  when did I become such a slob? And do I actually expect Sera to come in  here? No, I don't. But it's always good to be prepared and all that  shit.

I pick out some boxers and forget about getting a shirt. Fuck, I want  her to see me, see my tats, my piercings. I want her to look at me like I  look at her. I get into the bathroom and get the shower water nice and  scalding. After my bouts of sugar low-induced sweats, I freeze my ass  off so bad, it feels like I'll never get warm again. Hot water is a  godsend.

I try not to think of Sera while I'm in there. How she's two rooms away  from me. How she's lying down on a bed, with Matty, but still lying down  on a bed, on her back, reading a book. And how badly I want her to be  in my bed, reading a book, making those faces and noises she'd probably  make while reading that book.

How I'd ask her what was going on, and try to make the story seem a  little more interesting when I took it away and start kissing her  everywhere and anywhere.

The hot water feels like her hands running all over my body, and Junior,  well, he doesn't stand a chance against my imagination. I think of Sera  in that fucking sexy as hell tight skirt she had, how the material  lovingly cupped her ass, how all the womanliness was being shown off for  me and for every man who has two eyes. Fuck, fuck, fuck I'm in trouble.

I pull in air, use them as calming breaths because I don't want to scare  her off, I don't want her running. Sometimes, the male anatomy is a  pain in the ass.

Zombies, zombies, zombies! Dead things! DEAD THINGS AND MAGGOTS.

Junior takes a step back from going full attention and I breathe a sigh  of relief. Doesn't mean that even if Sera gives me one look that I'm  going to be locked and loaded to give her anything she's ever wanted.  I'm so in over my head. And it feels like a fucking good place to be.

I get out of the shower, and close all the lights to the apartment. I  play this sick trick on myself, trying to make my eyes focus in the  dark, trying to keep them sharp, trying to make them work overtime so  the sugar doesn't fuck up my vision too bad. I have no scientific  evidence to back this up, but it just feels like it's something I have  to do, something I need to do.

Then I hear her.

"Hunter?" she whisper-yells, and I make my way over to Matty's room. "Hunt?"

"Yeah?" I answer, stepping into the doorway. Oh yeah, she's seen me.  Then why is she slamming her eyes shut, and clamping down on her jaw?

"I'm sorry, go back to sleep."

I pad over to where she's lying down on the bed, crouching low over her.

"Sera, what?" I want to laugh at her surprised face when she finally looks up at me. "Are you stuck?"

I feel her eyes on me, travelling all over me. Up, down, only to come  back up and down again. She likes my piercings. Her little pink tongue  comes out to wet her lips, and her eyebrows are pinched together like  she's thinking too hard, or something.

"Yeah...yeah. I need help. He's fallen asleep."

The kid's lying half-on top of her, not a care in the world. He's  wrapped himself around one of her arms, trying to make sure she never  lets go.

Jules, where are you so you can take care of your kid? Why did you have to go and die on me?

I grab one of Sera's hands, and gently pull her until both her feet land  on the ground. Her shirt has ridden up during this whole thing, and I  see a strip of skin underneath her belly button that is making me think  of dead things 'cause hiding my raging dick in boxers is going to need  more than Houdini to make it disappear. Shit. I know I can't help it,  but she doesn't need that from me right now, like I'm only some kind of  horndog.         

     



 

Fuck yeah, if she lets me get into her pants, lets me touch her, and  wants me back, I'm all for it. I'm just tired of being needed for that  only reason, like it's all I'm good for.

Sera straightens, and looks up at me. In this lighting, I can't tell her  eyes are green, just dark enough that they look like I'm going to be  swallowed whole by the colour.

"I'm just gonna leave now," she says, words rushed, but checks herself  when she realizes I've gone and taken a hold of her wrist, just loosely  enough to remind her I'm still here. Hell, I know I'm pushing my luck,  but what's another inch if it's going to get me closer to her?

"Why don't you stay and watch The Goonies with me? It's playing right  now on TV." I made sure to set a recording for it whenever it's playing.  Stay with me, get to know me better than that thing you keep saving.

I catch her taking another peek at me; my skin itches and I'm pretty  sure I'd shoot my load if she tried to pet me. Junior sure wants to show  her how much he likes her. Yeah, Sera wants me. But I'm not going to  rush anything, yet.

"Only if you put some clothes on first," she says, eyebrows high, and  keeping her gazed locked to mine by sheer force of will. In some quiet  place in my head, a thought drifts through and it's absolutely true.  This girl is going to chew me up and spit me back out. And I'm going to  let her.

"You don't like looking at me?" I ask, feeling the warmth of her skin seeping through me, chasing the cold away.

"It's not nice to flaunt your genetic makeup in front of other people, Hunter."

"So that's a yes," I say. Genetic makeup? What? "My genetics have fucked  me up, too, baby. I'm happy you like the outer package." Please like  the outer package, the rest of me is batting at zero.

"Oh, yeah, start with the guilt-trip 'cause you have a faulty pancreas,"  she says, glaring me down like she can hear what's going on in my head.  My heart's a speedster, trying to escape my ribs. When I'm frozen in  place for too long, she hisses, "Go and wear something!"

"What will you do if I don't?" My stupid mouth. My stupid, stupid mouth.  Like I'm seriously going to challenge her right now, going to force my  company on her, when she's the one with all the power here. We're  playing a game of chess; I'm the pawn and she's the all-powerful queen.  I'm chump change, and she's everything.