Loving Lily(40)

Chapter 18

Lily



I was still reeling from my confrontation with Drake an hour later. My mind couldn’t wrap around what had just happened out there on the beach. All I had ever intended to do was bring him back. Yet, much to my shock, it somehow had snowballed into something massive, something that would eternally change us. There was no denying we were drifting apart, and I hadn’t anticipated that kind of raw confrontation, most especially on our first night back in Mexico.

Months of anger and unanswered questions had evidently pushed me to the inevitable. There was no way of erasing the memory, the one where I saw the pain in those beautiful gray eyes I loved so much, ones filled with so much agony. What I had told him was the truth, but saying it out loud made it real, so real I could feel the impact of my words immediately. I hadn’t meant for it to turn out that way. In my mind, I had pictured that we would confront the problem in the most rational sense and not when he was drunk and too incoherent to have a serious discussion.

There was a part of me that believed he hadn’t cheated, though the unreasonable side of me had questioned for a millionth time that, if he truly wasn’t, then what the hell was he hiding? It had to be something colossal, or he would divulge the secret he had been guarding for weeks on end.

Maybe I should have been a little reserved and more accommodating in trying to understand him. Maybe I should have listened to my heart instead of my ever-theorizing mind that had taken over my life when I wasn’t trying to have a healthy baby.

After he had confessed earlier, I couldn’t help feeling all of my instincts were in full throttle, telling me this involved a woman, a woman he wasn’t prepared to tell me about yet. Then the only thing I could think of that would make him so damn secretive was Katie Thompson. Ever since she had come into the picture, he had started changing.

Through the previous night and all the other occasions of drunkenness, it never failed to worry me until I could hear his keys opening the door. Only then could I breathe a sigh of relief.

I was so certain he had been sleeping with someone else I had mentally prepared for it, for the time he would tell me and how gravelly sorry he would be. What he had done, instead, I hadn’t been prepared for. Not only that, more questions were added to my already confused mental state.

Well, did it even matter anymore? I was sure that, after tonight, after I had told him I had considered leaving him, I doubted he would ever forget it. Nor would he be so forgiving. The real Drake Tatum wouldn’t let those facts go away without repercussions. On some level, I was anticipating what was to come next.

Checking the time, it was almost past midnight. From what I could hear, Drake wasn’t back yet, either. His parent had already retired for the night; therefore, the house was quietly still, and any indication of a door opening or shutting could be easily heard throughout the villa because of the echoing sounds caused by the marble flooring.

I supposed he was still venting, or maybe he had gone to one of the bars to scavenge for more alcohol. There was no one to blame for his abruptness but myself. Had I practiced a little self-preservation, maybe the disaster wouldn’t have spiraled so out of control. It was too late to retract any of it, though. All I could do was brace myself and try to protect my sanity for as long as possible until we could figure out a way to go on from there.

Sliding off the linen rattan sofa in the bedroom, I strode towards the bathroom, desperate to take a long, warm shower. Lately, showers were one of the main things that seemed to calm me when my stressors were at an all-time high. Also, I loved seeing my body slowly transform in the full-length mirror. Every night, I would pose, twist, and turn in all angles just to see how my body was beautifully changing to accommodate the growing baby inside of me. I wasn’t sure why, but it brought me comfort. It was one of the only things that seemed to make me smile lately. By some small miracle, I was grateful I was pregnant because had I not been, I would most likely become a hysterical woman, flinging accusations and insults whenever I saw Drake.

I was at fault, too, for not talking to him about this, but I had learned from my mistakes with him in the very beginning. He endured being such an asshole towards me even though it was apparent his actions fully hurt me. He was repeating his same mistakes.

The man had a lot of pride. I only wished we were past all of those mishaps, and he would finally let me in as his wife, his partner. Whatever it was that was going on in his life, I wished he had enough confidence in me to divulge the problem, if there was a problem.

What was the point of being married if the two people involved didn’t share each other’s burdens? If he could easily hide things so early on in our marriage, he would have more secrets later on. What then? I didn’t want to wait until I was so knee-deep in marriage to him that I would possibly lose my identity with children vying for my full attention.