Loving Lily(41)

“No,” I murmured to myself. “I won’t let that happen.” As much as it hurt me to let him go, I had to do what was right for the baby and myself. If I couldn’t protect it, no one would, not the way I would, anyhow. All my life, I had loved him, but it had come to point where I had to choose between my baby or him, and my baby would win no matter what.

People might think it drastic or irrational to easily give up on our marriage. However, what kind of marriage would it be if there wasn’t equality or trust? I had lost faith in him the moment I knew he was lying to me. And I simply couldn’t fathom that, especially not when it was a woman he was trying to hide from me.

Nevertheless, he had made a choice, and I had made mine. We both had our own crosses to bear, and I would endure all the sufferings and lashings life threw at me because, as much as I loved Drake, the growing seed had given me abundance of everything I had wished for. Even if Drake wouldn’t be a part of this life, the baby should suffice.

There was no way I could have it all.

I could, though, I acknowledged grimly, if I adjusted my take on the situation. The consequences were high, and I wasn’t sure I was that selfless to take Drake’s word for it. Sometimes, a woman had to put her foot down, no matter how much it pained her to do so.

*

After basking in an almost thirty-minute shower, I reluctantly shut the warmly cascading water jets off. Sighing, I took the ends of my hair and squeezed the excess water out before plucking up the peach-colored fluffy towel to wipe my body down. Haphazardly wrapping it around my body, I was in the process of coming out of the stall when I instantly paused, momentarily shocked to find Drake leaning against the black marbled sink, donning a blank expression before those vivid stormy gray eyes connected with mine.

My heart rapidly sped up, galloping at an alarming rate, as I stood rooted on the spot while my hands gripped the ends of the towel, hoping it wouldn’t slip south.

Wetting my lips, I was about to ask him if something had happened when he decided to speak.

“I’ll move in down the hall … to the guest room until you’ve given birth,” he clearly stated without blinking, as if he was repeating something he had rehearsed beforehand. “I’ll move out of the house after the baby’s born. You can keep Skull, since he’s more attached to you now.”

Shit. He was quick to throw me out. I had half expected him to plea a little, maybe even tell me what was really going on with him. For him to easily take on my idea in a matter of hours? Whoa. He had worked so fast he was seriously making my head spin.

Cautiously, I stepped out of the stall fully and met him face to face, needing to read his face, wanting to find a clue, something that would indicate if he was calling my bluff or if he truly was serious about this.

Locked jaws, relentless eyes, and his determined stance gave me the answer I reluctantly wanted to find. This wasn’t a joke. Drake had made a decision, and knowing his inflexible streak, he would stand by his decision, even if it killed him.

With nothing much to lose any longer, I carried on with his plan. “I have my own place. I’ll just move out. You stay in Malibu. It’s your own home, after all.”

Face still and blank, his eyes wielded power, drawing me in to recognize how severe he was about his suggestion. “Don’t argue with me on this, Lil. Let’s just keep it civilized and try to get through this until the baby’s born.”

“I am and I will. But speaking about this now is pointless. We can revisit the subject when it’s closer to the date.” I was a coward because, as much bravado as I wanted to portray right in front of him, I was dying inside. The reality of what was to come for us had hit me so hard I was almost choking on it.

I had lost the only man I had ever loved, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to fight for him or not. Almost an hour ago, I had been convinced I was right in letting him go, in dissolving our union    . However, the moment he and I started discussing the rigorous details of our separation, I was instantly quivering with fear, the pain becoming all too much, too palpable to bear.

The pulling intensity of his eyes made me well with tears.

“Is this really happening? Are we really heading there?” Could marriages be this easily broken? Was my reasoning behind it all the culmination of society making mass issues about feminism and how we, the women, could easily do what men could? They would have said I truly didn’t need him or any man, for that matter, to survive being a new mother. I wasn’t so certain anymore. All I knew was that, right that moment, I heard the sound of my heart crack in two.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” My lips quivered before I reached to wipe a tear that had escaped while I searched his face, waiting.