Loving Lily(45)

She nodded before she scampered out of there with her head shaking in disbelief, shutting the door in her wake. The second it was shut, Drake’s hold on my arm tightened before giving me his full, raging attention, so much so that I quivered a little inside.

“What the fuck’s gotten into you, woman?” he roared, his eyes wild with fury. “How fucking dare you disrespect me in my office! And how fucking dare you treat me as such right before other people? Where the hell is your decorum?”

Bastard to the highest order.

“Oh, you’re lecturing me now, Drake?” I screamed at him, ready to rumble. “How dare you ask me where my decorum is! Why, where was yours when you had that bleached, big-tittied Barbie massaging your balls?”

“Well, at least someone’s interested in my fucking balls since my own wife can’t even stand getting a kiss from me!”

I. Went. Livid.

My limbs had one mission in mind, and that was to hurt, and hurt him good. I didn’t even think twice before connecting my palm to his cheek while the other tried to punch and scratch his bare chest. Drake’s hands caught both of mine when I meant to punch him again, willing his strong muscles to stop me from harming him. Therefore, with both of my hands temporarily out of commission, I lifted my leg, ready to kick where his prized jewels.

“That’s it! I’m done. I’m filing for divorce first thing tomorrow!” I was screeching in his face, frustrated that I couldn’t move when I felt him push me until my back hit the wall.

If he was raging with fury before, right then, he was so incensed he might as well breathe fire to scorch me in flames. “Go ahead. I dare you.”

“Consider it done,” I spat back, not willing to let it go. “I don’t want to be married to a filthy bastard who thinks his cock is god and every woman should fall on her feet to worship it. I don’t care what you do! I just want you out of my life.”

“You won’t stop, will you, Lil?” His question confused me a little, but before I had the chance to speak, he continued his speech. “You’ve done enough, don’t you think?” His eyes were so magnetic my will instantly vanished as I let its gray intensity hypnotize me. “From the moment you condemned me, you have been nothing but horridly toxic to be around. Whatever you do, you do it to purposely hurt me. You didn’t give me a chance to redeem myself, let alone explain; you simply decided I wasn’t worth your time, so you cast me aside, leaving me to fend for myself, uncaring if I were dead or alive.” His breathing became ragged, feeling the depth of his words as he tried to read my eyes, searching for something. “I don’t know why you still settle for threats when you lost me a while back. The second you abandoned me, I started to let you go, too.”

I was rendered speechless. There was never a doubt in my mind that each word was meant to hurt, but it also bore the truth. He had let me go, and I wasn’t prepared to hear him say it. I was too perplexed to say a damn word while our eyes remained connected, radiating such palpable intensity I suddenly felt the urge to cry.

Fighting my conflicted emotions, I blew out a shaky breath, almost wincing from the sharp air that entered my lungs the second I heaved to breathe.

“I could’ve been a good husband to you. No man is capable of loving you the way I can. And I hope, someday, when you and I start living apart from one another, only then will you realize just how much I fought for you. I loved you so fucking much I would’ve fought any battle for you, Lily. I would’ve done the same…” He trailed off while his eyes gave me a glimpse of the kind of hell he had been going through. “I could’ve done the same, but I can’t fight an endless wall. No one can.”

“So, the moment you give up, you immediately make yourself available to whoever is interested, is that it?” I had crossed towards the land of crazy. No matter how hard I tried to stop myself from spewing more hateful things, it seemed as if it was beyond my control. “Well, maybe I should take your advice and go over my contact list. Maybe Jared or whoever would be available to make me feel good. A massage or two surely would be pleasurable.” I wanted to see madness in him, but when the expected explosion never came, I felt trapped in a hell of my own making.

Drake remained silent, not uttering a word, while I silently panicked inside. Was this what a stalemate felt like?

Not able to withstand the complexity of his gaze, I dropped my sight towards his chiseled chest, barely remembering the last time I had felt it, touched it. How long had it been? When was the last time we had even made love? I knew it had been a while back because I couldn’t seem to remember when or how it had felt to be captured by him.