Forever Light(65)

The living room has a huge flat screen and it leads into the dining area and off of that is a long wraparound porch. Macy and I used to go out there and watch the sun set. It was always perfect.

The five bedrooms were upstairs and each has its own theme. There was one bathroom in the hallway and one in the master suite. The half bath was downstairs. In the master bedroom there were high ceilings and it had a loft that overlooked the living room. Jackie used to tease us and tell us she would know if anyone was having sex and not to try it. She couldn’t hear anything because I know for a fact Madison and Cash and I’m sure Steven and Alexa had sex in there. Macy and I never did though. We always had sex in the hammock or out of the beach when everyone was sleeping.



December 9, 2013



Everyone is down walking along the beach but I stay back. I need to make a phone call to my dad. I was a pussy and couldn’t talk to him about this face-to-face.

“Hello?” My dad answers on the second ring.

“Hey, Dad,” I clear my throat. “You got a second to talk?”

I hear shuffling around in the background and mom asking who was on the phone. Dad tells her and then I hear a door click shut.

“What’s going on, Landon?”

I sigh and drop down into a chair on the deck. “I fucked up, Dad.”

He takes a deep breath, “Tell me what happened.”

I unload the story about taking the drug test, failing, the school taking my scholarship and not being able to play in the Bowl game. When I finish it’s so quiet I’m sure he hung up. I left the part out about Macy thinking she might be pregnant. I’m not trying to give him a heart attack.

“I’m not letting this stop you, Landon.” I hear him scribbling something down. “I’ll file for an appeal as soon as I can but only if you get help, Landon.”

I’m stunned, “You’re not angry?” I thought he would be fucking pissed.

“I’m not happy about this. We didn’t raise you this way but you’ve got too much talent to waste. You’re a good kid with a good heart. Forgive yourself.” I let his words sink in. He doesn’t think I’m a fuck up. My dad still truly cares about me. “You’re dealing with losing your best friend, kid. I don’t agree with it but what can I do? We tried to get you the best help we could but you wouldn’t take it so your mother and I sat back and just let you do your thing.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“I love you, kid.”

I haven’t told him in a long time that I loved them and actually felt the emotion behind it. “I love you too, Dad.”

Later that night Macy and I are lying on the sand near the fire pit trying not to freeze our asses off. I tried talking her in to going inside with everyone else but she wasn’t feeling it.

“It was pretty cool what we did tonight to remember Steven.” I say into Macy’s neck trying to keep my nose warm.

“Yeah, it was. I think it was good for all of us.”

“Yeah, it was.”

Macy’s eyes look like diamonds against the flames of the fire. In a way she’s my flame and I’ll always gravitate towards her. She’s the sun after the rain but she doesn’t get that with me. My heart is like the desert though, it never sees the water.

She reaches over and places a hand on my arm. “What are you thinking about?”

I waggle my eyebrows, “The hammock. Want to give it another try? See if we still have it?”

Macy rolls her eyes, “I know I’ve still got it but I don’t think you can hang.”

“Ahh, you got jokes I see.”

She winks.

I roll onto my back and stare up to the sky. It’s a clear cold night with the stars shining brightly. “I didn’t treat you right, Macy, not the way I should have.” She’s quiet. “I took your love for granted. When you gave me your virginity our sophomore year I didn’t realize then what you were sharing with me.” I huff. “I should have loved you more but I didn’t take the time. I didn’t realize what was right in front of me.”

Macy crawls over and lies against my side and holds my hand.

“See,” I try to smile but it fails. “I should have done that. I feel like I’m not good enough for you.” My throat feels tight.

“Landon, you are. This is you and I love you with your flaws and all. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be here.” Macy squeezes my hand. “I’ve been holding on hoping that one day you’d see me again. You’d come back to me.”

“My light. You’re my light in the darkness.”

Macy’s eyes glass over. “Landon, I’m all out of tears. I’m crumbling and for once I need you. I. Need. You.”