Letting Go(32)

Regret shimmered in his rich brown eyes, and he put a finger to her mouth. She wanted to lick it, to see if he tasted as good as he looked, as she imagined.

“You’ll never have to beg. Not for me you won’t. I’ll give you whatever you want. Unconditionally and without reserve. And I’ll never question you again. But there are a few things we need to get out of the way—important things—before we get swept away in everything else.”

“All right,” she quietly agreed.

His voice had dropped, the tone serious, his gaze brooding and yet . . . hopeful. Almost as if he was afraid she would change her mind and cut and run. Maybe she couldn’t blame him. If it was true that he’d waited all this time, had wanted her all this time, he likely felt like the rug could be pulled out from underneath him at any moment. Or perhaps he thought this was all a dream, one he’d wake from and it would all be gone.

It was a feeling she was well acquainted with. Ever since she’d seen him in The House, her world had been irrevocably altered. It would never be the same no matter what happened between them.

She feared that. Her biggest fear was that this wouldn’t work out, that it would end badly and she would have lost not only Carson, but also a man she considered her friend. Perhaps not her best friend. Her friendship with Chessy and Kylie was steadfast, but it was a different kind of friendship than the one she had—or rather used to have—with Dash.

When she’d decided to let him go on the same day she relinquished her hold on Carson’s memory, she hadn’t been happy. Far from it. She’d felt as though she were losing someone important to her all over again. Only now she stood to gain far more.

Or she could lose it all.

Maybe she was crazy for even entertaining this. She and Dash may well be better off shutting the door that had been opened. But could they ever return to a normal friendship now?

No. Not after all of this. Not after he’d laid it all on the line. Even if she ended the relationship before it ever began, there was no going back to the way it was. Ever.

Her only option was to pursue this. Lay it out just as he’d laid it out so bluntly. And hope like hell that she didn’t lose more than she gained.

“You’ve explained what it is you want and need,” Dash said, his voice now controlled as he stared intently at her. “But we haven’t discussed my needs. My expectations. Nor have we discussed your boundaries and what happens if I ever cross them.”

Her brow furrowed. They were fast venturing into unknown territory. Of course she had no idea of Dash’s expectations. How could she when she’d never dreamed he was the kind of man she craved? A dominant, alpha male unafraid to take what he wanted. Not ask. Take.

She didn’t want a man who asked permission. She didn’t want a man who treated her like a fragile piece of glass. Carson cherished her. No doubt about it. And she loved him for it. Loved him for always treating her so precious. But now? She wanted a man not afraid to cross the line. Because she had no idea what the boundaries were that Dash spoke of. Hers. And she wouldn’t until he crossed them.

She wanted to see just how far she could be pushed. She was seized by a decadent thrill at the thought of exploring the darker edges of desire. Sex. Power. Dominance. She wanted it all. Wanted to revel in a strong man’s authority and control. Oh how she craved it with every fiber of her being.

“We’ll start with yours,” Dash said, closely examining her as if he could read her thoughts.

Maybe he could. He and Carson had both mercilessly teased her about being an open book. They’d told her she’d never make it as a business partner, not that she had any desire to join their company. She didn’t know how Kylie stood working for the two intensely driven men! They’d both told her on more than one occasion that one only had to look at her to have a direct window to her soul.

It could be construed as criticism, but both men had made their statements with great affection. As though it was a compliment instead of a fault.

“But I don’t know my boundaries,” she said in frustration. “How could I? Dash, you know this is new for me. That my only experience comes from my fantasies.”

“I know, honey, but we have to establish what you would do if I do cross a boundary of yours. I understand you won’t know until it happens. What I want is to implement safeguards for that eventuality. Because I will push you, Joss. I know you think I’m being gentle with you and maybe I am. For now. But once you’re under my control, I’ll push your limits.”

She nodded her understanding.

“Now, many people in these kinds of relationships use safe words. I’m not a fan of them myself, but I understand the necessity of them. Especially for a woman being introduced to this world for the first time. After a while you won’t need a safe word because it’s my job to find out your boundaries and push you to the very edge without crossing that line. Does that make sense?”