Forever Light(66)

I roll over and kiss her with no hesitation. “I’m here, baby.”

I rest my forehead on hers. “I love you, Landon.”

All the fight leaves me, I am no longer angry. I am nothing without Macy in my life and it’s taken passing through the gates of hell to get to this point. “I love you too.”

I lie back and Macy lays her head on my chest. We’re quiet for some time.

“Are we okay?” I ask.

She sighs, “We’re always okay.”

“Well, that’s a problem.”

“I’m just thankful I have you. All the other shit can be worked out.”

That night Macy and I slept out in the hammock. We never did find out if we still have it but I know we do. That night wasn’t about that. It was about us finding our way back to each other. It was about finding my forever light.





December 10, 2013



I loved waking up this morning listening to the waves crash onto the shore but most of all finding myself in Landon’s arms. I get up early that morning and cooked everyone breakfast. I couldn’t pass up the chance to use the kitchen again. Now we’re all walking down on the beach. Cash and I have fallen back behind the rest of them.

Cash bumps into my shoulder. “You’re gonna do it, right?”

I don’t answer him because I don’t know. I don’t know if I can sing in front of thousands of people even if it is for all of us in one way or another.

“I’ll talk to coach when we get back.”

I glance over at Cash, “I never said I’m going to do it.”

Cash smiles, “But you never said you weren’t.”

I walk away without another word. He knows I’m going to do it. I’m doing it for all of us.



December 14, 2013



After my first final, Will and I walk out together. I asked if he’d like to go to lunch. The look on his face told me I might be leading him on but I need to let him down as gently as possible. I still want to be friends with him but nothing more.

We grab our lunches and take a seat at one of the empty tables. I tap my straw on the table pushing the paper back on it. I stick it in my cup and take a sip.

Will is watching my every move. He reminds me of a skittish cat. He goes to take a bite out of his sandwich and it just falls into his lap. It’s like the thing weighs a ton and he couldn’t hold it up anymore. I laugh because I can’t help it.

“Damn.” Will mutters. He stands and brushes the lettuce and tomato off his pants. The mayo from his sandwich just so happens to land right on his crotch. It just makes the whole situation funnier. I can’t even raise my hand to give him a napkin because I’m laughing so hard.

Finally, after five minutes of continuous laughing I calm down enough to hand Will my extra napkins.

I wipe under my eyes. “You okay?”

Will looks my direction and smiles. “I love hearing your laugh.”

I blush and look away. This is going to be a harder let down then I realized.

Will sits and tries his soda and I can see he’s holding it pretty tight since his finger tips are white. “So,” he starts as I look past his shoulder. “How did you do on the final?”

I take a deep breath. The longer I wait the harder it’s going to be. “Will,” I clear my throat. “I didn’t bring you to lunch to talk about finals.”

“Uh-huh.” He says like he already knows what I’m about to say.

“I’m just going to come out and say it. I don’t want to hurt your feelings but I need to make sure we’re on the same page.” I take a deep breath again. “We can only be friends, Will. It’s all I can offer. I know we shared that lap dance and it was…good and all but that’s where it has to stop. It can’t happen again. And I’m sorry about your glasses too.”

I brace myself not knowing where this is going to go.

Will takes another sip of his soda before setting it down. “I understand. I figured after that awkward dance that we were better off as friends. Honestly.”

I sigh in relief. I decide to joke around and keep the mood light with us. “You know you like my moves.” I say laughing.

He throws his napkin at me. “Yeah, you’re right. I think we should try again.”

This time I throw the napkin back at Will and groan. “Will.”

He holds his hands up in surrender. “Just kidding,” he smirks. “Thanks for talking to me about this though and not just avoiding me. I understand that your heart belongs to Landon.

“My girl gave you a lap dance?” Landon says scaring the shit out of the both of us.

Will’s eyes are as big as saucers. He’s looking all around until Landon steps out from behind him with a smirk of his own on his gorgeous face.