Forever Light(49)

Cash laughs even harder. “I’m sure half the school has seen it now.”

I shake my head. “She wouldn’t. I’ve got blackmail on her.”

I sigh and my phone dings. I dig through my purse looking for it.

Heather 10:15 pm: Text me before you come home.

Frowning at my phone I tap out a reply.

Me 10:16 pm: Everything ok?

Heather 10:19 pm: yup

Cash clears his throat, “You okay?”

I nod. “Yeah.” I finish off my coffee. “I’m going to get going. Walk me back?”

Cash stands. “Let’s go.”

When we make it to the dorms I text Heather.

Me 10:39pm: I’m walking up.

Heather 10:40pm: K

Heather is standing out in the hall with her arms crossed leaning against the door frame. My steps slow and my stomach tightens. Something isn’t right.

“Heather,” I say cautiously.

“Hey,” she smiles timidly, “you have a guest but I wanted to give you some warning first.” Heather looks to the closed door like she can see through it before her eyes meet mine once again. “He’s high as a kite and drunk off his ass. He’s been here since I first texted you. I didn’t know what he was going to do so I didn’t want to bother you right away.”

I nod. Would he really be any other way? He’s been self-destructing since I told him that I might be pregnant. It’s eating at me that he’s acting like this but really, what did I expect?

She reaches into her back pocket and pulls out her keycard to the dorms, “I’m going to go hang out with Declan. Text me if you need me.”

I nod again. I want to beg her to stay, to not let me deal with this, but I don’t. I let her go. She doesn’t need this bullshit in her life; I’ve already dragged her into it enough.

When I can no longer see Heather I take a deep breath and focus on the energy that I’m going to need to deal with Landon. He’s been coming over more and more often higher than a fucking kite. Most of the time he just sleeps it off or he just wants to hold me. We rarely ever speak to one another, what’s there to say? To be real honest I don’t even think he remembers coming to my room every night because by the time I wake up in the morning he’s gone and I don’t hear from him until the next night.

Pushing open the door Landon is lying face down on my bed lightly snoring. He’s dressed in dark jeans and a light grey t-shirt. He has one sneaker on and the other is laying on the floor.

I set my purse on my desk and turn on the lamp so I have a little light in my room. I slip off my shoes and remove my jacket hanging it on the back of my desk chair. Sighing, I walk over to Landon and try nudging his leg. He doesn’t respond at first so I do it again and this time he grunts and moves his leg up to his chest. I nudge his other leg and it follows suit. Landon is now laying in a fetal position in the middle of my bed.

I stare at his long body folded up in the middle of my tiny bed. My heart aches. I miss the times when we used to lay in bed for hours just wrapped in each other’s arm. But he’s created this barrier between us and I hate it. Looking to Heather’s room I think about crawling up and falling asleep on her bed but I don’t unsure if she’ll be home later. I reach for my pillow and blanket that Landon is thankfully not lying on and toss it on the cold hard floor. I should feel guilty for not covering his sleeping body but I don’t. I’m getting tired though of always being his pillow when he’s crashed and burned every night.

Not bothering to change out of my clothes because I’m physically and emotionally too tired from not sleeping the night before I get myself situated on my makeshift bed. It’s rare that I ever really sleep, haven’t in three years. On the nights Landon is here though I sleep like a baby knowing he’s here with me and no one else. He’s still holding on to me even if it is only by a string. My head hits the pillow and minutes later my eyes grow heavy and are off to dream land.



December 6, 2013



I feel like I’m floating in mid-air suspend above the ground and it’s absolute heaven. I feel alive, I feel better than I have in a long, long, time. Then I’m being laid in a cloud only it’s not, it’s my bed. I blink a few times clearing the sleep from my eyes. Landon is staring at me breathing hard, he smells of smoke and whiskey. I don’t know if he’s mad at himself or me. He can’t be mad at me, I didn’t do anything. He showed up at my place, I didn’t ask him to come here.

Then he answers my thoughts, “You smell like Cash,” he says still breathing hard.

“I was with Cash last night, Landon. It’s why I wasn’t here when you showed up.”