Forever Light(62)

Jackie throws her arms around me and we cry together. Both of us holding on to each other and crying over the boy who loved life. Who always saw the best in everything. Who had everything going for him and in an instant it’s gone.

Jackie sits up and reaches for some napkins that are sitting on the table. She hands one to me and then wipes her tears away. “Macy…”

I look over and try to smile through the pain.

“Forgive your sister. For me, for my son. I can’t bear the thought of one more life wasted from the accident.”

The tears start all over again. And I nod because I will, because I can’t lose anyone and I need my sister. I haven’t felt whole since the night at prom.

Jackie hands me a tissue, “Aren’t we just a party?”

“Party?” Madison says from behind us. I don’t even need to turn around to know it’s her.

Jackie reaches over and wipes my tears away. “Yup, we’re having a party.” She stands and her steps falter. I turn to see what stopped her. “Alexa,” she whispers.

Alexa runs into Jackie’s open arms. They hug, rocking back and forth for what seems like forever.

Madison nods towards the door. I wipe my face and follow behind her giving Jackie and Alexa some time together.

It’s freezing cold out here and I can feel my skin burn a little from the tears that I just wiped away. Madison takes a seat on the front step and I sit beside her. She really looks horrible today. I’m not sure if it’s being back in Canby or the drugs catching up with her.

I don’t know exactly what to say to her. I know something needs to be said. I’ve got to deal with the past. She is my sister after all but it doesn’t make what she and Landon did any easier. She’s my sister, she should have never did what she did. It was unacceptable. I think I was more pissed at her because she knew just how deep my feelings ran for Landon. She was the only one who really knew.

We’ve been sitting out here for a few minutes. I can hear Alexa and Jackie talking and laughing. It’s nice to hear her laugh after everything she’s been through lately.

“I’m sorry.” I hear Madison say.

I can tell with the tone of her voice that she means it. It’s only taken her three years. Yeah, she’s said it plenty of times when it first happened but she really didn’t truly mean it. Not like she does now. “I know you are, Madison.”

“I’m sorry that I chose him that night and broke your trust.”

My chest tightens as I remember them walking out of the closet together. Landon’s tie missing and Madison’s dress ripped. What do I say to that? Tell her that it’s okay because it’s not, it never will be. She hurt me, Cash, and herself. She not only lost Steven she also lost me that night and in most parts she’s lost Cash too. Madison turned to something that would take all that away. Something she now has to climb her way out of and only she can do it.

“I hate what you’ve done to yourself. I hate that Steven’s gone and that Alexa wants to be. I hate that you’re slowly killing yourself. But mostly,” I wait until she looks at me. She has to know how serious I am. Tears burn my eyes but I stare at her until she looks at me. I want her to see my pain and know that I’m sorry too. “I hate that I’m letting you do it.”

Madison reaches for me and I open my arms to her letting her back in. She cries and it shakes her whole body. I let my own tears fall when I know that Madison has hit rock bottom and knowing I was part of the cause. I knew she what she was doing and I did nothing to help her. I should have been there for her and I turned my back when she needed me the most.

“Can you forgive me?” Madison mumbles as her face is buried in my hair.

I pull back and place my hands on either side of her cheeks. “I’m going to try. You need me.” I look down her skinny body with her clothes just hanging off her and the dark circles around her eyes. “I can’t stand seeing you like this. I need you, Madison. I need you to get better. I need you to get off the drugs.” I take a few seconds and collect myself. That was harder to admit than I thought it would be. “I hate that you turned to Landon. And I don’t want to hate anymore. I’m exhausted.”

“He was just there, Macy.” Madison pulls out of my hold but still faces me. “Haven’t you ever been curious…about Cash?”

The daydream about Cash makes my cheeks instantly flush. “Yes. I have.”

“And?”

“I would never act on it.” I say defensively because she needs to know that nothing would ever happen with Cash and I.

“But you thought about it…”