Never Been Loved(27)

“Swear on your life,” I say, not sure where the words come from. I figure she’s taking something important from me and I need her to even up the score.

She deep breathes, but gives me the words. “I swear, Hunter. Everything’s going be fine. Promise. Rest easy. You’ll see him in a couple of days. We’re going to OD on movies and maybe some pizza.”

Another Sera-grin for me. It’s better than all the normal sugar levels in the past ten years.

“See you soon. Matty? Come say bye.”

Matty skips over, hands free from his ears and I get slobbered on again. The kid waves good bye as I watch Sera tug him out of Monitored Care.

And then I’m alone, just like it feels I always have been.





I’m a moron, but Sera is driving me crazy. Maybe I’m going crazy, the constant sugar lows and highs have finally screwed up my brain and thinking processes. This is not rational behaviour. I’m pounding at her door, and I hear whatever conversation that was going on in her apartment turn to complete silence.

Sera told me she was having friends over when I called. Christ, I know this. I just can’t help the level of pissed off that I’m throwing off at her closed door. I’m surprised I’m not breaking it down by a sheer force of will.

How fucking dare they have fun, eat, drink beers and wine or whatever the fuck, and Jules’ kid’s in there, and she’s in there, laughing at a stupid joke, smiling at everyone but me. And now I’m the reason that her apartment has gone deathly quiet, as if they know I’m about to kill all the fun.

The door opens, too fucking slowly, and Sera’s there, staring at my feet. I look down to make sure that yeah, I did take my pants from the hospital and put them on the right side out. Her hair’s a curtain in front of her face. I have the insane need to see her face, to see her eyes. To make her look at me like I’m more than the guy she left behind at the hospital.

Shit. I’m so screwed.

“I thought you were supposed to stay the night.”

I bite my tongue until I taste blood. What, now I’m ruining your party, princess? Sera still won’t look at me; I find myself grinding my teeth.

Look at me, Sera. Tell me I didn’t ruin your night. Tell me you took care of Matty, tell me you are who exactly you seem to be.

“I got discharged.” I need to tone down the asshole from my voice. “Where’s Matty?”

I’m waved into her apartment. I sweep the empty couch, and move over to her kitchen where four guys and the chick from last time are standing behind the counter. The broad looks up at me, dark brows high on her forehead. I ignore the guys. I don’t have a say in any of this, I’m just here to get Matty.

Focus.

Matty comes running from behind the kitchen counter, and collides dead on with my legs, sticking his pointy ass chin into my thigh. His hair fans out all around his head, and Jules’ eyes stare up at me from his little face.

You’d think I’d be used to the sucker-punch every time I look at him, but no. It’s still fresh, every single time.

“Daddy,” he says, twisting that fist around my gut, forcing up my throat in hot shame, “all these boys here, they’re not Sera’s boyfriends. They’re her friends.”

It’s really dumb that whatever tightness in my chest I had before walking in loosens at the sound of that when I’ve got no right to her. The kid has given a small ounce of hope and I don’t feel so run-down anymore. Yeah, right about now, I think I could bench press an eighteen-wheeler.

Somebody’s choking, and I hear someone pounding that guy on the back as coughs turn into laughs at Matty’s antics. Kids have a way of doing that, making you smile, especially when they don’t belong to you.

“That’s good kid,” I manage to say, watching the little guy as his arms tighten around my legs. I’m in for it; I should just give up. “Ready to go home?”

I tear my gaze away from him, note the crocodile tears are for the benefit of our audience, and look around Sera’s apartment once more. This is her place, the artwork, the striped carpet, the smell in here like somebody’s been baking all day long. Mom’s place never smelled like this, never smelled safe and welcoming.

The thought lights me up with anger again, and I move around Matty, dislodging his grip on me to get his pack off of Sera’s counter. I really need to sleep, I need to get my head on straight.

I need to steer clear of my next door neighbour.

“But I don’t wanna go home! I like it here! Look at all her movies! We don’t have this many movies at hoooooommme,” Matty whines, the sound like ice picks being driven into my fucking head.