Loving Lily(39)

“Save me the bullshit, Lil. I’m glad you’ve finally told me where you stand.” I hadn’t equipped myself—no, not really—for the devastation of losing the woman I had fought so hard for. As much as the idea of forcing her to stay with me appealed, it left a nasty taste on my tongue. I had never forced a woman to be with me, and I wasn’t going to start with Lily. As much as it pained—killed me—to think of letting her go, if she wished to be parted from me, then I could never hold her back. “Because never in a million years did I ever believe you and I would separate. But, now that you’ve opened the can of worms, I’m seeing you as you are—you’re a fucking quitter! With a few little bumps in the road, you want to leave our marriage? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Little bumps?” She said the words as if they were toxic on her tongue. She obviously didn’t take my accusations lightly. “You think the last couple of months have been little bumps? Screw you! I’ve cried myself to sleep every night, wondering if tonight was going to be the night you wouldn’t ever come home!”

That was it. I couldn’t take her wrath sitting down while she glowered at me as if I had committed a cardinal sin. “But I did! I came home every single night, sleeping right beside you, even though you were stiff as board, pretending you were asleep, when I was right next to you! You flinched before I could even touch you!” I growled at her, almost spitting in her face. I was so infuriated I had to clench my fists to avoid the temptation to touch her, shake her, kiss her even. God help me, I was losing my mind arguing for our marriage, while she refused me at every angle. All the while, looking like something so delicious I could devour it in one gulp.

“Why do you think that is, Drake?” she eerily asked, seeming glass-eyed with tears yet refusing to let them fall. “You come home smelling like alcohol after going MIA for a few hours, doing what? Maybe screwing Katie or whoever is available to lift their skirts for you. Fuck, maybe you’re fucking all the interns in your company, for all I know.” There you go. She had finally said it. I had been waiting for her to say it to my face. It had taken her that long with this much cajoling to finally utter the damn words.

“Huh, I see.” I knew what she was thinking, although when she had finally said it outright, instead of feeling better, I felt the total opposite. Seconds ago, I had felt like I was in purgatory. This time, she had sent me straight to Hell.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” She obviously didn’t want to let this go, not just yet.

Well, what was there to say? It might have been better had I committed the crime she had accused me of, but I hadn’t. In her eyes, in her heart, though, she fully believed I had. In fact, she hadn’t looked so sure of herself until right then.

Not wanting to rain on her parade, I let her have the show. All of it. “You already seem to know everything, Lily. I dare not challenge that.”

“That’s all you’ve got to say?”

“Hey, according to you, you already thought of quitting me and just needed the right time and excuse to finally do it.” What a sad realization that had been.

“I thought it, yes, but that didn’t mean I was going to do it!”

“However you want to word it, Lil, the result is still the same. You’ve betrayed our vows. I don’t think I can get over that.” In the back of my mind, I had known the trip to Mexico wasn’t the greatest of ideas, for me, anyway. The moment Dad had brought it up, I could hear alarm bells ringing. I should have listened to the warning. Maybe if I hadn’t gone with them, there would have been something to salvage. Guess I would never know.

“Drake—”

Cutting her off, I shut her down. “You’ve said enough, Lil. So, please, go back and leave me be so I can sulk in my failed marriage.”

She momentarily looked stricken. “Please—”

Gripping the sides of my temples, I looked away, taking a few steps away from her, needing immediate space. “Leave, or I’ll just go somewhere else. I can’t look at you right now.” I blew out a shaky breath, feeling like she had trampled on me, thrown me under the bus, and then squashed my heart with her nails until it had burst. “It fucking hurts to even breathe the same air as you.”

“I’m sorry. I really am.”

So am I, I wanted to say, but I couldn’t fathom doing so. I was too hurt and too fucked up to even look at her.

The wheels had started turning. There was no going back now, only forward. What’s worse, from where I was standing, the future was beyond bleak.