Forever Light(53)

The front door opens and Jackie appears. Her arms are crossed and she looks older. I’m first to get out followed by Landon and Madison. I take slow deliberate steps up the walk way when she sees me she smiles sadly.

“Macy,” she opens her arms and I run into them. “Oh, sweet girl.”

I cry and she just holds me and rocks us back and forth. When I settle down she releases me and I wipe my face with the sleeves of my hoodie.

“So, what happened?” Landon asks. He’s standing there with his hat down low and his hands tucked into his hoodie.

“She almost overdosed on Vicodin. She just kept saying she wanted the pain to go away and to be able to sleep without thinking of Steven.” Jackie wraps her arms around herself. “Something told me to go to visit Steven at the graveyard and I’m so glad that I did. I found her there collapsed by his gravestone.”

Madison sniffles beside me but I don’t turn to look at her, to offer any comfort because she doesn’t deserve it.

Landon kicks at a rock that’s on the walkway. “Is she okay?” he asks.

I glance back to Landon’s truck, the keys weighing heavy in my hand. I want to go but I’m also afraid. I haven’t been a very good friend to her and I hate myself for that.

I jingle the keys trying to steer the emotions to what’s important. Alexa. I take a step towards Jackie and grab her hand. “Thank you for calling us. We’re going to go check up on her.”

She pulls me into a hug. “You’re welcome, sweetie.”

When she lets me go I go back to the truck and start it up waiting on Landon. I don’t really care what my sister does but out of the corner of my eye I can see she’s right on Landon’s heels.

“Let’s go.” Landon says fastening his seatbelt.





When we arrive at the hospital we walk in and get passes to go see Alexa. The lady at the counter gives us a sympathetic smile as she slides our passes to us. I walk down the hallway towards the elevator. When I reach them I glance over my shoulder and see Landon and Madison talking. Madison shakes her head and Landon walks off towards me.

When he approaches I ask, “She not going to see her?”

Landon shrugs. “She’s giving us our time.”

The elevator doors ding and we step in. I go to one side and Landon goes to the other. The doors ding again and close, it’s just Landon and I.

Landon looks to the floor. “I can’t go in there.”

I take a deep breath, I was wondering if this was going to happen. “You should, Landon.”

He looks up at me, he’s tired. His eyes are bloodshot with dark circles around them. He’s let his hair grow out a little and he hasn’t shaved in a few days. Landon is letting himself go.

“She hates me.”

She probably does. Alexa is hurting, enough so that she wanted to kill herself. “She hates everyone. She’s lost, angry and wants to take it out on everyone.”

He leans back against the wall and crosses his ankles. “I can’t do it.”

I take the few steps to him and wrap my arms around him. I need his comfort as much as he needs mine. “Alright, but at some point you have to deal with it. You have to talk to her Landon.”

I feel his head nod up and down.

The elevator doors ding and we walk towards the room Alexa is in. I look to Landon. “You sure you don’t want to go in? We can go in together.” I offer.

He shakes his head and leans against the wall across from Alexa’s room. “I’ll wait here.”

“Okay.”

As I push on the door to her room my hand starts to shake. I don’t know what to expect. I step into her room but don’t look to her right away; I need that extra few seconds to control myself.

I take a deep breath and look up. She looks awful as I suspected. Alexa seems skinnier than when I saw her a few months ago. She’s pale and her cheeks are stained with tears. Her eyes are red and swollen.

There is a chair next to her bed. I slip my purse off my shoulder and set it beside the chair before sitting down. I see Alexa’s fingers flinch. I reach out to grab her hand in both of mine.

“Alexa,” I start to say and I watch a tear slip down her cheek. I let go with one hand and reach up to wipe it away. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a shitty friend.”

She huffs and turns her head and my hand falls away. She’s angry and maybe a little embarrassed.

“I should have been there for you but I wasn’t. I was too damn scared and didn’t know how to handle things with you. I’m sorry.” My own tears burn my eyes.

She turns to look at me and the corner of her lip pulls into a smile. “I would have only pushed you away.”