More Than I Wanted(47)

Scott snapped a picture of me holding AJ, and I took one of the three of them together. I couldn’t wait to show him when I got on video chat next time.

Heather had set aside six weeks of maternity leave, and she and Scott were trying to see if they could manage things financially if she stopped working, or at least went part-time. Now that baby Amber was in her arms, she couldn’t imagine not spending every waking moment with her.

I was happy I could share pictures with Austin. We’d been using video chat as much as we could, and thankfully he could text or call time to time. It really helped seeing him or hearing his voice. I was counting down the days, and there were still way too many to get through. We would get through this though, I had no doubt.

I worried about the loneliness at first, and while there were tons of moments I desperately could have used him by my side, I never once considered leaving him or breaking up for any period of time. He was my man, my hero, my lover. We’d be together again, I was certain.

…it was late, but Austin finally got his turn on one of the computers at his base. There was a loud noise, almost like an explosion nearby. His face went serious, and I froze. Just as he went to speak again, the picture started to go in and out. The words were cut off, then another loud boom. It didn’t fade to black, but he was running out of time.

“I have to go,” he said, but I couldn’t hear him.

“What?” I was trying to figure out what he was saying.

When he realized I couldn’t hear, he wrote it down on a piece of paper and held it up, “Have to go NOW… I’ll be okay, don’t worry.” He scribbled as fast as he could, knowing I could no longer hear him, but then he was gone.

I touched the scream, trying to reach him, but his image was no longer there. My heart sank.

Dear God, let him be okay. Please bring him home to me. Let me have my man, let him be safe, and please, please God, let all of his fellow soldiers remain safe as well.

I got a text a couple of hours later on my phone, “We’re okay, sleep well.” I breathed a sigh of relief, and was grateful for modern technology. Rolling over, I reached up and held my ruby heart, saying a prayer of thanks.

Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned into months. The year balanced between moving slowly and quickly. One minute I’d be complaining how slow the time was going, and soon I was counting down Austin’s return. It wouldn’t be long now. I can honesty say the only way I kept my sanity was being able to talk to him time to time, spending time with Heather and baby Amber, and getting my runs in. My days blurred together, and I just put one foot in front of the other, knowing all I could do was wait. I hated waiting, but I had no choice.

Looking at my calendar, I realized I’d crossed off more days than I thought possible, and he’d be home soon. Austin was supposed to get R&R awhile back, but they had to cancel his leave. I was crushed, but there was a piece of me that knew I’d never let go of him if he was in my arms for that short of a time. It was like a tease, and as desperately as I wanted to see him, I just wanted to put this all behind us.

As his homecoming arrived, I readied myself – knowing he’d be back in my life once and for all. I wasn’t sure how the entire year had passed, because at times it felt like time was moving slower than molasses, but here we were almost ready to meet up once again. He’d be home and in my arms. He was worth the wait, and the closer the actual moment got, the more excited I felt.

I wanted to look my best when he saw me, so I focused my efforts on cutting out extra sweets and keeping my runs up. I’d taken to eating way too many comfort foods this past year, and had a bit of extra padding. If I worked hard, I could shed it before he got home.

I went in search of the prettiest dress I could find for his return. I wanted him to look at me and remember how much he loved me. I knew it was just a moment frozen in time, but I still wanted to look my best. I had an idea in my mind of what I wanted to wear, something timeless and gorgeous.

I scoured the racks of clothing at the mall, and after a lot of frustration not finding what I wanted, I came upon something just as I was about to give up. It was a tea length dress that flared out a bit at the bottom. It said classic, feminine, and beautiful. It had a rose pattern on it, with blues and reds, but it wasn’t overdone. They were more muted than loud, almost understated, and with a matching pair of navy heels my outfit was complete.

I knew he liked my hair down, so I wore it that way, loose and with soft waves through the ends. As I started to get ready on the big day, I was full of nervous energy. What if he didn’t miss me as much as I missed him? What if he didn’t think I was as pretty as he once did? I knew it was silly stuff, and I berated myself for even letting my insecurities step in on a day like today. We’ve conquered this year together; it’s time to believe in this relationship and myself. I was stronger than I thought I could be.