Forever Light(60)

She shakes her head. “I don’t hate you. I could never.”

I smile. “It’s okay if you do.”

She gives me that look and I shut up.

“Fix yourself, Landon. There are a lot of people who need you. People you don’t even realize because you’ve pushed them away.”

She’s talking about Macy. And herself.

“It’s not going to be easy.”

“It never is.”

And she’s right. Nothing is ever easy in life. You either take it on head first or you’ll never survive and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’m barely surviving. I’m walking that last life line.





December 8, 2013



I promised Jackie that I would stop over today so that’s where I’m on my way too. It snowed last night but not enough that it would stop me from walking over there. I’m never breaking a promise ever again.

Jackie is standing at the kitchen table, she’s elbow deep in cookie dough. I waste no time at all, quickly taking my jacket, gloves and shoes off. The shoes are one of Jackie’s pet peeves. If your shoes were wet, you better damn sure leave them at the door. I can still hear her yelling at all of us, including Steven’s brothers, when we would come in from playing out in the snow.

“Morning, Macy.” She greets me with a smile.

“Morning,” I shuffle towards the table. “Need some help?”

She stops kneading the dough for a second and blinks a few times. She nods and I see her swallow a few times. I walk over to the sink and wash my hands. Jackie is well known for making dozens of cookies starting around this time of year and doesn’t stop until after Christmas. She hands them out to all the neighbors, probably the whole town.

I start on a batch of sugar cookies while Jackie pours in some chocolate chips in hers and starts mixing again. I put the recommended amount of butter in the bowl and then add the sugar and blend it until it’s creamy just like the age-old recipe says.

I hear someone moaning behind me and I turn to see who it is. Connor is standing in the entryway rubbing his stomach. “You couldn’t have waited until after I was up and back from the gym to start that?”

Adam pushes him aside so he can walk past him. “No, idiot, you know how it is this time of year.”

“Boys,” Jackie warns and both of their demeanors change instantly.

Josh drags his ass into the kitchen looking like a hot mess. His hair is sticking up all over the place, he’s only got on a pair of boxers and he has pillow lines etched across his face. Either he hasn’t put two and two together yet and noticed me or he doesn’t care. I crack a smile, he doesn’t care. Steven was the same way around me, he treated me like I was one of the boys, like his family.

“Josh,” Jackie looks from him to me and back again.

He gets this smug smile on his face and goes to stand behind me. Jackie’s watching his every move. “Morning, Mom.”

“Morning, Josh.” She huffs. “Go get some clothes on.”

I hear him chuckle behind me and then his brothers chime in. “He’s better with taking them off.” I hear Conner mumble. It’s true. I think I’ve seen Josh naked almost as much as Landon. He’s also the youngest and swore every day growing up he wanted to be like Steven and Landon but he’s better because they got the whole package in just him.

Josh puts a hand on my hip, “Morning, Macy.” I bring my elbow up and elbow him in the gut.

He coughs and I smile. Jackie chuckles under her breath. I can handle myself perfectly fine when it comes to the Griffin boys. Steven’s dad has always turned to putty once his eyes landed on me and Madison. He says if he ever had daughters he wished for them to be just like us.

“So violent.” Josh says rubbing at his chest.

I crack open a few eggs to add to the sugar and butter followed by the vanilla. The boys bustle around the kitchen raiding the cabinets for food.

“I’m outta here.” Connor announces. “If I stay in here any longer there isn’t going to be a point in going to the gym because I’m going to eat my weight in cookies.”

Adam gives way and follows behind Connor. Josh is sitting at the table eating some cereal. Jackie spoons some dough on cookie sheets and carries them over to the oven. When she isn’t looking I ball up a piece of the dough and throw it at Josh.

He looks up smiling. God, I’ve missed being home. I thought it would hurt if I came over here to visit but it’s not so bad after all. Josh throws it back at me and it’s a perfect shot landing between my boobs. I look up with my jaw on the floor. He couldn’t do that again if he tried. Little shit.