More Than I Wanted(45)

“You keep touching it,” he said, watching my hand move up to my neckline over and over.

“I love it. You didn’t have to, but I’m glad you did.” I said softly. “It’s like a little piece of you will be here with me.”

“It looks great on you. Besides, I wanted you to have something special from me before I left.” He paused, “I will be back, there’s nothing that could keep me from getting to you.”

I nodded. “I know,” I whispered, choking back tears that wanted to show themselves. “I’ll be here waiting.”

I reached across the table, and he took my hand, and together we sat in silence for a moment. It was a monumental day. It was our last morning together for a long time, and there was so much to say, but so many more words didn’t need to be spoken. They sat in the air between us. We knew, knew what the other was feeling, thinking… our hearts were heavy knowing a long separation was sneaking up on us.

I cleared my throat and stood. “Are you finished?”

Picking up the plates, I rinsed them in the sink, stacking them for later. Together we went back to bed to spend our precious moments naked and clinging to one another.

How do I say good-bye? How will I form those words when it’s time? I couldn’t fathom it, and again glanced at the clock. Stop looking, it’s not helping!

Our kisses ranged from sweet to hungry, and yet no other movements were made. We simply stared into each other’s eyes, trying to memorize the tiniest details. We held one another, talking quietly, and when his watch beeped, I felt my heart leap in my chest. It can’t be time, not yet.

“One hour,” he said. My stomach turned and I felt sick. How could we only have one hour left? It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t enough time.

We’d made plans to spend a certain portion of the time together, but he also needed time to gather stuff, take care of some last minute things, and he promised he’d check in with his parents too.

My heart was racing, and I felt panic rush through me. I was overheating, and I forced myself to breath deeply and regain my composure. No getting out of control, you need to stay calm. He has enough on his mind. I bit the inside of my cheek out of habit, and pocketed my stress until later. If there was one gift I wanted to give him, it was a sense of calm, and telling him I’d be okay.

As if on cue, we made love again, knowing we were so limited on time. It was as if just one more time might make it better… but I knew the truth. It didn’t matter if we had one or fifty more orgasms at this point, an hour was an hour. In two hours, he’d all ready be gone – and a year is a year.

Clinging desperately to Austin, I felt our time slipping by, and soon we were climbing out of bed. Slowly pulling his jeans on, I suddenly remembered my camera on the coffee table. “Pictures,” I blurted out. “We need pictures.”

After dressing, we snapped a handful of photos as Austin held the camera up and out. How had I not taken more during these last few months? I was grateful we got these. My heart was breaking, I knew this was it. I wasn’t ready, not yet. I’d give anything for a few more minutes, another hour, or one more day.

We walked out of the bedroom together, through the living room, and then stopped at the kitchen not far from the door. Lifting me onto the counter, Austin slid between my legs, gently gripping underneath one of my thighs. Looking into my eyes, there was silence. Slowly his other hand came up to my face. Stroking my cheek, he slid his fingers to the curve of my face, cupping it delicately.

One last kiss and he’d be leaving. His hand slid out from under my thigh, and he placed it on the other side of my face. Tilting my head just the slightest bit, he leaned in and gave me a tender, sweet kiss.

Austin pulled back, watching me, and then kissed me again with hunger and yearning. Our lips parted, and we got lost in the lingering passion. His mouth moved to my cheeks, my neck, and then down across to my chest. He went back up along my neck and then stopped, whispering in my ear that he loved me. Those little words meant so much in these final moments.

I choked up, but forced myself not to cry. Wrapping my arms tightly around his shoulders, I didn’t want to let go. I held on, fighting for another second, another hour, anything – desperately not wanting our time to end.

One last taste, and as our lips brushed together gently, I felt the hot tears stream down my face. I tried, I really did, but in that instant it hit me like a sledgehammer that he was leaving for an entire year. He wouldn’t be back for one more kiss, one more night, one more anything. This was it.

I had to let go. Finally, I forced myself to release him. Dropping my head down, I took a deep breath and hopped down off of the counter. I tried, I really did, but the tears kept coming. I tried not to sob, and standing before him with a tearstained face, I whispered my love in return.